Halcyon
by goldsworthys
Summary: When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story. /COLLAB WITH eloquences/ /CURRENTLY ON HIATUS/
1. introductions, tests & facerange

**A/N: **Hello friendly neighbourhood fanfiction readers! Welcome to a new fanfiction written by yours truly and Degrassi-love3! Yes, yes, this bad boy is what I'd like to call a collaboration. Little background on this before you decide to start reading: Clare and Eli are both seniors, and we've kind of made Clare a little bit more *sassy* than regular Degrassi Clare, and in some ways you'll be able to notice the differences and similarities that we've provided that makes this story truly AU. Now, let me go a little more into detail about what I mean when I say collaboration before you read. Each chapter will kind of bounce off of each other's. One chapter will be in Eli's point of view, and the other in Clare's. You'll be able to figure it out and get the gist of it in a few minutes, really. Now, I'm going to be totally blunt with you guys and let you that we both worked together on each chapter, coming up with ideas together and throwing up a truly awesome fanfiction and story. I'm sure you will all love it and appreciate it as much as we do. LEAVE US SOME REVIEWS! Love, Becca aka goldsworthys.

**Rating****: **Basically in a few chapters you'll understand why it's rated M. Along with swearing. I love swearing.

**Disclaimer****: **Neither of us own Degrassi or all of the music that we state in this chapter or in future chapters. But if we did we'd probably be crying and really happy for the rest of eternity.

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me any higher powers or whatever the hell is up there staring down at me. I swear to tell the whole truth about Clare Edwards and how she made me feel like superman and a pretty worthless piece of shit all at the same time without even trying. It wasn't even her fault either; it was her materialistic things that made me feel so bad. Not a materialistic attitude, fuck no, Clare Edwards was so divine in every way that there wasn't a selfish bone in her body. Except possibly when it came to music. She could be selfish then. I'd never witnessed it, but I'm sure she could tell a grade nine off about their music taste if it wasn't up to par. And I'm nearly sure that these traits that she possessed could have made any man weak in their knees if they dug deep enough. Her assertiveness that lied just beneath her, all of her mystery and designer clothing. Ah, her designer clothing. Her Prada handbag which she claimed to be a rip off brand and her Louis Vuitton heels that click-clacked every time she entered and exited a room. Clare Edwards had a secret shine that she hid within a subtle shade of lip gloss and eight hundred records and a thousand and four CD's. It took me longer than I would usually expect to locate her shine, but I had - and then she was moderately mine. That sounds nice. Mine. But I'm getting ahead of myself, much as most pathetic and cheesy stories do get at the beginning of the story. So, we should probably begin at the beginning.

My parents had an unhealthy relationship. I don't think I've seen a day when they didn't argue about something. Maybe I was seven or something but every single day it's: _Cece, you didn't pay the bills._ or, _Bullfrog I'm not going to clean up every goddamn mess you make I am not your slave!_ And when my mom got laid off, that's when things got worse. Bullfrog was the only one really supporting everything and CeCe was too upset about it to try again in the working world. So that's why they pushed me so far as to get my own job. They were going bankrupt, and it was up to me to save them. I didn't feel very much like a knight in shining armor, though. I felt like the extra burden that had to pitch in because I was dragging them down. And I guess technically, I was. We were never very good with money, anyway. So maybe us going bankrupt was all part of Bullfrog's plan to ruin the family.

I want to say it all began at the beginning of the summer, with some elaborate love story about how I found the girl of my dreams and how everything was perfect - but it's far from that.

It all started the last week of summer vacation. You know, that one week when your parents are rushing to make sure you have school supplies, and that everything will be ready for your 'final year at Degrassi' and how all you want to do is lie around on the couch and enjoy the last few moments of solitude you can get before being bombarded with the pressures of peers, social classes, and grades as you once were ninety seven days before. But my last week of summer was not like this. My last week of summer involved the newspaper.

"Maybe if you could clean up around here, we wouldn't have to argue so much!"

"You're really blaming our arguments on a fucking dirty dish?!"

From downstairs at the kitchen table, their screaming poured through the house like a heavy metal band. And even through my noise-cancelation headphones, it seemed to be no use. They had mastered the let's-put-our-kid-under-stress shouts. The dishes topic often led to the money topic, which did follow momentarily. I grumbled slightly to myself as I flipped through the wanted column in the newspaper. I wasn't about to deal with Bullfrog marching in and yelling at me to get a job already. I knew what I needed to do. And when I saw a wanted ad for something that remotely caught my eye, I decided _what the fuck_.

It was a small record store called Halcyon, hidden deep within all of the hustle and bustle of the Toronto area and yet just so easy to locate within a quick drive by the high school. And I would be lying if I said that I had noticed the store before. Because I hadn't. It wasn't difficult to land an interview or, hell, the job. In fact the owner said I looked the part anyway and that all I needed to do was to wear the name tag and I'd be ready to go. There didn't seem to be any flaws about this job, literally. I could wear what I wanted, listen to good music, the place was hard to find - so I wouldn't be bothered...this place could be paradise. So I signed all the paperwork, shook some hands, and said I'd be in for work on Tuesday. Tuesday was the last day of summer. Tuesday was the first day that I met her.

The first day of my job, Dean, (the owner, who has a goatee and enough acne for multiple boys going through puberty,) instructed me to just stand watch at the register and keep an eye out for any customers. He said that it was unlikely people would purchase something. That usually people only came in to browse and listen to the records and hardly ever did people actually buy something on a Tuesday. I didn't say anything, but that sounded fucking insane. Because how the hell are you supposed to make a profit if no one is buying your records? I didn't say anything though, it was my first day.

He really only gave me three rules. No sex in the store. No food unless I bring enough to share. No playing Justin Bieber. Seemed easy enough.

He looked at his watch, and then said to me, "It's almost four. I have a regular that comes in here at four thirty and you better make sure you treat her good or else I'm kickin' you to the curb. All right?"

I nodded, and leaned against the counter. The record shop was about the size of my living room with shelving walls, kind of like a library, plus the back room which was like an additional small bathroom, or something. It smelled like brand new books, or vintage things. If vintage had a specific smell, it would be this store; this one specific store and all of its contents. And then she walked in. Bright eyes and curls and maybe two or three freckles on her cheeks. She looked soft, delicate. She wore an oversized sweater, tight jeans and combat boots, a little more feminine looking than the pair I owned. She didn't look like she belonged in a place like this. A dusty old record store was graced with the presence of an angel. The devil was graced with the presence of an angel. And in this analogy, I am the devil.

She scanned the record store as if this was her very first visit. Like she wanted to take in every single smell, vision, moment of this store for her psychological diary. And then her eyes laid on me. It wasn't like she was disgusted, but more of a confused glare.

"You're not Dean." She stated coolly, ruining the whole idea that this was her first time in Halcyon. It was as if she was telling me that I wasn't Dean, like I didn't already know. "Where's Dean?"

"He's in the back. He told me to watch the store."

She squinted, getting a good look at my name tag before slurring out the word in possibly the most aggravating tone I had ever heard. Although, everyone sounds just as annoying when they say my full name.

"E-E-E-E-E-E-L-L-L-L-I-I-I-I-J-J-J-A-A-A-H-H-H-H."

"It's just Eli," I corrected. "There was a typo." No typo, just my self-hatred toward the real name I was cursed with.

She shrugged. "Whatever." I started to wonder if maybe this was the girl Dean had instructed me to keep an eye out for. But it couldn't have been this one, right? "Did Dean say there was anything new?" I looked over at the oversized Rolling Stones collectible clock hanging on the wall a little ways off. It was four seventeen. It had to be her.

"Um. Yeah." I muttered. Maybe he had said there were some new things; I probably wasn't listening like I should have been.

She stared at me curiously for a moment. "Well?" She asked impatiently, "Aren't you going to go get it?"

"Right. Sorry." I took off into the back. The back really wasn't much bigger than the store itself. Maybe just a duplicate of the full room stuffed with more and more racks of records and CD's. Dean was eating a sandwich when I found him. "There's a girl here asking for new shit." I told him.

"Oh, okay -" he swallowed a chunk of his sandwich and nodded. "Tell her we get a new shipment tomorrow."

I walked back to the counter. She was reading one of the posters on the wall, a different sort of look on her face. When her gaze caught me again I watched as an invisible wall was placed between us, her facial expression going hard. I said, "He says we get new stuff tomorrow."

"Then why did you say you had new stuff today?" She interrogated.

I smirked. She was about to put up a fight. "I don't know?"

"Well, you lied."

"I didn't lie, I just didn't know."

"How about next time you just tell me that before getting my hopes up?" She rolled her eyes at me, as if I was the one being totally ridiculous. Me! Of all people. Being totally ridiculous. I didn't say another word in fear of that she might say another snippy comment and I'd have to apologize for 'lying.' "Listen, Elijah."

"Seriously," I cut her off, "just call me Eli."

"Your name tag says Elijah so that is what I'm going to call you. If you have a problem with it, change your name." She snapped, and I had to bite my tongue in order to keep myself from groaning. She seemed to be a piece of work, and according to Dean she was a regular. Yay me. "Anyway. You work at a music store so I'm assuming you have some musical taste, correct?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess."

"You... guess?" She tilted her head to the side, her auburn curls bouncing lightly as she did so. "Either you know or you don't know. Either you're proud of your taste in music or you're totally ashamed. Pick one."

"Okay," I nodded once. "I'm proud of it."

"Name a favourite band."

I pressed my lips together into a line for a moment as I thought about it. There were plenty of bands that caught my eye. Ones that I listened to regularly, that also happened to piss my parents off, and others that I had grown to love. I doubt I could have ever really picked a favourite. "_The Kooks_."

She smiled a little, almost as if she was satisfied. "Nice choice. But the correct answer was_ Fall Out Boy_."

"There's no wrong answer when it comes to music." I replied seconds after. She glanced up from running her fingers over a few of the spare CD's sitting on the counter space in front of me and smiled.

"Correct." She averted her gaze to a stack of CD's on the counter, "Keep that up and we'll be getting along in now time."

"Is this a test?" I asked.

"Yes. Question number two is, what's my name?"

"You never told me."

"Incorrect. It's Clare."

"Hi, Clare," I smirked.

"Hi, Elijah," she grinned childishly, looking up at me.

And that's how we met. Easy as pie. She was always a little stubborn when it came to me. Hell, she was pretty stubborn when it came to anyone but I believe it was mostly me. She had a fire inside of her, and she got her way, always. And not a spoiled kind of getting her way, either. She would jump through hurdles to get the things that she deserved. And Clare deserved anything beyond greatness. I'll never forget the way she walked into that building, and the way she walked out. Like there was a reason for everything. We differed so much in that way. She cared for everything - she believed that everyone deserved second chances and that everything had a purpose. While I on the other hand found things worthless or useless on many occasions. And she would go into her long speeches about how I was wrong, and eventually I would give in. And eventually I would just stop making the comments because I knew what was going to happen next. That's what I liked about her.

After our little meeting, I worked the rest of my shift, and then went home. There wasn't much to it. It was all just working and then home again. And working at an unpopular music store had its perks. Like how rarely anyone came in so I could play solitaire on the store computer. And how Dean let me play my own music and he even said I had good taste, too. He sent me on coffee runs, too. To this little coffee shop around the corner and everything there tasted like literal shit. Like someone had shit in a cup of coffee and gave it to me, trying to pass it off as black coffee. But I drank it anyway. Mostly because I was bored out of my mind and was too lazy to run to the Dot to grab a good cup.

In a way, I wished Clare had stayed around for a little while. That maybe she could have hung around and we could have bantered a little longer or that we could get to know each other. Not that I really wanted to get to know her better. In fact, she kind of seemed like a goody-two-shoes. Well, one with a hell of an attitude, but still. We would probably clash, anyway. My _fuck it_ attitude with her _I'm always right_ attitude. Even though, maybe, she was always right. I kind of wished she could stay around so she could judge my music taste a little more. It was new and refreshing the way she didn't care what I thought about her. She was just… her.

Then again, was it really that obvious that I would like _Fall Out Boy_?

I mean sure, great band - bad hiatus, but I have more substance than that. She was probably judging me based on my looks. The leather jacket - black hair, black jeans, band shirts. I guess it's almost as if I'm asking to be put into that stereotype. Whatever, though - it's not as if I really gave a shit.

Another reason that I needed a job was my car. I had a great car, in my opinion. It was a hearse that my dad drove back in the nineties. It was the absolute shit, and when it wasn't in the garage being worked on, it drove smoothly. But that was the thing - it was in the garage being worked on. I needed parts - no, I was desperate for parts. I was tired of walking to school every day. I was tired of walking anywhere every day. I needed my car back. And as I was walking home from work, I realized I needed it now more than ever. Dean had given me my own employee parking spot that I had to turn down. My car was dying - and I needed to save it.

So I enjoyed a long walk home. In the dark. I had my oversized headphones on and my hands in my pockets and I walked home thinking about one thing. The snippy Halcyon regular. Clare. And it's not like I wanted to think about her, because I didn't - but I couldn't stop. The way her curls fell on her shoulders and the way she smiled when she was right, and grinned like one time. I liked it. I didn't want to admit that I thought she was pretty. I didn't want to admit anything about her. But I liked it, and that's all I could really say. I think I would rather look at her than talk to her, though. There was just something a little too intimidating about her. Something that made the hairs on my arms stand up. But, I liked it.

"How was your first day of work?" Cece asked the moment I walked through the door.

"Mediocre," I answered. I pulled the headphones down around my neck and sighed. "What's for dinner?"

"Elijah Goldsworthy, you're almost eighteen years old, you can make your own goddamn dinner." She had begun to treat me like my father, and I had begun to take it. So I slumped into the kitchen to make myself whatever I could. I was - no, I am - a shit cook. Cece likes to think that she taught me all of this stuff. Like how to boil water and how you're supposed to use the jelly before peanut butter so you don't get peanut butter in the jelly, but hell, I'm a teenage boy, how the hell does she expect me to remember?

I burn toast.

I thought about looking Clare up. So that maybe I could look at more pictures of her. See what she liked, didn't like - so that when I'd see her again next time I could impress her. But, hell, why did I want to impress her? But curiosity got the better of me. I FaceRange'd her. I typed in the name _Clare_ on my lap top and hoped to God that I might find a match.

"Clare Edwards. Seventeen years old. Degrassi. Music lover."

It only took me a few searches to find her. Turns out she had been right under my nose the whole time. She goes to my school. She was friends with Katie Matlin and Jake Martin and Adam Torres. But there weren't many more people than that. I wondered why that was. Was she unpopular? I didn't think that. She seemed too pretty to be unpopular. And her clothing was too expensive for her to be unpopular. But there she was. One hundred and eleven friends - six mutual. I internally battled with myself whether or not to send her a friend request. We had only met today, would that be awkward?

But then a little red notification caught me off guard.

_Clare Edwards wants to be your friend. Accept or Reject?_

There was no way this could be honestly happening. There was no way we could be looking - no, no, searching - for each other at the exact same time. This had to be some fucked up coincidence. And this clearly proved that Clare had more balls than I ever would. That Clare could work up the nerve to FaceRange a boy. I wondered how she had found me, anyway. How she had probably typed in the name 'Eli' and found the six mutual friends. But nonetheless, I accepted her request, and then stared momentarily at the newly viewable profile.

_"I'd like to say, that I was on your mind."_

It was posted thirteen minutes before. And I knew what it was; _The Kooks_ lyrics. Did that mean something? I had informed her of my interest in the band, and here she was, listening to them. I had to tell myself that it was all just a stupid coincidence and that Clare could listen to whatever she wanted to. But then the little green dot beside her name caught my eye and I couldn't help myself.

I started typing out a sloppy message of _hey you found me_ and another witty comment but I never got a chance to send it. My bedroom door swung open, and I slammed my lap top shut.

"Watching porn again, Eli?" Bullfrog laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"Funny." I grumbled. Bullfrog walked across the room and sat down on my bed. It was a little ways away from my desk.

"Your mom told me that you had your first day at Halcyon today," he said. I always notice when he does that. Instead of saying CeCe like he should, he calls her your mom. It's barely like they're married anymore. They just bicker and fight and are too broke to get divorced. I can remember when my father told me once: _I'd get divorced, but then I'd have to sell this house._ And there was nothing separating my father and his house. "How was that?"

"Fine." I answered. I thought about opening my lap top again, but decided against it. It was still opened on Clare's profile. He would ask questions. Who's the girl? Is she your girlfriend? Are you fucking her for fun? She's got a nice set of –

"Did you tell Dean I said hello like I asked?"

"You never asked me too." I shook my head.

"Huh," Bullfrog scratched the back of his head slightly, and then laughed. "Must have dreamt I did. Whatever. Do it tomorrow." He paused, and then stood to his feet again. I wonder why he sat down in the first place. Probably to make it look like he was a fatherly figure, when in reality neither of us liked being around each other. "Anyway, listen. Remember when you and your mom and I got those cycle licenses?"

I gave a nod. "Yeah, for the motorcycle that I'm not even allowed to ride?"

He reached into his pocket and then tossed a set of keys at me unexpectedly. I struggled to catch them, as they slipped out of my hands and fell onto the floor. _Thanks, asshole._ "I know you don't have a ride fucking anywhere, so… you can borrow the bike until we get the money to fix Morty."

I fake smiled. I knew that if I didn't make it seem as if I was happy about this decision my father would throw a dick fit. But the truth was that we would never get the money to fix Morty because every pay check I'd be given would be towards paying for bills.

And I also hated the motorcycle.

"Thanks Dad, that's awesome. I'll take good care of her." I nodded. I nonchalantly twirled the keys around in my fingers for a moment before swallowing. He was still standing there as if I was supposed to say something else. I coughed slightly. "Do you need anything else?"

"Nah." He grumbles, and turns around. "You can get back to your porn now."

"Funny Dad!" I fake laugh, and once he's finally out of the room, I flip open my lap top and jump right back into what I was doing. But the little green dot is grey now. And she's gone. The girl I've been trying so hard not to think about all evening is offline now and I missed my chance. Fucking fathers.

I thought about how I could ride the motorcycle to school tomorrow, and how all of my quote-on-quote _friends_ would be jealous as shit when they would see me. I say friends in such an asshole way because truthfully they're all dicks. I guess I just try a little too hard to fit in, and the popular crowd takes a hold of me. I don't have a specific group of friends that like me. As much as the black apparel may make me look like I belong with the Goths, you would most likely find me hanging around a jock or a reject jock.

I say reject jock because that's what the closest things to friends I have are. Jake Martin and Adam Torres. Jake was kicked off of the hockey team for getting caught smoking pot in the locker room, and Adam's too scrawny to play any form of sport whatsoever. It's a long story. I'd rather not get into it. And then there's me. The jocks say I should join football, or hockey, but it doesn't make much sense to me. I mean, sure, I could probably make the team and hell, I could even get a good position – but that doesn't mean I would ever want too.

I spend a little while longer lurking Clare's profile. I come to realize that she's one of those girls that post a lot of statuses with song lyrics that are super fucking cryptic and make you question all of your sanity. The weird thing was, though – I got all of her references. There wasn't one status where I didn't have to Google the lyrics to see if I knew what she was quoting. I knew them all. From _Death Cab for Cutie_ all the way to _Vampire Weekend_ I knew what she was talking about. Perhaps she and I did have a lot more in common than I was thinking we did.

That actually made me more nervous than happy.

Before it got too late, I closed up my computer and made out my outfit for tomorrow. It was the first day, and judging from Clare's profile description, she would be there. I went to bed that night trying not to think about her. Trying not to think about how she had really nice eyes and how when she slurred out my full name it was more cute than annoying. But then again it really was annoying. I couldn't tell with this girl, honestly. Did I like the way she acted or did I think she was a total bitch? I guess I would have to say something like _only time will tell_ but that's way to fucking cliché so for everyone's sake I'll not say anything.


	2. school blues

**A/N:** Hey readers! Degrassi-love3 here, just wanting to say thank you for the reviews, favorites and follows! It really means a lot to us! So, this chapter gives you guys a look into Clare's life. We decided that having this story in one POV would leave plenty of questions for you guys and wouldn't be as satisfying as seeing how both characters are feeling during everything. We're really excited to get this story going, and hopefully you guys are just as excited to read it! We have so much in store for you guys, and we're pretty sure you're going to love it as much as we do! Anyway, enough boring talk. Enjoy the second chapter of Halcyon!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own Degrassi or the music we included in these chapters, but if we did, Degrassi sure as hell would be a lot more interesting than it is on the show. ;)

**Summary:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiralling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Sleeping was certainly my third favorite thing to do. It's peaceful most of the time and quite the escape; much like my other two favourite things to do – listen to music and write. All three had a sense of security that I liked very much, what with all of the freedom I have in reality. The blankets held me in a warm embrace that made me wish I could stay there forever, much like right now. I had spent most of the summer in my room, either in my bed, at my desk writing or at Halcyon – the record store that stood a block away from my school –searching for good music. Not a lot of it existed anymore.

You could imagine my annoyance when my alarm clock's screech broke through the warm fort of blankets I had created around myself during my slumber, awakening me from my dreams. It was obviously jealous of my relationship with my bed. Groaning loudly, I slid a hand out from underneath the blankets and slammed it on top, hoping I had turned it off and hadn't just hit the snooze button. I huffed and pulled the blankets down, my head poking out of the top. My room wasn't very bright; the dark curtains I had hung up blocked out most of the light. I stretched, making baby dinosaur noises as I did so, sat up groggily, wiped my eyes, and ran a hand through the curly mess I call hair. It fell to my shoulders and was the colour of cinnamon, though I've contemplated dying it multiple times. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I'd look rather odd with any other colour of hair, and I'd rather not stand out; I like hiding in the shadows.

And by shadows I mean behind my best friend Katie Matlin. Degrassi president, journalist extraordinaire. We both enjoyed many of the same things, but then also I hated many of her after school activities which involved going to football games to see Jake Martin for five minutes, countless parties, or shopping constantly. I'd much rather shop online. She was crazy for Jake Martin. And while I'm sure he also enjoyed being around her too, I wondered if they were ever going to make it official rather than the two of them kissing every five minutes. Katie endured sneers from cheerleaders calling her a skank, but it was clear they were just jealous.

I picked up my laptop from beside me and refreshed my FaceRange page, my lips curling up. Elijah had accepted my friend request last night. I remember exactly how long it took him to accept, too. Four and a half minutes. Not that I counted. He must've been on when I added him because right after he had accepted. It didn't take too long to find him; I just searched his name in Jake's friends and ta-da. I wondered if he had searched my page like I had his. I had updated my status to a lyric from _The Kooks_, hoping he would notice. Realizing that FaceRange was as boring as ever, I exited out and closed my laptop, tossing it beside me on the bed.

Rolling out of bed and to my closet, I picked up a pair of black shorts that were sitting on my dresser, some black tights that were hanging on the back of a chair, and a white t-shirt with a light pink, purple and green design on the front that hung in my closet. I quickly got dressed and threw my hair up into a messy bun, leaving a few strands of hair hanging down, deciding it wouldn't make a difference if I put any effort into looking good or not. I quickly did my make-up and grabbed my bag, iPod and phone before making my way downstairs to meet my parents for breakfast.

The stairs made a half circle reaching down to the main floor, the wide space looking quite bland after living here for so long. Making my way to the dining room table, I sat down across from my mother. My dad sat to my right at the very end of the table. For the three of us, the table was quite large. My older sister moved to Africa a few years prior, making the house seem even bigger than it was when she was here.

"Good morning, Clare," my mother said. I didn't take two seconds to look at the two of them. I knew they would be dressed in suits and ties for their jobs. I never really indulged in whatever they were working on, but I knew that we had enough money to go around. I also didn't care enough.

I reached over to grab a piece of toast and gave her a nod, taking a bite of the golden piece of food. I picked at some grapes, eating only the green ones.

"Are you excited for your first day of grade twelve, Clare-bear?" My father asked.

I turned to give him a look. "I asked you to stop calling me that."

"And I asked if you are excited for your grade twelve year."

I let out a long breath through my nose and shot my mother a look, who only shrugged in response, taking a sip of her coffee. I shook my head and took another bite of the toast in my hand.

"I guess. I'm just excited that I only have one more year left."

"You're not still stuck up on that dream of travelling after high school, are you?" My mother asked with a whiny voice. She disapproved of that dream of mine; she'd rather me become a lawyer. Pfft, a lawyer. Can you believe that? Court rooms are stuffy. I want to see the world.

"Since you asked, yes I am. And it's not just a dream, Mom. I _am_ going to travel the world." I stated, looking her straight in the eyes.

She pinched the bridge of her nose with her eyes closed, shaking her head. "You're going to be late. We'll talk about this later."

I rolled my eyes. We would definitely _not _be talking about this later. I grabbed a handful of grapes and left the table. I said goodbye to both of them and made my way to the front door. I sent a short text message to Katie and quickly put on my black combat boots and walked out the door. It didn't take too long for Katie to pull up into the driveway in her light blue convertible. I never questioned how Katie could afford such a nice car. It was simple. Our families were just blessed with fortune. I hopped into the passenger seat and let out a long, annoyed breath.

I looked at her, horrified at the music that was playing. She rolled her eyes, "I just got in the car, Clare. Maya was in here last; change it, please."

I gladly plugged in my iPod and clicked on _My Medicine_ by _The Pretty Reckless_, smiling wide at Katie's grin. It was our song and the perfect way to start the day.

"_Well you hurt where you sleep and you sleep where you lie, and now you're in deep and now you're gonna cry,_" we sang as we zoomed down the street, making our way to the hell we call our school; Degrassi. "_You got a woman to your left and a boy to your right, you start to sweat so hold me tight._"

"God, I missed you!" Katie exclaimed as she laughed at our tone-deaf voices. "Where were you all summer? There were tons of parties and plenty of hot boys you could've seduced."

I snorted, and turned to look at her, "I became a bedroom dweller. Sorry. Besides, you know parties are not my thing."

"Yeah, but boys are! You haven't had a boyfriend since grade nine, Clare." Katie said, making me push my eyebrows together.

"Guys aren't exactly lining up to get my number, Katie, and I'd like it to stay that way. I don't need a guy to be happy."

Katie sighed, "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I'll stop. Can you believe it's our last year? Gah, I'm so excited!"

I laughed when Katie squealed excitedly, making a turn down the road. "I know. I can't wait to get out of this place," I said.

"Me too. Ugh, high school is such a drag."

"Speak of the devil," I grumbled as we pulled into the Degrassi parking lot.

Everyone was cheerfully running around and about, hugging and laughing and saying hello to their friends as if they hadn't seen them in forever, though most of them were probably with each other the day before. Katie and I made our way inside and headed for the office, getting our schedules, locker numbers and combinations before heading our separate ways to find our new lockers. Each grade was given their own section of lockers away from all the grade nines and tens.

Once I found mine I quickly opened it and grabbed the few notebooks I had from my bag and placed them in my locker. I closed it and went to the text book room, waiting in line until I could get the text books I needed for the semester. As I was standing there waiting, I looked ahead to see how many people were in front of me when I caught a familiar face. It was that boy from Halcyon; the new worker. Elijah, I believe.

That's when it hit me. I knew he looked familiar. I had been going to school with Elijah since grade nine. I don't think we've ever spoken apart from yesterday, though I remember seeing him every once and a while around school throughout the years. We've never had a reason to talk before. It all made sense now. The mutual friends between us on FaceRange, the way he seemed so familiar to me, the way Jake had looked so surprised when I had asked for Elijah's full name.

I thought about walking up to him to see if he would let me in line with him so I wouldn't have to wait an hour to get my textbooks, but refrained myself from doing so. I don't think he'd like to be bothered while with his friends and the less attention I draw to myself the better. He's quite popular and I'm sure just talking to him will bring unwanted attention, which would not be a good way to start my last year of high school.

I finally reached the front of the line and got the books I needed before returning to my locker to toss my books inside. Closing it and locking it, I turned to make my way to my first class, stopping suddenly. That Elijah boy's locker was three down from mine and he was staring at me. The distance between us made his eyes look much darker than they actually are, and for a moment I felt the urge to walk up to him just to get a better look, but stopped before I made a fool of myself. Instead, I stared back, unsure of what to do. He gave a small nod and smile, so I returned it before heading to class.

…

The first day seemed very pointless. A few of my teachers wouldn't stop talking about everything that we will be discussing throughout the semester while others were so disorganized that they gave us a quick outline and free time. Katie met up with me at lunch for about ten minutes before she left to go meet Jake. It didn't bother me, though. I knew Jake. He was a family friend, though we didn't talk much unless Katie was there. So I sat outside at a picnic table and ate while listening to music, my notebook out in front of me. I had a list of records I wanted to look at today after school written down, along with a few lyrics and doodles sprawled up and down the sides of the page.

By the time it was my last class I was already sick of doing nothing. I couldn't wait till we were actually assigned things so I wouldn't be so bored all the time. My last class was English, which made me feel a bit better; it's my favorite subject. I sat in the second desk from the back, not wanting to be at the very back yet not wanting to be in front of very many people; too much attention. Ms. Dawes was just about to start the lesson when the door swung open, interrupting her words. Everyone turned around to see who the intruder was; I scoffed softly under my breath.

Elijah.

He scanned the room with a smirk gracing his lips, as if proud to have everyone's eyes on him. Maybe he liked the attention. When his eyes caught mine he shifted on his feet and placed his books on the desk behind me. I raised an eyebrow, silently challenging him, before turning back around in my seat, waiting for Ms. Dawes to start the lesson.

"Mr. Goldsworthy. So nice of you to join us. Would you mind sharing with the class why you're late?" Ms. Dawes asked, holding her coffee mug close to her chest.

"Would you believe me if I said I got lost?" He asked and I scoffed while others snickered.

Ms. Dawes smiled tolerantly, "Nice try. Take a seat."

As he took his seat behind me he leaned over to fist pound a boy in a beanie sitting beside me. Adam is his name. I've only talked to him a couple of times and we were friends on FaceRange, but other than that our paths have never really crossed. I rolled my eyes before focusing my attention to Ms. Dawes. It's been nearly five minutes and he's already annoying me to no extent. Not to mention I'm going to have to see him every day at Halcyon. This seems like it's going to be a long semester.

…

Waving Katie and her light blue convertible off, I turned to walk into Halcyon, immediately getting hit by the stench of cigarettes and the smell of cardboard. I always wondered why the place smelled of cigarettes; there was a no smoking policy. I made my way towards the counter and placed my hands on the counter. I lifted a hand and pressed it down on the bell once, waiting a moment before hitting it multiple times, jumping slightly when that Elijah boy stood up from behind the counter, quickly placing his hand over mine to stop the noise.

"I heard you the first time," he stated, holding three records in his free hand.

"Sorry," I muttered when he pulled his hand away. He moved around the counter and made his way to one of the shelves, looking for the right place to put the records. He looked quite confused and seemed to be having trouble with finding the right places to put them. I cleared my throat and he looked at me as I pointed to the third shelf. He shoved the records in place and thanked me quietly before returning to his place behind the counter.

"Where's Dean?" I asked.

He nudged his head towards the back, "Grabbing some new records to stock up. We got a new shipment this morning."

I nodded my head and turned around to go look at the shelves full of records, deciding to wait until Dean comes out to check out the new stuff. I scanned the rows of records, smiling each time I saw a record I liked, imagining the exact place I have it in my room. I looked for a few records that were on my list but didn't find very many. Some of them were quite new and I decided to wait to see what Dean had gotten before digging any further.

"You go to my school," I heard Elijah state from behind me.

Without looking up at him I grabbed a record to inspect as I answered, "We've been going to the same school since grade nine, Elijah."

He cleared his throat, "Like I've said many times before, it's Eli."

I made my way over to him. "Your name tag still seems to disagree." I held the record I had picked up out to him, "Play this, will you?"

He stared at me for a second, his eyes slightly narrowed, before he took the record from my hand and turned to play it. The band was called _Hands Like Houses_ and the cover seemed interesting, along with the song names. One of the songs began to play and I listened intently. There were a few other people browsing the store though no one ever really cared what music anyone played.

The song seemed decent, and I nodded my head softly to the music. Elijah was scanning the cover of the record and I could faintly see his lips moving as he read the song titles. Then as the chorus picked up, a smile grew on my lips. Elijah's head lifted and when his eyes found mine I could see the shinning in them as a grin appeared on his lips; the song was _really_ good and I could tell that he liked it as much as I did.

"I love this," I said. He nodded, agreeing with me, and then turned back to the cover. "Do you know what it's called?"

"_Spineless Crow_," he answered as he looked up at me, shrugging his shoulders as he handed the cover back to me.

I dug through my bag and pulled out my wallet, "I'm buying it."

He put the record back in its case and scanned it, putting it back on the counter. "You only heard one song. What if the rest are shit?"

"Do you think the rest are shit?" I asked, handing him a few bills.

Elijah looked at me and then the record, then me again. He shook his head and laughed, "Doubt it."

I held my hands out as if I was weighing something and said, "Exactly." I smiled and placed my hands back on the counter, "Maybe you can borrow it sometime."

Elijah looked up from the cash he was counting and gave a small nod, his lips curling. He finished fishing through the money, and started to hand me back a five dollar bill and a couple of ones.

"You severely overpaid me." He said, laughing softly. He tried to hand the cash back my way, but I shook my head. "Here's your change."

"No, keep it." I give a subtle hand gesture towards the cash register. "This place needs it _way _more than I do."

I don't think it was really Dean's fault that this place wasn't the most popular record store in the Toronto area. There were others, many that I had been inside to see the competition, but really none possessed that spark that Halcyon possessed. Maybe it was the smell and the company of the employees and the way the music was always _amazing. _Either way, I was aware of the fact that this one little blip in time, the most fantastic store in the Toronto area could sink at any given time. I also may have just had a brotherly-sisterly love for Dean and the idea of him _not _living in his loft above the store made my stomach hurt.

Speaking of Dean, he came out from the back with a pile of records in his arms and smiled at me, "Clare! I've got a few records you might like."

I smiled, "I just bought one. I think I'll save the rest for later on in the week. If I don't there won't be anything to look forward to. Just keep them on hold for me I guess?"

Dean gave the two of us a toothy grin and placed the pile of records on the counter, next to Elijah. "Will do. Hey newbie, put these away will ya? I gotta get more from the back."

Elijah groaned and let his head fall back as Dean chuckled, making his way into the back once again. I studied the names on the records and began putting them in alphabetical order. Elijah watched me carefully before I looked up at him.

I placed my hand on the first pile, "These go in the back on the second shelf from the floor, these ones go in that aisle on the top shelf and this last pile goes over there, on the shelf under that poster." I pointed to each spot as I explained. I knew this place like the back of my hand so I figured I'd help him out a bit.

"If you know so much about this place why don't you work here? I'm sure you'd enjoy it more than I do." Elijah grumbled.

"It would be pointless. I don't need the money." I said as I picked at my nails.

Elijah scoffed. "Everyone needs money." He said plainly, and I shook my head slowly.

"Well, I don't."

"Whatever," he growled.

I looked at him with narrowed eyes, "You know, I was just trying to help you but whatever. I guess you can just figure it out on your own next time."

Elijah sighed, "Sorry." He grumbled, and then he softly added: "Thanks." He scooped the piles of records up in his hands and shuffled across the floor to the shelf I had instructed him to go to. I thought about taking a few records off of the top and helping him out a bit, but then quickly decided against it.

I shrugged, "Don't mention it. But you're going to have to get the hang of it sooner or later; I'm not always going to be here to give you shortcuts."

Elijah chuckled and began to stack the records underneath the poster. He took a moment to look over his shoulder at me and then said: "From what I've seen so far, you're going to be here a lot more than you're leading on."

"You catch on fast, newbie."

I laughed softly when he rolled his eyes. I turned to grab the record and Elijah was already back behind the counter by then, giving me a lopsided smirk. I wasn't so sure if it was cute or annoying.

"Until tomorrow," Elijah said as I made my way to the door.

Placing my hand on the doorknob, I turned to look at him. "I hate how well you know me."


	3. football games & numbers

**A/N: **Hey mother frickers it's goldsworthys aka Becca up in the hizzle. Thanks for all of the follows and favourites! You're all the bomb diggity and deserve awards for being so awesome. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's an Eli point of view. Leave us some reviews to keep us smiling until next Wednesday's update. I don't think theres anything else for me to say but I hope you like this chapter :)))))

**Disclaimer:** We're pretty swaggalicious but not swaggalicious enough to own Degrassi or the songs we talk about.

**Summary:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

I had Thursdays off of work. And, coincidentally, Thursdays were the varsity football games. And _even more_ coincidentally, Degrassi and Leaside had been training all summer long for their big game the first week of school. I really wasn't a fan of the sport or the people at the sporting events – but Adam and Jake were fans of the cheerleaders so I was dragged along. Drew and Mo and KC let the three of us know that once Degrassi had 'kicked some major Leaside butt,' we would be celebrating with Domino's Pizza and maybe a couple drinks afterwards. I didn't want to go.

But Adam and Jake are assholes.

It was the post-summer blues at that football game; mildly cool and still light outside until about eight. One of the things I disliked about summer vacation was the lack of darkness that the night provided and how it was cut short. Jake made us sit next to a group of drama club girls. I think he did it so that I would talk to them. He's always trying to hook me up with random girls and sure, sometimes it's nice but I couldn't stop thinking about one girl in particular. Yeah, you guessed it. Clare.

It was fucking annoying how much I thought about her, and we rarely spoke to each other.

"So, Eli," It was refreshing hearing the shortened version of my name again. "Are you going to direct another play this semester?" The girl with the pig tails that is sitting beside Adam – more like leaning over Adam to get in a word with me – is referring to the previous year when I put on a performance of _Death of a Salesman. _It was cool. I guess.

"Uh, I don't know." I shrug my shoulders. "I haven't really thought about it, much."

"I'm starting a band." Adam sits up straight, as if he's trying to impress this girl who is far more interested in me to pay him the time of day. "It's going to be epic."

"That's cool, Adam." She gives him a half-assed smile and then turns back to me. "I would absolutely _love _to be the lead in your play, you know, Eli. You're just so talented and brilliant and hell, good looking, even!" I cocked an eyebrow. I always knew the drama girls were a bit – out there but I'd never met one so blatant before. I smiled gratefully towards her and turned my head towards the football game that I had no care for. I glanced over at Jake who was sitting beside me, his nose buried in his cell phone, texting away like a maniac.

"Hey, Imogen," Adam says to the girl. I guess her name was Imogen. "You sing, don't you? I heard you in the grade ten musical, like, two years ago."

"You betcha!"

Her high-pitched voice was slightly annoying, and I actually flinched subtly. Not annoying in the same way that I found Clare Edwards to be annoying, but annoying in the way that I would actually duct-tape her mouth shut to save myself. In Clare's scenario, I could just utter a witty comment and we'd be in a battle.

Why the fuck am I thinking about Clare again? _Gah!_

"Well, you know, uh, I'd love to have you in my band." Ah, I knew Adam's approach. Hell, I'd seen him use it on several girls before, and for some reason, nobody ever goes for it. I mean, if I was a girl, or shit, if I was gay I'd go for it. Adam was a decent looking guy, and I knew that he could kick my ass at video games, and he was funny, too. So why did this girl have to be all over me instead of my best friend?

"Well, I'd –"

"Holy fuck!" Jake stood to his feet, eliminating Imogen's squeaky voice from my ears. God bless Jake Martin. "Listen, guys, Katie's here. I gotta go find her." His eyes scanned over the crowd for a moment, until Adam pointed towards the snack stand.

"She's over there with that other chick she's friends with."

I followed Adam's finger with my eyes, finally seeing Katie Matlin in a pair of jean shorts and oversized sweat shirt standing by the snack booth with someone else. No, not just someone else. It was a messy head of curls bundled up in a dark blue coat and jeans and combat boots. It was Clare. Of course fucking Clare was here. I had to process it for a second why Clare Edwards would be at a football game. I didn't understand. This didn't seem like her scene. In fact, I was surprised she wasn't at Halcyon right about now chatting it up with Dean about _The Strokes _or some other band that she was interested in. Then again, this place wasn't exactly my scene either.

"Okay, fuck, fuck, fuck." Jake stammered, running a hand through his light brown hair. "How do I look? Do I look okay?"

"Sexy as ever, babe," I joked, glancing up at Jake as he tried to keep some form of composure. He flashed me a glare and then took off down the bleachers after Katie Matlin and Clare Edwards. I almost thought about following him, to get out of talking to Imogen and listening to her reject any form of advance from Adam, but I didn't. I just didn't.

"Well, I'd love to be in your band, Adam," Imogen starts, but then that little word appeared, shutting out any form of happiness for Adam Torres. _But. _"But I much prefer acting. That's why I want to star in one of Eli's plays!" She gasps, and I internally groan because that means she's not done talking. "Eli, you should direct a musical! Adam thinks I'm good at singing."

I glance over at Imogen for a moment, seeing her face beaming with excitement and I have to find a way to be nice to this poor girl. I was suddenly realizing how much I didn't like drama club girls. Or maybe I was just starting to dislike the drama club all at once.

"I don't do musicals." I said sardonically. I almost hesitate to add, "I don't think I'll be doing drama club shit this year, anyway. I don't have the time."

It's then that I have to force my ears to tune out Imogen as she starts to protest my decision. But hell, with Halcyon and the school year, and finishing with all good grades so that I could maybe _hope _for any form of scholarship, there's no way I could even fantasize about drama club. And judging by the way she was acting, maybe that was a good thing.

I zoned in on Jake and Katie and Clare down by the snack booth. Jake had his hands in his pockets, talking to Katie who seemed to be excited as ever to see him nearby her. Maybe they were texting each other. Then I noticed Clare, who was leaning against the wall of the snack booth, headphones in her ears, and a bored look plastered on her face. I almost felt bad, and I almost stood to my feet to go save her from her misery, but Imogen's voice yanked me out of my trance again.

"Eli, are you even listening?" She whined, and I turned my head to look at her.

"Not really."

I guess that got to her. She stood to her feet, grabbed her friend by the arm and the two of them took off down the bleachers away from Adam and I. Speaking of Adam, he glared at me.

"Why are you such a fucking douche bag?" Adam yelled. I could tell that he wasn't serious, but clearly he was upset that I had made a chick leave, but hell, she wasn't even interested in him in the first place.

"She was annoying!" I used as my rebuttal, and Adam threw his hands into the air.

"BUT SHE WAS _HOT_!"

…

Degrassi won. I never doubted that that would happen. So Jake and Adam dragged me with them to get pizza and drinks. At first I was hopeful when Jake said that Katie would be there, that perhaps Clare might be around too. But when Katie showed up alone, I slumped into the booth and picked at a piece of pizza. We all sat at one of those big circular booths that held ten to twelve people, and my 'friends' were all lined up, celebrating their win. Drew held his drink of diet Dr. Pepper up into the air and yelled:

"WE FUCKED THOSE GUYS OVER DEGRASSI STYLE!"

I had no idea what he was saying, but the rest of the group cheered along. Fuck, this guy hadn't even had anything to drink yet and he was acting as if he was on his fourth or fifth shot. Everyone was roaring and cheering, and I was almost wishing the manager might kick us out or something, but they didn't. Fucker.

Adam glanced over at me after a while and narrowed his eyebrows. "Dude, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay." I nodded, bringing the slice of pizza to my mouth and chewing slowly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well for starters you look like someone just ran you over with their car. And also you hate Hawaiian style pizza." Adam commented, and I stared at the slice in my hand, realizing that it was as he had said. I slumped it back down onto the plate.

"I just thought someone might show up tonight." I grumbled.

"What, like who? Imogen? I'm pretty sure you fucked any chance with her over tonight, man."

I scoffed. "No, not Imogen."

"Well, shit, who then?"

I glanced around the table of assholes and lowered my voice to a whisper. "Her name is Clare. I don't know I just –"

"Clare Edwards?" Adam guessed immediately. I groaned. "Like the girl in our English class. Like curly-hair Clare. Like music junkie Clare. Like big ti–"

"I get it. You know who she is." I interrupted, and nodded slowly. "Yeah, I mean, I saw her at the football game."

Adam let out a sigh of understanding. "So _that's _why you were being a total dick. I get it. Why didn't you go talk to her?"

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"Because you're a dick."

"Shut up." I snarled. I grabbed for my drink, bringing the glass to my lips and spitting suddenly when I realized I had grabbed someone else's drink. "I'm not into her, if that's what you're thinking. We just have some shit in common and I thought it would be a good idea to get to know her or something. She comes into where I work a lot. And she's friends with Katie whose probably going to be dating Jake soon so it's –"

"Whatever, man. I don't give a shit what your girl ideals are." Adam laughed, and reached for the drink in my hands. "Alls I'm thinking is," he took a long gulp before finishing his sentence. "You could help me get a girlfriend or something. And then also don't drink my fucking Sprite."

…

I had begun to like Mrs. Dawes class, now. Mostly because Clare sat in front of me, and Adam beside me. But mostly the Clare part because she smelled like apple pie. It was refreshingly delicious and sometimes I had to refrain from leaning forwards just to take in a whiff of her smell. I wondered if it was the smell of actual pies or just perfume. Either way, it was a nice way to take my mind off of Mrs. Dawes' clichés and bad jokes. By the end of the period, Adam had suggested that the two of us go to 7-Eleven and pick up some cigarettes and Slurpee's, which sounded heavenly. But my plans were suddenly cut off by the sound of boot heels click clacking behind me down the hall, and her snippy little voice going:

"Elijah, wait a second!"

The convenient part was that our lockers were so close to each other's, so that I could pretend I didn't hear her and that I bumped into her anyway at our lockers.

"Elijah!" She called again, tapping me on the shoulder as I started to scroll in my locker combination.

"Sorry, I only respond to the names I want to hear. Like, oh, Eli perhaps?" I rolled my eyes.

"You weren't at Halcyon yesterday." She says seriously. What, did she miss me or something?

"Yeah, I don't work Thursday's or Sunday's." I inform her, and she loosens up slightly.

"Oh." Clare looks around for a moment, and then backs up towards her own locker. "I just figured Dean got some sense knocked into him and fired you for being so... what's the word... neurotic?" I tried to laugh.

"Ouch. That one hurt." She turned towards her locker, shielding her pretty face behind the locker door. "So are you going to be a total bitch to me at school, but flirty at work?"

Clare slammed her locker shut, and glared at me. "I do not flirt with you, Elijah. I barely know you."

I shrugged my shoulders, and closed my locker as well. "I'll see you in a few hours."

We stared back and forth at each other for a few moments, almost like we were waiting to see who would break first. And I did. I smirked her way, shoved my backpack over my shoulder and walked down the hallway to meet Adam.

"You like her. You totally like her." Adam laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"You say that about every girl I talk to. Trust me, if I liked her, I'd let you know."

"Uh-huh, sure." Adam pushed my arm jokingly. "Whatever, let's go get some smokes."

…

It was hard not to keep my eyes off of Clare as she danced around Halcyon. She told me that nobody would come in anyway, and that I should play some music. So we played Arctic Monkey's and occasionally Clare would mess with the record player and slip The Beatles or Jimmy Eat World on. I didn't mind, though. Because I had pure satisfaction of watching Clare Edwards dance. Her hips would sway nonchalantly to the beat, as if she had practiced this a hundred times in a row. And sometimes she would run a hand through her curls and it would come off a lot more sexually than it should have. I'd have to turn away and mess with CD's to keep my gaze away from her. I wonder if she wanted me to watch her. If that was her whole plan to get me distracted by watching her dance. If it was, it was definitely working.

"You should dance with me, Elijah." She suggested as _She's Thunderstorms_ echoed through the shop. I shrugged my shoulders.

"I've got work to do. Maybe later." It all seemed a little insufficient for her, and the pouty look on her face made it all worth it. In a way, I kind of liked pissing her off. Only because I liked to see her reactions. I had this subtle love hate relationship with a girl I had only met four days before. I loved her looks - and I loved to piss her off. But I hated her attitude and her click-clacky heels. Maybe it was a bad sign that I loved to piss her off. It's always that one kid in grade school that picks on the girl that he likes. And I didn't want to end up actually falling for Clare and proving Adam right. Mostly because Adam being right is annoying as hell and if I fell for Clare I would probably get my heart smashed if I played the wrong song by accident.

"Do you think Nate Ruess should go solo?" She asked me. I scoffed and found myself leaning against the cash register - watching her again

"Hell no. _Fun_. wouldn't be the same without Andrew and Jack." Clare propped her elbows up on the counter and stared at me.

"Yeah but only people like us really know about other band members." She commented. I looked down at her - our eyes catching with each other's. I had never had a chance to stare at such marvelous eyes before. She bit her bottom lip, as if she was pondering another question. But watching her teeth tug in between her lip was barely tolerable for me. I love lip biting. "I think they would be good live. I'd see them live."

"As would I." I answered. "Have you seen many shows?"

"Aside from The Jonas Brothers when I was like, seven - not many." She admitted, and I laughed softly. There was a pink rosy blush on her cheeks that was fairly noticeable.

"I'll have to take you to see a big show then and something a little less..." I pause, and my lips curl into a smile. "Childish."

"Oh shut up, I was little."

I look away from her to mess with some of the CD's that were in a box underneath the counter. It was mostly an overrated collection of pop music stringing from the early 2000's until 2007. I had to stop myself from nearly laughing at the cover of one of the Jesse McCartney albums. "So, uh," I cleared my throat and looked up at her again. "I saw you at the football game last night."

She cocked her head to the side. "You did?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you come and say hello or something?" Clare asks, and I slowly shrug my shoulders. Truthfully I don't know why I didn't. I could have followed with Jake. I _should _have followed with Jake. Instead I was stuck watching her from afar with Adam Torres and a bunch of drama club girls. I was now mentally kicking myself repeatedly in the ass.

"You seemed busy," I blurted out, "with Katie and all."

"Trust me, Elijah," she laughed, "you would have been _saving _me from Katie. She's my best friend but all she ever talks about is Jake Martin and how fantastic he is in the sack. I'm sure he is, but I don't want to hear about it."

"I suffer the same thing from Jake." I admitted, a chuckle falling from my lips. "He's like, obsessed with Katie. I don't know why they're not together yet."

"Me neither!" Clare exclaims, and for the moment it felt bittersweet. We were both discussing school and our mutual friends and agreeing things that weren't just musically related. Her smile was ridiculously cute, and I could notice her dimples and how they looked nice under the lights of the store. The record that was playing ended finally and I turned around to flip it over to the second side, letting new music fill the shop.

She turns away from the counter and moves her arms to the beat of the song playing. She wasn't the best dancer, but she looked cute doing it. And watching her hips sway and the hem of her dress flying about was the best part. The song came to an end, and Clare picked up her bag and pulled it delicately over her shoulder. For a moment I think nothing of it, but then I realize she's leaving. And then I realize that I don't want her to leave. I like her company.

"Well. I should be off." She smiles.

"Wait, what?" I furrow my eyebrows. "Why?"

"I dunno. You said you had work to do, anyway." Clare steps towards the counter slowly.

"I thought that that was obvious I was trying to get out of dancing." I smirked, and she giggled lightly. "You can stay, you know. You are, in fact, the most entertaining part of my day." I admit, and she grins uncontrollably.

"Aw, look who's the one flirting now." She turns on her heels and walks to the door, opening it slightly and making the bell chime on her way out. "I'll be back tomorrow, and Saturday is coffee day so I'll make sure to bring you a cup."

I make a fake gagging noise. "Not the place down the street, right? Their coffee is awful."

She grins deviously and rolls her eyes. "Bye Elijah."

And then she's gone. Her heels click-clack their way out and the bell of the door jingles as it shuts. I catch myself watching as she walks out and doesn't even take two seconds to look back. She looks nice from every direction, I notice. And I'm suddenly eager for her return the next day with the worlds crappiest cup of coffee. I went back to my CD's, though. Shuffling through them and making sure that they were all in alphabetical order as Dean wanted. I had come to realize that Dean was a really laid back boss. He would leave me to watch the store, and then he would go work in the back, or even go upstairs to his house which was right above the store. Working at Halcyon was far easier than I had ever expected. And it had its perks. Clare Edwards was its perks.

The bell rang again, and I thought nothing of it and don't bother to turn around to take a look. Every once and a while we would get a customer. Not that they would ever purchase anything, but they would wander around the shop and admire all the old-timey records and maybe ask me to play them a song or two. But then I heard the click-clack again, and her voice interrupting my every thought.

"I decided that giving you my number might be a good idea." She begins, and I turn to stare at her. She looks flustered, almost. And her cheeks are all red. "This isn't...flirting, or whatever. It's just common courtesy Maybe tomorrow you want hot chocolate instead of coffee, I don't know. So...here." She grabs one of the pens that is hooked to the counter with a little silver chain and reaches for my hand. I watch as she scribbles down all seven digits and then throws the pen down on the counter again.

I raise my eyebrows slightly in intrigue, and I notice that she's blushing like crazy.

"Are you all right?" I laugh, and she nods quickly.

"I just don't usually do impromptu giving boys my numbers. Hell, I've never given my number to a boy before."

"Well..." I hold up my palm with her number scribbled down. "Now you have?"

She nods again and then stumbles backwards. "Okay, now I'll really see you tomorrow."

I smile. "Yep. See you tomorrow, Clare."


	4. alcoholic bliss

**A/N:** Upload a chapter to Halcyon like whaddup I got a big cock. It's Degrassi-love3 here, and if any of you know what song that is from (even with my rephrasing) then you are fucking amazing and should definitely review this chapter! Thanks for the reviews and the favorites and all that jazz; it really means a lot to us! This is a lengthy one! Chapter 4! So this is a personal favorite, for both goldsworthys (Becca) and I, and we would really appreciate it if you would leave a little review to tell us your thoughts! You guys are awesome!

**Disclaimer:** We do not own the songs we mention in this story or Degrassi, because if we did, Cam would still be alive and Maya wouldn't be a little bitch. Sorry. I've kind of been an emotional wreck lately.

**Summary:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

The sun blaring down from the clear sky shone brightly across my face, making me wrinkle my nose. The sunglasses I was wearing didn't seem to shield my eyes very much, but they were my favorite pair so I kept them on anyways. My left hand was carrying a tray with one coffee and one tea stuffed in the holders while my right held a brown bag, two muffins placed inside. My shoes clicked against the sidewalk as I made my way along, turning around a corner and smiling as Halcyon came into view. I was very grateful that there was a coffee shop right around the corner. Even if the coffee sucks.

Walking through the door, the bell above chimed, a grin instantly making its way on my face. Elijah was carrying a box when his eyes landed on me, and he smiled and gave a nod. He placed the box on the counter as I walked over to him. I looked up at him as he lifted the sunglasses from my nose and pushed them on top of my head, shoving some of my hair back as well.

"I brought you coffee; I figured if you were going to spend your Saturday working you can at least do it while drinking a distasteful beverage and eating a stale muffin," I said, grinning. Elijah chuckled and grabbed his black coffee from the tray. I placed the bag and tray down and grabbed my tea, opening the lid so it could cool down.

"Thank you. I'll be sure to try and at least survive long enough to finish this horrid drink."

"That's the spirit!" I exclaimed, placing my hands on his shoulders and shaking him once.

Elijah took a sip of his coffee and placed it on the counter with my tea before returning to the box I had seen him with when I walked in. He disappeared into the back, and I took a look around the store. It was empty at the moment, making me frown. If this store didn't get more publicity then it might go out of business; I would probably die from withdraw and Dean would lose everything he's ever loved.

Throughout the past two weeks, things between Elijah and I have been quite awesome, to say the least. It's not very often that I find someone who I enjoy bickering with over music and TV shows and people at school and band members. We've had our fair share of arguments, but nothing too serious. They mostly end with one of us giving in and surrendering to other, and it was usually Elijah who surrendered to me, which I'll admit, I enjoyed very much. But even with all of the arguments and banters, we've managed to have some really good times. His witty comments are almost as good as mine, and the inside jokes we have would sound completely ridiculous to an outsider, though they make us laugh uncontrollably every time they're brought up. I've realized just how close we have managed to become in such a short time, and the fact that we have a safe haven to hang out in with each other without the curious eyes of the people at school was definitely a bonus.

People at school have lingering eyes on us every time we seem to be conversing, and even though Elijah has pretended not to notice, I know he's seen it too. We have limited conversations during school, mostly because if we started a conversation in the middle of the hallway we'd probably end up talking through our next period. That, and the fact that his friends don't seem to leave him alone, and I'm not entirely comfortable having them stare at me like I'm a piece of meat while bantering me with questions. Other than that, school has been pretty normal. Except for the fact that Adam Torres has been talking to me more. He sat with me during lunch on Thursday, and even though I was in the middle of drawing, I'd let him stay; I actually enjoyed his company a lot more than I'd expected.

Elijah returned with empty hands and grabbed his coffee again, taking another sip. I wrinkled my nose.

"I think I know why you're so short. That coffee is messing you up, man."

Elijah looked at me with his mouth hung open. "Last time I checked I was taller than you."

"That may be true, but you're still quite tiny," I said, climbing on the counter and letting my legs dangle on the side. I picked up my tea and took a sip.

"Yeah, well, there's nothing I can really do about it."

I looked over at him and saw him picking at the lid on his cup, his jaw locked tightly. I sighed, disappointed in myself.

"I'm sorry. I tend to speak without thinking," I explained softly.

Elijah stood up and waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I've got something I want you to listen to. I found it yesterday and thought you'd like it."

I perked up at the change in subject and spun around on the counter, letting my legs dangle on the other side. I watched as he picked up a record from one of the shelves under the counter and turned to place it on the player. His plain black V-neck made the muscles in his back more defined as he moved. His broad shoulders were big and round. For a tiny guy he had quite the muscle, and although I wouldn't call him buff, I could tell he worked out.

He leaned up against the counter next to me, my knee brushing against his side as he crossed his arms. I eyed the little contact between us for a second longer than I should have before turning to look at the wall. The music began to play and I closed my eyes, listening intently as the lyrics filled my ears. The man's voice was sexy and sharp, and my body swayed softly with the music. I smiled, realizing that I had fallen in love with this band and I haven't even finished listening to one song yet.

"What is the band called, Elijah?"

I opened my eyes to look at him to see that he was looking at me. I saw the side of his jaw twitch and I waited for him to correct me on his name.

"_Adelitas Way_." His eyes stayed glued to mine and I stayed quiet for a moment. He didn't correct me on his name. A part of me was hoping that he would have; I loved getting under this boys skin. But maybe he was warming up to the way I say his full name? "Oh and, it's Eli."

I cracked a grin. There it is.

I placed my hand on his shoulder, "I hate to admit it, boy, but you're growing on me. Well, at least your taste in music is, anyways." I winked and jumped down from the counter, hearing his soft chuckle.

"If that means you'll bring me coffee every shift I'm sure I can live with it." When I looked at him he smirked, leaning his elbows on the counter and taking a sip of his coffee. The door chimed as someone walked in, not even taking a second to look at Elijah or myself before heading straight to the back to take a look at the records. My attention turned back to Elijah who was still looking at me, a grin on his lips.

"I don't see why you would even want that. I spit in that one," I gestured to the coffee in his hands, stifling a laugh as his eyes zeroed in on it before his face went pale. He shoved the cup away from him and made the most disgusted face I have ever seen.

"You better be yanking my chain, Clare," he grumbled, looking about ready to barf.

I reached over and grabbed the bag of muffins, pulling one out.

I leaned forward and rested on my elbows, "I'm totally busting your balls, Elijah."

My laughter didn't stop, even with the glare he was giving me. I could see it breaking and soon he was laughing along with me, shaking his head. "I'm going to get you back."

"Mhmm. Just shut up and eat your muffin," I said, picking a piece of the muffin off and shoving it in his mouth.

By the time it was nearing the end of Elijah's shift, we didn't even realize the time until Dean had called out letting him know to start getting ready to close. Dean he made his way upstairs just before it was time for Elijah to lock up.

Elijah went into the back to grab his things and called out to me, "Do you have any plans tonight?"

I pulled the sweater that was wrapped around my waist on, shoving my arms through the sleeves. "Besides taking a hot shower and blasting my music to annoy the shit out of my parents? Nope. Why?"

Elijah walked back out and turned the light off for the back, closing and locking the door. He made sure everything else was locked and good for the night before ushering me to the front door. Once we stepped outside and he made sure the door was locked, he turned to me, the light from the post a few steps away illuminating his features.

"My friend is throwing a party. Feel like getting wasted tonight?"

I stared at him for a moment. "I don't know, Elijah… I'm not really the party type. I won't know anyone there."

Elijah shrugged, "Sure you will; the whole school will be there."

I huffed. "I swear to God if you hold this against me I'll make sure you are unable to have children." His face twisted with confusion. I bit my bottom lip, "I've never been to a party. The only things I know about them are what I've seen in movies or read in books."

Elijah looked at me, his face stern and stare intent. "I won't let anything happen to you."

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and pressed a finger to my cheek. His response caught me off guard. But if there was one thing that I was sure of about our friendship, it was that I trusted him. "You do realize I'm probably going to regret this, right?"

Elijah grinned and nudged his head to the road, "Come on."

I followed him to the side of the road and when he stopped in front of a matte black motorcycle, my eyes grew wide.

"Uh…" I slowed my walk as he climbed on.

Noticing the skeptical look on my face Elijah rolled his eyes. "Oh grow a pair, would you? Just get on, I'll go slow."

I huffed and began pulling my hair back into a messy bun while using the hair tie that was on my wrist to hold it in place. Biting my lip, I walked forward and swung my leg over and sat on the seat behind him. I reached behind me to grab onto something but my hands slipped and hit the seat.

Elijah kicked the stand up and positioned the bike straight up, putting all of his weight on it.

"There's nothing else to hold onto but me, Clare." He grabbed my wrists and wrapped them around his middle, pressing my palms to his chest. The engine snarled when he brought it to life. "Don't let go."

He pushed back with his feet and with a flick of his wrist we were off, zooming down the street. The wind beat against my face as my grip around him instinctively tightened, pressing more of myself to him than I'd intended. The lights passed us swiftly as we flew down the street, and then he increased the speed, making me duck my head behind him.

We pulled into the driveway of a house blaring music and sprouting people from every opening, and I jumped off as he pulled to a stop, eager to get to solid ground.

"What happened to going slow, huh?" I screeched, wrapping my sweater tightly around myself.

Elijah chuckled. "We made it here in one piece, didn't we?"

When I didn't answer he turned to make his way to the front door. I pulled my hair out from the bun with one hand and shook my head, trying to make it look tame. The music was blaring and the people were obviously not as sober as I'd like them to be. There was a group of guys lounging outside on the porch, and as I walked up the stairs behind Elijah my face twisted with disgust as they opening ogled me. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to wear shorts today.

Elijah reached back and grabbed two of my fingers as he pulled me inside the house, and I didn't miss the raised eyebrows on each of the guys' faces. They obviously knew who he was. The minute I walked into the door someone had shoved a drink in my face, though Elijah had grabbed it before I could take a drink, turning to place it on one of the speakers blaring music. He pulled me up beside him.

"I don't want you taking a drink from anyone but me. Someone could slip you something."

I raised my eyebrows, "That actually happens?"

He pursed his lips and nodded. Making our way to the kitchen so Elijah could make us drinks, I couldn't help but notice how tight his grip on my hand was. He obviously didn't want to lose me in the crowd. He let go to pour us some drinks and handed one to me before pulling me away from the kitchen.

"How are we going to get home? I'm not letting you drive your bike drunk," I said into his ear, watching him take a sip from his drink.

He leaned over to talk into my ear, and I could feel his hot breath on my cheek. "I'm only going to have this one. We'll stay long enough for me to sober up, okay?"

I gave a nod and took a sip of my own drink, my face scrunching up softly. Elijah laughed at me and shook his head before grabbing my hand and pulling me around the house. He talked to a few people, but not long enough for him to introduce me. I didn't mind one bit; I'd rather blend in with everybody else as he talked to his douche bag friends. It didn't take me long to realize that he was much different from the people he hung out with, but I kept my mouth shut on what I thought about it. Instead, I took a drink.

As we made our way around the house I could feel my body sway softly. I was sure I wasn't drunk, but Elijah had accused me of being tipsy when my hip bumped into a table. It didn't take him long to figure out I wasn't much of a drinker. As we were passing a hallway I stopped, causing Elijah's arm to tug on mine. He turned to see what I was looking at, and I made my way over to the couple, letting go of Eli's hand. His fingers curled around the belt loop of my jean shorts as I made my way through the crowd, making sure he wouldn't lose me.

"What are you guys doing here?" I asked Katie and Jake as I approached them.

Katie turned to look at me and her eyes widened, as did her smile. She pulled me into a quick hug and pulled back, eyeing me up and down. "I could ask you the same thing!" Her eyes found their way behind me and landed on Elijah. She raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, Eli," Jake said, tilting his cup towards him.

"Hey, Jake," Elijah responded.

Katie eyed both of the boys. "Why don't you two talk while Clare and I catch up?"

Her smile was obviously forced as she tugged me away from Elijah. He was skeptical but let go of my belt loop anyways, watching as Katie pulled me to an empty hallway. As we turned the corner she turned to me and smacked the back of my head.

"When were you going to tell me you were dating _the_ Eli Goldsworthy?" Her eyebrows were raised accusingly, and I pressed my lips together when she said his name. I was so used to calling him by Elijah that it sounded odd when it was shortened.

"Um, I'm not dating him, Katie."

She stood up straighter, "Well then what are you doing here with him? Wait, how do you even know him? You don't talk to anyone other than me or Jake."

I frowned at her words. I never realized just how much of a loser I was until now. "I met him at Halcyon. He works there, and he asked me to hang out."

"So you just came to a party with someone you just met?" Katie asked with her hands on her hips.

I rolled my eyes, "No. I met him the week before school started back up. Remember? I told you and Jake this already." I watched her mouth form an O shape as recognition fell onto her features. "I've been talking to him nearly every day since we met at Halcyon. He's not a bad guy, Katie. He's a good friend."

Katie sighed, "I didn't say he was a bad guy, Clare. I just–" she paused for a moment, taking a breath. "You're just friends?"

"Just friends."

She stared at me for a minute before she threw her hands up in the air, grinning and screaming, "Let's get this party started!"

Two more drinks and a handful of songs later, I couldn't control my laughter. Katie and I were dancing while Jake and Elijah stood on the sidelines talking with one another. It didn't occur to me that people more than likely wouldn't care if I was there or not; to them I was a complete stranger or some familiar face they've seen before but unable to pin point exactly where from or a blurred figure, depending on how intoxicated they were. I could get away with this.

The song changed once again. The back of my neck was slick with sweat and I was out of breath, my body tingling with excitement. I caught Elijah's gaze and found myself making my way over to him. I grabbed my drink from his hand and chugged it back, placing the empty cup on a side table. I quickly pulled his jacket from his body and placed it on the same table as the cup before gripping his hand and pulling him onto the dance floor, ignoring his surprised expression.

Once we were in the middle of the dance floor and his face was merely an inch from mine I breathed, "Dance with me."

Katie and Jake soon appeared next to us and we danced into oblivion. Elijah gripped my hips and followed my movements as the music played. Jake looked as if he had watched too many Chris Brown music videos and Katie seemed to be in her own world, grinding up against his frame. I wrapped my right arm around Elijah's neck and grinned up at him, my eyes unfocused for a second.

"This music is fucking shit!" I laughed as I grinded my hips against his to the horrid music blasting through the house. His fingers dug into my skin as one of his hands made its way to my lower back, holding me against him. The warmth from his body radiated into mine, and I had the urge to pull him closer to me. His eyes looked amazing under the strobe lights that were flashing above, and I wanted nothing more than to drown in them._Hmm… what a lovely way to die._

He chuckled, his hot breath hitting my face. "You're drunk."

I placed my free hand on his chest, leaning into him. "I'm not drunk, you're just blurry."

I watched as his head fell back with laughter, exposing his neck. I fought the urge to lean over and taste his skin, turning in his arms instead. His palms pressed flat against my abdomen as I pushed my backside into his groin. I let my head fall back against his shoulder, feeling his heavy breathing against my neck as our hips moved against each other's. His hands slid down to my exposed thighs and I felt his nails dig into my flesh as they glided upwards, pulling the fabric of my shorts with them. His hip movements were sharp, and every time he thrust them against mine I could feel my heartbeat speed up.

I gasped softly when his hands gripped my hips, swiftly spinning me around to face him. I gave him a drunken grin and his lips curled, showing a sliver of his teeth. Pulling me closer by the waist, he watched my face as he pushed his hips into mine, coaxing me to continue grinding with him. I didn't hesitate to follow his movements, my right arm lifting to wrap around his shoulder, my hand finding its way into the hair at the base of his neck. My left hand landed on his chest when his forehead fell to mine, his eyes wide and curious as they bored into mine. Our harsh breathing mixed as our moves became more heated, my heart beating faster with every brush of our noses, every move of our hips. There was a moment in the song where the singer had stopped singing, the beat cutting out as well for half a second, and in that short amount of time, I heard Elijah moan softly. The little gasp that escaped my lips didn't go unnoticed by him, his eyes shooting up to mine in shock. Or was it embarrassment?

Before I did something my sober self would frown upon, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back out of the crowd. I hastily grabbed his jacket and dragged him into the kitchen. I asked him to grab me a glass of water and he obeyed, telling me to stay where I was. I leaned up against the wall and watched him. Once he returned I took the drink from his hand. He grabbed my free hand and pulled me to an empty hallway, turning to lean against the wall.

"I need a break," I muttered before I took a gulp of water. I held the cup in my hand as I leaned against Elijah's frame, our noses barely touching. One of my legs was between his, my other resting against the wall.

"Do you want to leave soon?" Elijah asked into my ear, his fingers touching the exposed skin between the waistband of my shorts and the hem of my shirt. I wasn't sure where my sweater had gone but I'm pretty sure Katie had put it in one of the rooms.

I nodded softly and took another gulp of water before placing the cup on the ground. I placed my forehead on his shoulder and inhaled; he smelled of cologne and sweat. I lifted my head to look at him, his finger movements unstopping. His hair was flat, and I lifted my hand to run it through his dark locks a few times, ruffling it up a bit. His lips were parted, his breathing uneven, his eyes dark and mysterious.

"You look really sexy right now."

The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I froze for a moment and waited for his reaction. His fingers didn't stop moving against my skin.

"That makes two of us," he replied.

I blinked.

Elijah just called me sexy.

"You're not drunk, are you?"

Elijah shook his head no slowly, his head resting against the wall. I nodded and brought my hands up to cup his face. I brushed my thumb across his bottom lip gently, inhaling sharply when I noticed his tongue behind his teeth.

"Well, I am. And I have this urge to kiss you, Elijah. I want to know how you would feel about that." I didn't even try and stop the words. The words kept flowing and I didn't mind, because this way I can blame it on the alcohol.

This time, his fingers did stop. His hands gripped my hips then and spun us around so I was pressed up against the wall instead of him, one of his legs pressed in between mine. He cast a few glances behind him and then returned his gaze to me. His eyes dropped to my lips.

"Just one kiss?"

I nodded once, "Just one kiss."

The anticipation between the two seconds it took him to lean his head down and the one second it took me to connect our lips were torture. But the softness of his lips melted that all away in a matter of seconds. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself up against him, feeling him press his body to mine. His leg shifted, and I moaned against his mouth when it brushed against the place between my legs. His hand gripped the back of my neck as his lips parted against mine, prying my own apart, and touching his tongue to mine. His other hand wrapped around my middle and pulled me up against him, tighter than I could've ever imagined. I could feel him breathing through his nose, and I realized it was because he didn't want our lips to separate; we agreed on one kiss, and one kiss it would be.

The feeling of his tongue on mine was enough to make my knees weak, but with the way Elijah was holding me up I wasn't sure if he could feel it or not. He tasted of cigarettes and Coca-Cola; that was the only thing he had been drinking for the past hour. This just-one-kiss thing is going to be a piss off in a matter of seven seconds. I didn't want to stop kissing this boy. Something about the way his lips molded to mine had made him seem so addictive, and the mere brush of his tongue made my mind fog. His fingertips were cold against my warm skin, sending a pleasurable wave through my body. The need for this boy's touch flowed through my veins and mixed with the desire for the taste of his lips my mind craved.

Our lips parted, and I whimpered from the loss of contact. That was the end of our _just-one-kiss_ kiss.

"You taste so good," I sighed against his lips. I wondered if the desire I had for Elijah was just an effect of the alcohol. There couldn't possibly be any other explanation for the way he turned me on or the way he made me want to rip his clothes from his body and surrender myself to him. I wondered if I would even remember this tomorrow. God, I hope I do.

His lips left mine, and I closed my eyes as he placed kisses along my jaw and down my neck. "You smell fucking amazing," he groaned into the slope of my neck. I could feel his tongue against my flesh and I fell against him, his arms and the wall being the only things holding me up. Elijah lifted his head to look at me, leaning forward to place a kiss on the side of my mouth.

"That was probably the best kiss I've ever had," I confessed. Not that I've had many, though I'd like to keep that information to myself.

"And you may or may not remember it in the morning," Elijah frowned.

I touched his cheek, "You can tell me about it."

He nodded and untangled himself from me, grabbing my hand to pull me from the wall. He bent down to grab his jacket that I had dropped and the cup of water, telling me to drink some more before we left. I complied and drank half of what was left before placing it on the counter and following him to the door.

"Wait, my sweater." I pulled on his arm. I watched as he turned back to go grab it and returned within a matter of seconds, grabbing my hand once again and pulling me outside. He helped me put it on and zipped it up all the way, making me giggle. _I don't fucking giggle. What the hell?_ We climbed onto the bike and I wrapped my arms around his middle, my eyes feeling heavy.

"Clare, I'm going to need you to hold on tight, okay? Don't fall asleep and _don't_ let go." Elijah said, his voice vibrating through his body and into mine.

I nodded and muttered, "Okay."

I told him my address and he pulled out of the driveway and zoomed down the street. By the time we were at my house I felt as if I wasn't going to make it to my bed. I was so exhausted and feeling Elijah so close was so comforting. Climbing off of the bike and standing beside Elijah, I sighed, placing a hand to my forehead. I was sobered up enough to walk without falling on my face, though I could still feel the dizziness of my head.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I don't know what came over me. I don't want things to be awkward between us."

Elijah smiled, "I'm going to pretend you didn't just apologize for kissing me. And trust me, Clare; I've done way worse with people I'm still really close to. No awkwardness."

I laughed softly and looked down at my shoes. "Right. I forgot you were a ho. Please tell me I didn't catch a disease from your disease infested mouth."

Elijah rolled his eyes. "It wasn't very long ago that you said my disease infested mouth tasted _so good_," he smirked, mocking me.

Nearly losing my balance, I tilted my head back, throwing my hands up in the air, "And the regret begins!"

Elijah laughed, "Goodnight, Clare. See you on Monday."

He tugged my closer to him by my hand and kissed my cheek before starting up his bike again.

"Goodnight, Elijah." I whispered.

He winked at me, and I watched as he sped out of my driveway and down the street.

And that was the moment I felt my heart flutter. The cause, you may ask? Well, it was none other than Elijah Goldsworthy, of course.


	5. refresher courses & suggestions

**A/N**: Hi guys! So basically I (goldsworthys) had to update a day early because my mother grounded me. Yeah, she's kind of a lameo but I mean I gotta love her she carried me around for nine months. But now, the moment you've all been waiting for - chapter 5! Thank you all so much for the reviews and follows and favourites, you are all absolutely amazing and both of us love you to death. Here's an Eli chapter. You're probably in for a pretty great surprise at the end. Okay, anyway, enough of this. Enjoy chapter five.

**Rating**: Does this rating give away the surprise. Oh well this is rated M for a reason.

**Disclaime**r: I own a Smiths poster but not Degrassi or any of the music we talk about.

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Sunday morning was a bit of a blur. I could remember all of the night before, but I wondered if it was real or not. She had kissed me. Shit, why had she kissed me? I kept getting mental images of the way she had been acting all day. The sheer idea of our bodies touching each other made my backbone shiver. I didn't know why I was letting a girl get to me so much. She wasn't that great. Then again… she was pretty great. Truthfully it was only a matter of time before I would end up falling for her. I wonder if she knew that, and that that was the edge she was pushing. Well, it was working.

I also wondered if she would remember any bit of it. I didn't think she was an avid drinker, so it was possible that she could blackout or brown out in the morning and forget the whole thing happened. Either way, I wanted to ask her about it – or bring it up in some easy going, casual way. _Hey, Clare. Remember when we kissed last night? Oh, you don't? Well, it was nice._

I had to think about it all Sunday, too. The whole moment replaying in my mind like a broken record, or a VHS that wouldn't work correctly. The way her lips moved against mine, and how her body molded right in with mine. It was a torturous thought that continued racing through my sex crazed mind again. I hated the idea, but I actually kind of wanted to kiss her again. _You taste so good._

I brought it up to her on Monday in our final period. I did it all subtly and quietly during our ten minutes of free writing, which most kids took advantage of to talk to their friends about other events that went on during the day.

"Clare." I tapped her shoulder softly, and when she turned around, she nearly whipped my face – which was extremely close to hers – with her curls.

"Yeah?" She smiled a little, waving the page of her notebook in the air which was almost completely full. We were only four minutes in. I raised an eyebrow.

"Hell, you write fast." I chuckled a little, and then cleared my throat. "So, uh, Saturday?" I asked. Clare stared at me confused for a moment, and I shook my head. "You don't remember anything, do you?"

"Yeah, not really." She pointed to her notebook and held up a finger. "I'm going to lose my train of thought so can you just refresh my memory in Halcyon later?" I nodded, and she turned away from me. I glanced over at Adam beside me who shrugged his shoulders. I hadn't told Adam about what had happened, but I had some reason I had an idea that he may have heard about it from other people that were at the party. I didn't care though. Never really cared about anything. Except maybe the fact that Clare may or may not have remembered our first kiss.

So I waited patiently until we were at Halcyon to bring it up to her again. Actually, she was the one that brought it up to me. She walked into Halcyon with a mild smile on her face and a completely different outfit than I had seen her in earlier. Truthfully, I don't think I had ever seen Clare wear the same outfit twice. The only thing that stayed the same was her feminine combat boots and sometimes her handbag. And judging by the size of her house that I had seen Saturday night, clearly she had enough money to purchase a thousand outfits. I wondered how big her closet was. I wondered if she owned a thousand shoes like rich girls in movies.

Then again if she owned a thousand shoes she probably wouldn't be wearing combat boots every time I saw her.

"So," I hear her sweet voice fill my ears. She leaned against the counter and flashed me an interested look. "Please give me a refresher course on _all_ the partying I did Saturday night. P.S.," she smiles gratefully and then reaches for one of the CD's sitting on the counter, giving me a disgusted look when she realized the artist wasn't someone she particularly enjoyed. "Thanks for driving me home. I would have hated to end up in the bathroom of… wait, whose house was that, anyway?"

"I don't fucking know," I laughed. I leaned against the counter as she was, letting out a deep breath. "Well, predominately, you had like four cliché red cups of alcohol, actually convinced me to _dance_ with you, and uh, kissed me."

Her eyes widened slightly.

"I just straight up kissed you? Oh, God; I'm sorry." She turned away from me and I could tell that she was embarrassed. I shook my head, and reached towards her to place a gentle hand on top of hers. I squeezed it a little, making her turn her head back to look at me. She looked flustered, and adorable all at the same time.

"No, no, Clare," I laughed. "It was a mutual thing. You just initiated it."

She calmed down then, and smiled a little. "So what, I was like, _Elijah I want to kiss you, _and you were like, _okay_? That was it? There were no awkward talks before or after it? Jesus, that doesn't sound like me. Whatever." She placed her handbag –a new one, actually – down on the counter and nodded her head towards it. "Hold that for me, would you?" I nodded. She walked around the store, looking over things as if they had changed since she had last been there… only two days before. "So, how was it? The kiss?"

"Is this a trap?" I asked, and Clare let out a sharp laugh.

"Not quite. I just want to know what happened. So I can imagine it, or whatever."

"You want to… imagine the kiss between us?" I questioned. I raised my eyebrows slightly and Clare nodded. I bit down on my bottom lip and shook my head to myself. There was no way I was going to describe it to her when there were easily other things I could do. Other things that all day Sunday and all day today I had been longing to do but couldn't. I peered behind the curtain where Dean would usually be, and saw that the door to his upstairs apartment was shut, meaning he was doing office work. Or at least that's what he told me he was doing when the door was shut. Hell, for all I know he could be screwing someone up there. "Clare, come here." I waved a hand my way, and she walked around and behind the counter to where I was. She was smiling. "I'm not going to describe a kiss to you."

Now she frowned. "But –"

"When I can _show _you."

Clare furrowed her eyebrows, and I nodded.

"Close your eyes," I ordered, and she skeptically did as I told her to.

I tried my best to recreate the kiss I'd been reminiscing about for the past two days. I dipped my head down to meet hers, our lips meeting for the second time. I didn't know I could miss something I'd only experienced once before, but I knew now. Instinctively, her arms wrapped around my neck, adding to the recreation. I shifted my body weight to my other leg, sliding my knee in between her staggered legs, in which I suppose she gasped at the sudden action. I tried hard not to smirk or laugh to break away from the kiss that I knew didn't end so soon, because soon after then would come where I'd part our lips and slide my tongue into her mouth to feel the delicious texture of her own. My hands wrapped around her, meeting at the small of her back and pulling her against me.

When I finally broke away, there was a surprised expression on her face. She hadn't expected it to be like that, I could tell. She hadn't expected it to be so intense and creative. She stared at my neck for what seemed to be a while, as if she was processing the moment over and over in her head.

"What'd I say after that?" She finally asked.

"You told me that I tasted good," I answered, and then I cleared my throat slowly. "And then I told you that you smelled fucking amazing." I breathed in her scent, and tried hard not to sigh at the loveliness of it all. "And you do." I placed my hand on her cheek, watching as she blinked several times, taking in the moment that had just passed. I wondered if she was actually surprised that I had kissed her, or if she was surprised that the way I had kissed her was so romantic. I don't know; but the look on her face when we had finished kissing made it all worthwhile. "Do you want to know what else you told me?" I asked.

"I don't know. Do I?" Her voice was shaky, indicating she was almost a nervous wreck.

"That it was the best kiss you'd ever had."

Clare nodded her head slowly, acknowledging the words that she had said. Maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise to her that she had said something like that. I stepped around her to get back to the front of the counter, leaving her standing there awkwardly trying to comprehend the moments that we shared. I wasn't sure what was going on between us either, but I quite liked it. Some fucked up friendship we might have been beginning. Or maybe I just had feelings for her.

Nah.

"Hold up," Clare said quietly. She followed me, only she went around the counter so that she could lean against it and look at me like she always did. I liked it when she did that. "So we just kissed each other and that's it?" She asked and I nodded. "We kissed twice and there's no awkwardness or mixed up feelings or anything? We're just… normal?"

I answer her question with a question. "Why, do you want the two of us to be an awkward Disney Channel chick flick?"

"No." She answered flatly, and then she made a face as if she was thinking hard about something. But I chose to ignore it and start up a new game of Solitaire on the store computer. After a month of playing on the damned 2005 computer, I'd mastered the game. Hell, I could even complete a round in about eleven minutes. "I think I like that idea." She says quietly, and I hum in response to get her to go on about whatever she's thinking. "Kissing and stuff without letting feelings get in the way…" She trailed off. In a few swift movements, she reached over the counter and grabbed her bag that she placed there regularly. "I gotta go."

"What?" I looked up from the computer screen. "You've been here like twenty minutes!" I argued, but she was already heading for the door. "What am I supposed to do for the next five hours of my shift?" I asked, and Clare shrugged her shoulders, pulling the door open.

"Play some more Solitaire! I'll see you tomorrow!"

Clare Edwards was a riddle wrapped inside a mystery wrapped inside an enigma. Good old her; with her abrupt ideas and how she would run out of a room – heels clicking and clacking, mind you – at a sudden thought. Maybe, I wasn't developing feelings for her; I was just attracted to her. Yeah, that could be a thing, right? Her hips and her perfect curves and her smile and her dazzling eyes. Ouch – I'm analyzing this as if I'd like her.

And I don't, so.

The next few weeks between us were as normal as ever. There were no spontaneous kisses that would arise between the two of us (though they would have been nice). She didn't bring anything up either, and I didn't dare to. Constantly Adam would ask me questions about her, like how far we had gone and how great she had to be in bed when honestly neither of us had ventured past those two kisses. I never knew how I felt about that. Clare wasn't exactly 'reserved' around me, but I wasn't about to propose that the two of us get on my bike go hookup somewhere far, far away. As fucking fantastic as that sounded.

But then one day changed everything.

God, that sounds so fucking cheesy. But it's true. One day, one simple question changed everything. It was simple, it was abrupt, it was completely out of the ordinary too and… for some reason when I replay that question over and over in my mind, I always say yes.

She had some of her curls pinned back that day. She was drawing lazy circles with the chained pen on a sticky note that she requested that I'd go get. Today, instead of lounging in one of the oversized chairs the store sported for comfortable music listening enjoyment, Clare sat on the inside of the counter, her legs dangling off right in front of me. She had a pair of shorts on, that revealed the silkiness of her skin that was almost irresistible to touch. Almost.

"Have you ever had sex, Elijah?"

My body stilled for a moment, my back still turned to her as I twirled a record in my hands. I placed the record down and turned to look at her, slightly confused with my eyebrows raised. I crossed my arms and leaned against the counter as I usually would, looking at her curiously.

"Sure." I shrugged my shoulders casually. "Why?"

She ignored my question, answering with one of her own, "How many times?"

"Is that important?" I laughed, and when Clare nodded, I cocked an eyebrow. "I don't know. I never really counted or anything." Lie. It's like five or six but you never tell a girl how many people you've slept with. When she didn't say another word, I let out a shallow breath. "So where'd this unpremeditated topic arise from?"

I watched her intently as she sucked in a breath, her eyes locked on mine. I didn't miss the way she was picking at her thumb nail, anxious about something.

"Do you want to have sex with me?"

There it was. The last question I would've ever imagined coming out of her mouth. And yet she had said the words, and I nearly choked as they passed through her plump lips. For a moment I was thankful that the store was empty. Dean had the day off and nobody had been in here for about half an hour, leaving Clare and I alone. I wasn't exactly sure if that was good or not.

"What?" I asked finally, choking out the word.

"You heard me, Elijah." Her voice was stern, and I knew I had been caught. She had figured out my attempt in trying to get her to change her words. A part of me was hoping she'd take the out I had given her and say something different, but the other part, a much bigger part, was hoping I had heard correctly; that's what made me so confused.

I watched as her legs swayed softly as they dangled off of the end of the counter. Her shorts had ridden up just the slightest, exposing nearly too much of her thighs for me to handle. Her skin looked so soft and touchable, making me remember the way her neck felt against my lips that night at the party. I wonder if she knew exactly how often I thought of that kiss.

Jesus Eli, this girl just asked you to have sex with her and you're thinking about the two little kisses you shared nearly two weeks ago? Grow some balls and answer her.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I said softly.

She shrugged, clicking her tongue. "Say whatever you want. It was just an offer. It stands until you don't want it too."

I sucked in a breath and shifted my weight onto my other foot. "There are cameras." I eyed the camera in the corner, facing down on us.

When I turned back to her I blinked; she had one perfect little eyebrow raised, a smirk tinting her lips. I didn't say no. Why didn't I say no? Well shit, I knew why I didn't say no. She was fucking gorgeous and sexy and those hips and that silky smooth skin. Fuck that's why I didn't say no. I wanted to, well, as _Fall Out Boy_ would put it, _I wished to be the friction in her jeans. _Well, in this case, shorts.

"Is that a yes, Elijah?"

And for the first time since I had met her, she had said my full name, and I fucking loved it. Her voice dripped with seductiveness and I nearly dropped my pants right there. Images of pushing her to bend over the counter while I made her scream my name flashed through my mind and I swallowed.

Instead of saying anything I turned my head away, eyeing the front door. I made my way over to it and stood before it, staring at the side of the sign that read CLOSED as it glared at me. Reaching up, I took the corner of the sign in my fingers and turned it, letting other people know that the store was closed. I pulled the curtain shut and turned my head to look at Clare, smirking at the little grin on her face.

"This calls for some fucking awesome music." She jumped down from the counter and ran to one of the shelves, pulling out a record before placing it in the player, turning it up. It took me a moment to realize what it was, the soft music that suddenly turned jazzy within a few seconds. It was like she was reading my mind. The mind that had told her the first day I met her that I liked _The Kooks_.

She played _The Kooks._

I stood behind her and touched her shoulder, "Are you sure about this?"

Without replying she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the back of the store, behind a few shelves and to a wall covered in posters. She turned and pressed her back to the wall, eyeing me with dark eyes and biting down on her bottom lip.

"There are no cameras back here. We're safe."

"Not quite," I replied. Reaching into my back pocket I pulled out my wallet and dug through it until I pulled out a small foil packet. "Now we are."

She grabbed it out of my hand and examined it, "Do you always carry condoms with you?"

I grinned, "Of course. You never know when a good friend of mine will ask me to have sex with her in a record store."

Her hand reached up and her fingers tip toed up my arm. I looked at her and tilted my head. "No strings, right?"

She placed the condom back in my hand and looked up at me, shaking her head with a glint in her eyes. "No strings."

And that was all I needed.

I didn't have to take a moment to think about how to begin it all. Mostly because I had been imagining things happening between us for weeks. I'd been imagining touching her and kissing her and putting my hands all over her countless times. That may come off a little 'typical-horny-teenage-boy' to you, but hell, a guy's got needs. Maybe that's how Clare felt about it too. Fuck, if we were both thinking the same things… if we were, why hadn't she said something earlier?

Whatever.

I didn't waste much time. I crashed my lips to her, meeting bubble gum flavoured lips with my own. I had not forgotten at all how delicate her mouth was, and how soft and innocent her tongue seemed to be. But clearly she couldn't be so innocent; she was suggesting sex to me. We'd never even brought up the sex topic before, but I assumed a girl so devastatingly gorgeous couldn't be a virgin. It was just common knowledge.

Everything was very rushed. I lifted Clare's shirt above her head and my lips plunged for her neck, which I suckled on gently. Her pale flesh felt so smooth and polished against my mouth. And I knew I had found her sweet spot when my teeth sunk into that unblemished, flawless skin and I heard a gasp come from her precious mouth. Holy hell, Clare Edwards was hot. Her hands grabbed for the end of my own shirt, tugging it above my head and tossing it nearby. She looked me up and down momentarily, as if she was getting in the full image for dreams later on. Oh God, now I'm thinking about what she does in bed.

"How long have you been planning this?" I breathed. I reached for the button of her little shorts, and unzipped the zipper and pulled them down her legs.

As she stepped out of them, she answered, "Honestly it was spontaneous. You just looked really good today. And Dean's downtown. I thought I should take advantage of it."

"Fuck." I growled, and began to unbuckle my belt. "I won't question it, but I'm doubtful that that's the truth."

"Believe what you want – you're still going to see me naked."

It was impossible not to laugh at her comment. So I took a moment to chuckle lightly, and pulled down my jeans as I did so. It really didn't take very long for the two of us to become properly aroused. I mean, with her body and the way she kissed me it was easy as fuck. Probably because she was attacking my neck with beautiful lips and pearly white teeth. I glanced up at the wall I had her body pressed against for a moment and took notice of poster of _The Smiths _hanging on the wall above her head. Steven Morrissey looked pretty nice in the picture. But I didn't know why I was taking in the surroundings instead of fucking Clare's brains out.

I tugged on Clare's small pink pair of underwear, and she pulled down my boxers and the two of us stepped out of the unneeded undergarments and kicked them to the pile of disorganized clothes. God, we were so close, I could taste the moment on the horizon. Somewhere within all the kissing and touching between the two of us, I'd ripped open the condom package and put it on. I reached for Clare's legs and hoisted her up against the wall, wrapping her legs around me. My cock pressed up against her inner thigh. She moaned every time I'd grind my hips against hers. Our lips gave each other sloppy kisses and finally I decided that enough was enough. I had to get on with this.

I had to fuck her now.

I brought my lips to Clare's ear, my breathing erratic and heavy. I guess girls liked that or something, but whatever. I positioned myself for her, and pushed forward – suddenly hearing Clare's little shriek of pain.

Wait.

Pain?

I slowed down a bit, hearing Clare muffling cries of horror. That's when it hit me. That's what she hadn't mentioned. Fuck. I pulled my lips away from her ear and stared nervously at her eyes. They were closed, and her cheek was stained with a single teardrop falling. Oh my fucking God. A single detail Clare Edwards had left out of the whole _let's have sex _scenario. One itsy bitsy little detail.

"What the fuck?" I said loudly, and Clare's eyes stared widely at me. "You're a _virgin_!?"


	6. accepted challenges

**A/N**: Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews and favourites and all that jazz! Really means a lot to golsdworthys (becca) and I! So hopefully this chapter answers some questions that you guys have and if not feel free to leave your questions in a review! Personally I'm a bit iffy on this chapter, so I will totally understand if you hate it and think it sucks because I totally agree. Anyways, enjoy! (Yo this is Becca intervening for like two seconds and I don't know why she's iffy on this chapter I love this chapter.)

**Rating**: Questions will be answered and smut will be finished.

**Disclaimer**: We don't own Degrassi sorry to disappoint. But if we did Becca wouldn't have let eclare break up.

**Summary**: _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Elijah stared at me with wide eyes, his breathing harsh and uneven, and his hands gripping my hips. I bit my lip, my legs tightening around his waist and nails digging into his back. I didn't expect it to feel this uncomfortable.

"You're a virgin?" Elijah repeated, his eyes searching my face.

It hit me then that maybe I should've explained myself more. Maybe he deserved to know that I was, indeed, a virgin. Maybe I should've told him that the farthest I've ever gone with someone was a little groping over the clothes, and that was in grade nine. But there was a part of me that felt the need to keep it to myself. A part that whispered in my ear, telling me that I'd get hurt if I opened up to him. It reminded me why I even asked him in the first place; Elijah was a friend. If we were to follow through with this, there would be no strings, no awkward goodbyes, and no heartbreak. It's just me, and him, and the deflowering of my untouched body.

I had never intended to do such things with him. I had never even thought about asking him to share this with me. I had never even thought of him in such a way until that recreation of our kiss at the party. Even then he seemed more like a close friend than someone I would give my virginity to. But today I had noticed the way his head would tilt back when he laughed, exposing his neck to me, and the way he would accidentally caress my skin every chance he could get, or the way his eyes would drop to my lips every so often. It's not like I'm bragging about it; there was just _something_ in the air that had urged me to ask the question. I had never expected him to accept the offer.

But, we're in too deep to go back now.

"Just keep going," I responded, letting my forehead fall to his shoulder. His hot breath was on my ear, his lips parted.

"Clare," he said sternly. I lifted my head to look at him, pulling him closer by my legs, trying to get him to start moving. He grinded his teeth and held my body still against his. "Stop it. Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin? If I'd known I'd…"

"You'd what?" I growled. "Wouldn't have kissed me as hard as you did, or touched me as roughly? Why does it fucking matter? Just fuck me already, please." He stared at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I pulled his face to mine, pressing our foreheads together and letting our breath mix. "I want you, okay? Please don't treat me like I'm some breakable little girl."

He kissed me then. It was soft, and when I felt his hips move back and then into me again I knew why. I whimpered softly, feeling the pain as he pushed into me slowly. He thrust into me once again and I pulled him closer, crying out into his mouth as his movements turned into something wonderful. Picking up on my new found pleasure, Elijah shifted my body against him, his arm wrapping around my waist to hold me up as his pace increased.

"Ohh, fuck," I cursed, my head falling back to the wall. Every time he'd thrust into me I could hear his little grunts, his eyes closed in focus. I gripped his face in my hands and kissed him, letting him push his body into mine harder than before, his thrusting becoming hard and sharp. I nibbled on his bottom lip and opened my eyes to watch him as he moaned softly, one hand leaving my back to press firmly against the wall.

"Wait, wait, stop. Put me down."

Elijah opened his eyes to look at me curiously but obeyed, placing my feet on the ground. I lifted one leg and wrapped it around his waist, placing his hand under my thigh. "Hold me like this."

His other hand wrapped around my waist as my back rested against the wall. He entered me again and shot his gaze up to mine. "Holy shit," he moaned, immediately starting a smooth rhythm between us. "I thought you were a virgin. How in the hell did you know this would feel _so fucking_ good?"

I grinned at him, my back arching softly into him as he hit that one spot inside of me. I gasped out the words: "I read a lot."

His chuckle filled the room, followed by my cry of bliss. His mouth hung open for a brief moment, his thrusting increasing. Elijah groaned, his fingers digging into my back. He stopped suddenly, but only to grab my face with the hand that wasn't holding my leg up and kissed me, his mouth rough and desperate. I moaned into his warm mouth, feeling exactly what I needed. He didn't treat me as if I was some delicate doll and I fucking loved every minute of it.

"Fuck me, please, just fuck me," I begged against his mouth, my heavy breathing making it sound like rushed whispers. Elijah picked me up and wrapped my legs around his waist again, moving us over to a waist high shelf and setting me on it. He held my legs open and thrust into me, all while giving me a better view of his face. The burning in my abdomen only built up more with every jack hammered thrust he gave me, his hands gripping onto my body for dear life. I stared at him through half lidded eyes as he watched himself pump in and out of me, his bottom lip pulled tightly between his teeth.

"You're so fucking sexy… oh my fucking God," he moaned, angling himself a certain way as he thrust in and out of me, hard and fast. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, my stomach twisting beautifully every time he pounded into me. "This is your first time, yeah?" I gave a nod and opened my eyes to look at him. "Well, I better make it memorable."

My breath caught in my throat when he reached down and pressed his fingers to my swollen bundle of nerves, rubbing fast and hard. His hips never ceased their movements, nor did his fingers, and I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. My hands shot out to grip his neck and back, pulling his forehead to mine. I looked into his lust filled eyes as I cried his name, letting it roll off my tongue over and over again. He pressed himself inside of me, standing there for about two seconds before beginning to thrust, once again. I could feel myself coming to a close and the only thing I could think of doing was kissing him one last time, before this was all over.

I pulled him to me and kissed him with nearly every ounce of passion I could muster up, wanting it to feel half as amazing as my body did at that moment. I arched my back, pressing my body into his, and feeling his arms wrap around me, lifting me from the shelf and holding me to him. I felt the wall press to my back once again, though his arms never left their places around my back. Our lips broke apart to release the curse words we had been holding in, breathing them into each other's mouths. My arms tightened around him and my high pitch cries filled the room, making me silently thankful that the cameras didn't pick up noise, and the fact that Dean was out with his buddies and not upstairs was definitely a plus.

And then, as Elijah stared into my eyes and held me tightly against him as he pushed me off the edge, I felt it. My mind lost all thoughts for a moment, and I couldn't even see straight as my body tingled with a sensation I had never experienced before, shaking me to my core. I had had my first orgasm, and with none other than Elijah Goldsworthy. He had me screaming like a siren, and the look in his eyes told me he enjoyed every second of it.

His pace slowed down, his thrusts becoming slower and smoother, until he finally just let himself rest against me, holding me and pressing me against the wall. My arms were still wrapped around him, holding him to me as our foreheads rested against each other's, my body shaking softly. His fingers brushed my hair out of my face as he ran a hand through it, holding the back of my head. His breathing was heavy and uneven, as was mine.

I closed my eyes and brushed my nose against his. "Thank you," I breathed out softly.

"You're trembling. Are you okay?" Elijah asked.

I opened my eyes to look into his curious ones and smiled, "I'm wonderful, Elijah."

He nodded softly and then tilted his head, eyeing me curiously. "Why do you call me that?"

"To be completely honest, I know how much it bugs you," I smiled when he rolled his eyes. My chest heaved up and down, my breath still uneven.

He set me down on my feet again and bent down to pick up my shirt and bra, handing them to me. "Can I admit something?"

I pulled my bra and then shirt over my head, "Sure."

He tugged on his boxers and grabbed his shirt, holding it in his hands. "You're kind of the only best friend I've ever had. Aside from Adam, obviously."

"You're only saying that because we just had sex." I countered.

He shook his head, "No, I'm saying it because it's true. Even without the sex. I have never met someone who isn't afraid to speak their mind like you do. You tell me off when you know you're right and you don't put up with my bullshit, which is something that is very annoying but highly amusing. Even so, your taste in music is beautiful and I'm jealous, and you're so passionate about the things you love that I can't help but listen to you as you rant on about a favourite song or album or artist, even when my ears are bleeding. Not to mention, you're almost as witty as I am." His smirk made the most embarrassing laugh bubble from my throat.

I smiled and tugged on my panties, then grabbed my shorts and pulled them on, buttoning them up. I smiled, "To tell you the truth, I feel the same way. You may not love the same things I do but you don't try and shove your hatred down my throat. Katie and Jake are great, but they don't appreciate the same things as me, unlike you who, for reasons unknown, actually have good taste in music. You're kind of the only one who knows the real me."

Elijah dropped his jaw, "Why is it such a surprise that I have good taste in music?"

I laughed, wondering how that was the only thing that he caught out of my whole speech. I placed my hands on my hips and tilted my head towards him, raising my eyebrows. "Have you seen the way you dress?"

He stopped tugging on his pants and looked at me with a confused frown, "What's wrong with the way I dress?"

I laughed and shook my head, turning to make my way towards the front of the store, leaving him behind to ponder what I meant.

When he returned to the front, fully clothed and running a hand through his hair, I jumped back on the counter. My lower region felt a little uncomfortable, making me shift in my spot. Elijah took notice, and stared at me softly for a moment before turning and walking behind the counter.

"Please don't try and make this anymore awkward than it already is."

Elijah looked up at me, eyebrows furrowed. "We said no strings; why would this be awkward?"

I rolled my eyes, "We made that agreement before you knew I was a virgin. I just want to know if anything has changed on your part."

I watched carefully as he jumped on the opposite side of the counter, pulling his body up so our elbows were touching. "I don't know how to say this without sounding like a dick, but to be honest; I'm completely fine with no strings attached. I like having you around, Clare. Sex isn't going to change that. It's only awkward if you make it awkward."

I stayed silent for a moment. Turning my head, I looked at him, my lips curling. "When did you become the most awesome person I have ever met?"

"The first day we met when you walked through that door at four seventeen," he said, pointing towards the front door.

We shared a laugh, and I jumped off the counter, spinning around to face him. "I better get home before my parents call the police."

I grabbed my things, pulled on my jacket and swung my bag on my shoulder.

"Clare," Elijah called out, and when I turned to look at him I couldn't help but notice the proud smirk on his lips. I raised an eyebrow, waiting. He grinned and said, "You're glowing."

…

The following week had been exhausting. I missed a day of school for feeling under the weather, though I snuck out to go to Halcyon to see Elijah, surprised when he handed me a tea when I arrived. It was a little cold but I accepted his kind gesture. I had a few assignments to catch up on, bringing my homework to the store so Elijah could help me with it when he wasn't busy with a customer, explaining everything I didn't understand in a way that made it click. He was very patient throughout it all, even when I got frustrated. I had stayed up late most nights, either working on some homework or surfing YouTube for new music, losing myself in the sidebar.

Nothing seemed to change between us, just like we had promised. If anything we had grown a lot closer. Elijah talked to me between classes during school, accompanying me on my walk through the scattered hallways. He ate lunch with me outside once, Jake and Katie joining us after a few minutes. It was different, but in a lot of ways better than usual. This way I had someone to talk to while Katie and Jake sucked each other's lips dry.

I stood outside with him on Thursday as he smoked a cigarette, trying not to blow the smoke in my face. A few of his buddies had joined us, joking around with him for a bit before leaving. I didn't say much, but it seemed like they didn't really care, anyways. He had dropped his cigarette and apologized for their behaviour, earning a shrug from me. It didn't really bother me. They weren't the people I hung around with every day, so I tolerated them better than he had.

By the time it hit Saturday night I was emotionally drained. I had turned in early. It felt like I just shut my eyes when my mom called me down to eat. I had yelled back telling her that I was still sleeping, and she left me alone for the rest of the night. I didn't feel any better the next day, sleeping in as late as I possibly could until I was disturbed by my mother once again. The doorbell had rang, echoing through the entire house. My mother yelled up to me from downstairs, making my head hurt just by hearing her voice.

"What?" I groaned loudly, shoving my face into my pillow.

"Someone's at the door for you!" She hollered back.

"Come on up!" I yelled back, remembering Katie had mentioned coming to visit me on the weekend.

I heard the door to my bedroom open and shut softly and the sound of feet against my hardwood floor. Suddenly, my body jerked up from the bed as a body was thrown on the bed beside me. I whipped my head to see who would do such a thing, knowing Katie wasn't one to disturb me; she normally used my computer until I woke up. That's when my gaze fell onto a pair of green eyes, the emerald in them shinning as they looked at me. Elijah grinned at me, the smile reaching his eyes.

"Morning sunshine!"

His voice was annoyingly loud, and I groaned, shoving a pillow over my head. I felt him move one of the pillows I had surrounding my body, placing it under his head and getting comfortable.

"It's too early for this," I mumbled.

Elijah laughed, "It's nearly two in the afternoon."

I pulled my eyebrows together, turning my head to look at him. "What are you doing here?" I paused before asking a second question. "How the hell did you find my house, anyway?"

"I drove you home the night of the party. Kind of hard to forget a house like this." he said, making me frown. I forgot about him driving me home. I wasn't planning on telling him where I lived. I don't like people knowing. Besides Katie and Jake no one knew, and I liked it that way. Less judgment if people don't know I lived in such a fancy house.

I sighed, "Well, could you try your best to forget it? It doesn't define who I am."

His eyebrows pushed in, "I didn't say it did, but now I understand what you meant by you not needing money. You're life's kind of set out for you, huh?"

I frowned. "Not the way I want it to be. Honestly I just want to take off on a road trip with nothing but my records and iPod… and maybe my black heels. I look sexy in those."

Elijah chuckled, "I'll keep that in mind." I looked at him and he stuttered, "I-I meant the road trip, not the heels."

I laughed softly and turned my head back the other way and cuddled into the bed again. I heard him say my name, urging me to turn back around, but I stayed put. Maybe he'd get the hint. When I didn't move from my spot I heard him shift away, grabbing something, and then settling back next to me. "I brought you something."

Deciding that I wouldn't be able to sleep any time soon, I rolled and shifted my body until my head was resting on his stomach, my body lying in an oddly comfortable position. "What is it?"

"Take your pick," he said. I heard a bag ruffle before he dropped the whole thing on my stomach, a bunch of different types of junk food falling out. I dug through the bag and took notice of the number of chocolate bars and small bags of chips, each a different kind. There were a couple of movies and CD's placed under it, and a wide grin spread across my face.

"I'm getting the feeling that Sundays are usually your lazy days."

I could hear the smile in his voice, "I don't work Sundays. And, the fact being that you never have any plans, I figured we could spend the rest of the day in."

I rolled over and sat on my knees, bending over so my face was next to his. I gripped his chin in my hand and pushed his head to the side, kissing his cheek. "I can't wait to eat all of this."

"I think you mean _we_ can't wait to eat all of this."

I had already opened a bag of chips and shoved a few in my mouth, pausing when he spoke. He raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded frantically, shoving a few into his mouth. He laughed and ate the chips while I brushed the crumbs from his chest.

"I hope you don't mind, but I'm not changing out of my pajamas. Unless I get warm, then off the shorts will go. You're more than welcome to strip as well; my room is a clothing-optional zone." I winked at him and shoved another chip in my mouth. My pajama's consisted of a baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts; way too comfortable for me to change out of.

Elijah groaned in delight, "Seriously, why are you so _cool_? Pants are so fucking annoying and I am sure as hell going to take you up on that offer."

I watched in amusement as he stood up and shook his jacket off, his pants soon following. I watched the muscles in his arms as they tensed with the movement of removing his pants, and the thought of them flexing as he thrust inside me replayed with vivid detail in my head. I eyed his skull and cross bone boxers, shoving another chip in my mouth to keep from moaning. He slid in the bed beside me, and I shot him a look.

"At least take off your socks!"

He rolled his eyes and then reached under the covers to pull his socks off, throwing them to the floor. I watched as he cuddled the blankets to his body, sinking further into the bed. "I may never leave this spot, Clare. I hope that's not a problem."

"No problem. Being a hermit is one of my many qualities."

Elijah grinned at me and I threw the bag of chips at him before getting up, grabbing a movie out of the bag as I did so. I chose the one that seemed the least horrible and stuck it into my DVD player, turning on the large TV. I closed the curtains more effectively, making sure no light could get in, the room darkening dramatically, before I climbed back into bed beside him.

We watched a few movies, laughing when necessary, munching down on the junk food, and talking in between lines. A lot of the time I would find myself shoving some pieces of food in Elijah's mouth, and soon enough he was doing the same, sharing whatever he was eating with me by shoving it into my mouth, also. My parents had popped by to tell me that they were going out for drinks with some friends, and I was surprised when they didn't even blink at the sight of Elijah and I in bed together. We weren't in a compromising position or anything, but I didn't think they would be completely okay with me in bed with a boy. Hours passed and by the end of the third moving we had gotten into an argument on who could beat who at a wrestling match.

"Fine, if you're so sure of yourself, let's wrestle." I stated, raising my eyebrow at Elijah's stunned face.

"Here and now?"

"Unless you're too much of a pussy."

Elijah laughed once, "You're so on."

We found ourselves kneeling on the bed, facing each other and getting into position. I counted down to three and we lunged forward, one of his hands grabbing my wrist while my free one grabbed his, each of us pushing at the other. Soon enough our arms gave in and we became a tangle of limbs, our bodies rolling around on my bed in a fight. We grunted and laughed, using every ounce of strength we could muster up. I could feel him slowly winning as he managed to get me on my back, his hands gripping my wrists as he straddled me.

"Give up yet?" he asked, his eyes shining in the dim light as he stared down at me.

I grinned, "Not even close."

I twisted and turned until he wasn't straddling me anymore and moved to press my feet to his abdomen, lifting him up and flinging him backward onto the bed. He landed with a soft grunt, his back hitting the comforter and pillows. I swiftly turned and sat on my knees near his head, my hands gripping his wrists as I stared at him, his face and body upside down.

"Where the fuck did you learn to do that?" Elijah gasped.

I grinned, "I was in karate for a year as a child. That was the one move I never forgot."

"Well aren't you something else."

His hot breath hit my face as I stared down at him, my hands unwilling to let go of his wrists. His eyes were staring at my lips, waiting for something to happen. I slid my hands down his arms softly and slowly, catching his gaze when he looked into my eyes. Once I made it to his chest I slid my fingers behind the fabric of his shirt, my hands disappearing under the collar of his shirt. His breathing hitched slightly when I raked my fingernails across his skin gently, moving so my lips grazed his. The sexual tension in the air was thick enough to choke on, and I sucked in a breath before I got carried away, moving my head so I could rest my forehead against his.

Retracting my hands, I sat up. Elijah stared at the ceiling for a moment, the room completely silent.

"Do you have time for a dance party?" I softly asked into the air.

Elijah lifted his wrist to look at it, and I tilted my head curiously. "Huh. This would have been more effective if I was wearing a watch."

I let out a short laugh before making my way to my computer to put on some music. I clicked on the artists and then clicked on _The Audition_, pressing shuffle. The song _Approach The Bench_ played through my speakers and I turned it up, turning to walk over to Elijah who hadn't moved. He looked at me as I stood before him, and I reached out my hand to him, smiling when he took it. Pulling him up from the bed we made our way to the much more spacious part of my room. Just as the chorus picked up Elijah spun me before I began jumping around, shouting the lyrics. He watched me for a few seconds, the grin on his lips never faltering.

Just when I was about to stop and yell at him for letting me dance alone, my eyes widened when he began dancing. I stopped my jumping and watched him, feeling a bit jealous by the way he could move. I laughed softly to myself when he started moving around me in a circle, a slight jump in his step as he sung the words. He placed his hands on my hips and sung the second verse into my ear, and my heart fluttered at his voice; this boy sure knew how to sing. The chorus picked up again and he spun me around to face him, grabbing my hands and ran on the spot, moving my arms until I mimicked his actions, laughing my head off.

More songs played and we danced around my room, laughing until our stomachs hurt at each other's horrible dancing, although I could tell Elijah was holding his impeccable dance moves from me so I wouldn't feel bad. I could hardly breathe by the end of the fifth song, the both of us sweating and out of breath. With us both deciding this would be our last song, Elijah pulled me to him once again and dipped me, my hair flying out of my face. I smiled as he held me there, my hand clasped tightly with his. When he pulled me back up I sucked in a breath, realizing our proximity. His arm was still twisted around my waist, holding me close to him, our chests pressed firmly against each other's.

"Perhaps we could listen to one more song," Elijah suggested, his breath hot against my face.

"What's your favorite Bieber song?" I teased.

His soft chuckle filled my ear. I gasped softly when his other arm snaked around my waist held me hopelessly close to him. "Do you really think Bieber is appropriate right now?"

I let my head fall onto his shoulder, closing my eyes when I felt his lips graze the slope of my neck. I reached up and ran my hands through his hair. "We said no strings."

"I didn't say there had to be any. But I also don't recall anything about it being a one-time thing."

I don't know who initiated it, but I found my lips entangled with his once again. His mouth was eager to taste mine, nipping and sucking and licking. Thoughts of my deflowering in Halcyon flashed through my mind, causing the place between my legs to pulse. I gripped his shirt in one hand while the other found the back of his head, grabbing a handful of hair. I tugged his lips away from mine, his breath hitting my face as he eyed me. He leaned forward again to capture my lips, and I pulled back slightly, watching his face. He tried again and I leaned in to graze my lips against his, pulling back before it became more.

Elijah growled and gripped the sides of my face before kissing me, hard. I moaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, sliding my hands behind the waistband of his boxers and down, grazing my nails along his smooth flesh. I caught his moan with my lips and let his tongue slip into my mouth, tasting him. We stumbled back towards my bed, one of his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling my body up into his. Falling onto the bed, I pulled him on top of me, gasping for air when he broke away to place his lips to my neck.

"This is a twisted friendship we have here, Elijah," I mumbled, closing my eyes.

"We said," he kissed me, "no strings." His mouth covered mine once again, his body pinning mine to the bed. "No one said anything about having some fun."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine, hungry for the taste of his tongue. I must have seemed needy by the way I kissed him, but the way he held me so desperately made any insecurities fly out the window. Fun. This was for fun. He wanted fun. I could give him fun. And my God was it ever fun. Gripping his hip with one hand I lifted myself up, pressing my sex to his groin. I could feel him trying to break away from my lips for air, but I held him tighter to me. His moan was pushed into my mouth, and I happily swallowed it.

Finally breaking free, Elijah gasped, "Jesus, I can't breathe around you."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "Let's make this interesting. I have a proposition."

Elijah curled his perfect lips into his signature smirk I try so hard to mimic, "I'm listening."

"We continue our friendship, hanging out and sharing music – whatever it is we like to do. Except we add sex to the mix. Friends-with-benefits, if you will."

"What are the rules?" Elijah asked coolly.

I grinned, "I think we both know how this works; I've seen plenty of films about this stuff. Friends start having sex, thinking _oh yeah life is great_ and then bam, their sucked into a whirl pool of feelings and emotions, finding themselves helplessly in love with each other." Elijah shifted, brushing his nose to mine, urging me to go on. "Our challenge, my dear friend Elijah, is to not fall in love with each other."

He raised his eyebrows, "What makes you think I'd fall in love with you?"

The smile on my face never faltered, "If you're so sure that you won't, you'll have no problem with this challenge then, will you?"

Elijah lifted his chin challengingly, and then, with a simple thrust of his hips, pressed himself against me, a moan bubbling from my throat.

Elijah smirked, "Challenge accepted."


	7. birthdays & feelings

**A/N**: Hello swag kings and queens, I present you with the next chapter of Halcyon. This is a filler chapter let's be freaking real but it's really cute + hot and amazing all at the same time and you will all love it. Is it just me or did update? Oh well, it's looking mighty classy to me if I do say so myself. Anyway, enjoy an Eli point of view. Also, in case you were wondering about the timeline, I'll explain for you right about now.  
First Chapter: September 3rd  
Second Chapter: September 4th  
Third Chapter: September 5th & 6th  
Fourth Chapter: September 21st  
Fifth Chapter: September 23rd & October 7th  
Sixth Chapter: October 13th  
Seventh Chapter: October 27th  
There now you guys are all caught up on what the dates are and how long time has past. Swaggie? Okay I'm off now, enjoy this bad boy

**Rating**: *cue birthday sex by jerimiah*

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Degrassi or any music stated and I can't come up with anything witty to say here.

**Summary**: _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Honest to God I really always hated my birthday. It was just a fucked up day in the middle of the year that was celebrated by kids that I really didn't even like very much. I can think back to my sixth, seventh, eighth birthdays and those were all right. That's when all the kids were obsessed with Hot Wheels and the birthday cake was always fantastic. But then as I grew older it would just become less and less appealing, and less and less ideal. And eventually by my sixteenth birthday I realized that the party wasn't about me anymore. It was about my friends, and how drunk they were going to get. How fucking trashed they would be by the end of the night and how usually I'd wake up and find them still in my house somewhere. Except for the stray kids that were smart enough to have one drink and leave early. But that's really not the point. The point is: I just fucking hate my birthday. And this year would be no different. Hell, I didn't even have the funds to throw an alcoholic party _for my friends. _I had the means to sit at home on my day off and maybe play some Call of Duty with Adam over Wi-Fi connect. Honestly seeing him would just gave me reminders of the date.

My parents didn't wish me a happy birthday this year. My fucking _eighteenth _birthday and nobody said a word. I came downstairs, hoping maybe just maybe, Cece could make me pancakes with a candle on the top like she used to when I was little, but there was nothing. Perhaps it was the money issue that made them forget. Or maybe it was because they were both such dicks that it completely slipped their minds. Either way, I didn't care because I hate my birthday.

I think the best part about this year's birthday, though, was that it was on a weekend. I wouldn't have to deal with the howls from the football team from across the hallway wishing me a happy birthday, or the hockey team, or the drama club girls or the cheerleaders. Yes, even the cheerleaders. I always wanted to believe that I wasn't very popular at school but when it came down to it, I guess I was. But I didn't _try _to be popular. So I guess that's what made it a difference. Anyway, my birthday was on a weekend and so everyone just plain forgot. Adam didn't mention it to anyone (or at least, I don't think he did) and neither did I, so everyone just forgot this year. 2013: the year everyone forgot Eli Goldsworthy's birthday.

I didn't even tell Clare, which is a little surprising because I noticed that as of recently I've been telling her everything. Since the past two weeks of us being… friends with benefits(?) I could often find myself talking my head off about whatever came to mind. I'd rant to her about how I wanted to go to college in New York but how I'd never be able to afford it, and how my parents were being total douche-wads every second of the day. Truthfully, I don't know if Clare exactly gave a shit but she put a smile on like she was listening so I guess that was all that mattered. But seriously, I didn't breathe a word of it to her. This Sunday, my very special day off – I didn't tell her. And I had begun to regret that after Adam was unable to play COD with me.

"What are you doing right now?" I caved and called her.

"Baking an apple pie and listening to _The Smiths. _What are _you _doing right now?"

"Mm, apple pie. I love apple pie." I said in response, completely ignoring her responding question.

"I know you do." She didn't say anything for a moment, but I could still hear her breathing and the sound of the water running in the background. Probably the sink. She was probably cleaning up. Why was I overthinking all of this? "Seriously, what are you doing? You sound totally bored and I'm starting to think that this is a mid-afternoon booty call." I snorted.

"Not exactly, Edwards. But I am about to invite you over."

Clare giggled into the phone. "Ah, so this is a booty call. I'm wondering if I should be offended or flattered. Either way, I'll be over in thirty!" She hung up without another word, and I began to note in my head that that was one of the things I liked about Clare. I liked her spunk. The way she would bop around some moments, and then others she could be melancholy and even sometimes a stuck up bitch. Hell, she had a lot of different faces, but I liked them all.

Not saying that I liked her, though.

Because I didn't.

Because… this is a challenge. And I can't like her.

Because if anyone is going to fall for anyone, it's going to be her – for me.

When Clare arrived, she smelled of her apple pies, yet she lacked in the pie department. I almost thought about scolding her for not bringing it over, but I soon got over it when we sat down on the couch and she agreed to play Call of Duty with me. I taught her how to play the game, and we killed some Nazi Zombies and for a moment it didn't actually feel like we were _friends with benefits _or something anymore. It really just felt as if we were friends. Just two friends hanging out, playing video games, that would eventually eat junk food and maybe talk about girls. Wait, but that wouldn't work because she was a girl. Either way it just all felt so normal. So human. I didn't want to find myself enjoying it too much because I knew that the kissing would come eventually. The kissing always came eventually.

Not that I particularly minded the kissing, because Clare Edwards was a marvelous kisser. The way she could work her tongue in magnificent ways, and how when she kissed me she would run her fingers through my hair and play with the collar of my shirt. And how kissing would eventually lead to other things. Other things meaning us on a bed or a couch or a wall or an anything and she would be begging for me. _Elijah!_

God, I need to get my head out of the gutter.

"Where's your parents?" She asked me as we were restarting a game. She died, and I didn't have enough time to go back and revive her. There were zombies everywhere.

"Dunno. Bullfrog's probably at work doing a triple shift and Cece is most likely out with her friends doing Cece shit and I don't know when she'll be back. Thus, why I called you over here. I'd achieved maximum boredom." I paused, wondering if I should spill the details about the date.

"I knew this was a booty call." She teases. "You just can't go a single day without being away from me, I get it. I'm addicting." She's referring to the fact that it's Sunday and technically I wouldn't usually see her. Technically I'd be seeing her through a computer screen because I would find myself lurking her FaceRange all day long. I swear, I don't like her.

"You're right. That's the reason. I can't stand being away from you." I pause again, and swallow hard. "That and the fact that I really didn't feel like being all alone on my birthday."

She gasps, giving the generic _oh my god I had no idea it was your birthday! _reaction that I totally hated. Whatever. She managed to make it look cute, anyhow. "Seriously? Jesus, Eli, I would have brought the pie!"

"I don't like talking about it." I wince, as she throws her arms around me and places a kiss on my cheek. "It's not exactly my favourite day of the year."

"Quit whining. You're eighteen now! Now you can buy cigarettes without fake ID's!" She beams, and I have to fight from laughing. It's true. She knows all about the fake ID's too. I even offered to get her one, but she told me that she had no use for such illegal things. I turn to look at her, and I notice how dangerously close our faces are from each other. We lost all our boundaries a while ago, I guess. She crashes her lips to mine for a quick peck, and pulls away, grinning madly. "Look at you, all cute and grown up. You deserve a special big boy gift."

"Do I get a bouncy house and a magician?"

She snaps her fingers and then unhinges her grasp from around me. I realize once she's gone that the warmth she was providing me has quickly evaporated. "I've got an idea." She stands to her feet, and smoothed out her dress. I have no idea where she's going, or what she's doing, but I suddenly put the pieces together and realize that she's heading for the front door, and she opens it. "I'll be back in an hour." She tells me. "Don't go anywhere."

"Bring the pie." I tell her, and she rolls her eyes.

"I'm not bringing the pie."

She shut the door behind her, and I suddenly missed her presence. I didn't like her. I didn't like her. I didn't like her. But I liked the way she was, and how she didn't make _that _big a deal out of it, but she could tease me sweetly. I didn't like her.

I played more video games while she was gone and I listened to _The Smiths _because it started to remind me of her. It reminded me of _500 Days of Summer _and how the main girl listened to _The Smiths. _For a moment I wondered if we were like Summer and Tom. Two young people who are just having fun and not thinking about the consequences and trying not to fall in love. But that would make me Tom. And that would mean I would fall in love with her.

Fuck.

She came back an hour later, as promised, with a bag full of crap and waving a CD in her hand. She instructed me to wait down here until she was ready, and that what she was preparing would be well worth the wait. I was actually scared, thinking that whatever she might be doing could possibly be embarrassing. Oh well, at least she wasn't throwing me a party. That was the weird thing about me. I liked parties, and I could enjoy going to them sometimes. But not if they were thrown for me. Never if they were thrown for me.

Adam called a few minutes later, apologizing like crazy for forgetting my birthday and that if I wanted he could scrape together a party before seven thirty and that the two of us could get wasted as hell and both get with a couple of cute chicks. But as _fascinating _as that may have sounded, I turned him down. I told him I had plans with family, which was a lie, of course, but he bought it. He told me that he was sorry he couldn't play Call of Duty with me before and that if I wanted to play now, he was ready to kick my ass all the way to Russia, and that maybe one round he would let me win.

But Clare called for me before he got the chance to do that.

Walking up the stairs, I felt my heart rate speed up. She was just waiting for me in my bedroom. She had something planned. That very thought scared the shit out of me.

"Oh, Elijah!" She called from behind my bedroom door. She could probably hear my bare feet stepping on creaky stairs. I pushed open the bedroom door, and I had to stop my jaw from dropping. I'd never have expected this. I'd never have even given this one thought. Clare Edwards was wearing lingerie.

Mental images of Clare in the past hour driving down to the mall and rushing into Victoria's Secret to buy that little outfit flooded my mind. Her trying it on in the dressing room to make sure it would fit tight enough. So that when my hands would run over the fabrics on her skin it would be so form fitting and sexy as hell. And not only was it lingerie, it was _black _lingerie. I'm sure Clare could pull off any colour that she could choose but she'd picked black. Probably because she knew that it was my favourite of colours. Probably because she knew it would turn me on. God was she right.

"This is… unexpected." I said quietly, and Clare did a subtle turn around so I could see the whole ensemble.

It was one of those silky kinds of outfits. And when she would twirl around I could get a whole view of it and how a lacy bra cupped her breasts so nicely and the black silk would fall from the ends of it. I didn't know much about women's underwear, but I knew that I fucking liked this.

"Do you like it?" She asked, and then she shook her head. "Actually, I don't care if you like it. Sit down." She ordered, and pointed to my desk chair which she had pulled out and placed in the middle of the room. I shut the bedroom door and did as she told me to. I never realized how uncomfortable the wooden desk chair was until this very moment. She walked over to my CD player, and tilted her head to the side, her curls bouncing lightly at the sudden movement. "I really don't know what to say before one of these things so I guess I'll say…" A devious grin curled onto Clare's lips as she uttered the words: "Happy birthday, Elijah." And a song suddenly began to play.

Clare stepped around my chair, and my eyes followed her as she did so. She stood in front of me, and as he legs wrapped around mine, straddling my lap, I raised an eyebrow. She bit down on her bottom lip, staring me down. My hands gripped onto her waist, feeling how nicely they fit right with her curves. My eyes laid upon her chest as her breasts moved up and down. She was breathing heavily – and it was contagious. She ran her fingers through my hair, breathing out deeply through her mouth, letting the smell of her minty fresh breath hit my mouth instantly. Fuck, she knew how to turn me on quickly. Her lips had been stained with lip stick, and I longed to press my mouth to hers, but when I tried, she pulled back and pressed a finger quickly to my longing lips.

"Sorry, honey. You can look, but not touch. Those are the rules."

I swallowed, taking her orders seriously, but a smirk curled onto my lips afterwards. Clare's soft hands smoothed out my chest, and reached for the hem of my shirt to pull it over my head. She pressed her lips down my neck, leaving bright red lip stick marks all over my neck and soon next, my chest. She'd subtly sweep her tongue across my skin, and stare up at me with eyes that had a mixture of nervousness, yet total control all at the same time. Like she had been planning all of this for a while, yet it had all been mustered up within the hour.

Clare placed a single, open mouthed kiss on the corner of my lips, and then stared at me. I was brought back to that time when I first saw her, believing that she was an angel and I was the devil. I wondered if I had corrupted such an angel – or if she was a fallen angel all along. Clare swayed her body to the chorus of the song, the lyrics slipping out of her lips as she danced on me. "_You're my heroine, just suicide. If I let you in, you crawl inside. Oh you save my skin. She can't wait to sink in. My heroine_."

Her hands slid down my chest, meeting at the waistline of my jeans. But she kept her big blue eyes on my lips the whole time. My lips were the goldmine she was after. Her hands suddenly squeeze at my crotch, erupting several swear words from my lips. Clare giggles lightly as both of us can feel the hardness appearing in my jeans.

"There we are." She whispers seductively into my ear. I swear, though, where the fuck did she get all this shit? Where was she reading and watching all these films? I bit down on my tongue to suppress a groan and Clare seemed to notice. "Getting excited, are we?" She teased, squeezing gently again. She stands to her feet and I watch as her hips sway to the beat of the music, as I'd seen many times before at Halcyon. But this time is different. Holy hell, this time is much better. I watch with wide eyes as she runs her hands all over her own body and I wish to be those hands. I wish to be the hands sweeping through her curls and grasping over her breasts and down below. I clear my throat to lead her back to me, and she laughs softly. "Elijah, sweetheart, you're so cute." She whispers. She resumes her place on my lap, and her lips come dangerously close to mine. "Could you help me with something?"

I nod slowly, eager to help with whatever she had in mind. She shakes her curls over her shoulder, revealing the two straps that lead around her neck. She instructs me to untie them for her, and I gladly do. The straps fall down from their spot behind her neck, and she reaches to pull the silky lingerie off of her body. I almost miss it, once it's gone. But then my eyes come across her breasts and I forget all about the sexy black cloth that she had on moments before.

That's when she reaches for the button on my jeans. I inhale sharply when I watch her undo my pants like it's her second nature. She doesn't seem the least bit nervous or uncertain, and I almost moan at the sight. I lift my hips when she tugs on the piece of clothing, helping her pull them off my hips, tugging my boxers with them. Once they're low enough, she frees my length and grasps me in her hand, a small hiss escaping me. Her eyes dart up to mine and I hold her gaze as she begins stroking slowly. My breath hitches the more she moves her hand, the music blaring through the speakers as my hands grip the seat of the chair, my knuckles turning white. She's so fucking sexy.

"Shit," I curse when she gives the head a gentle squeeze. My eyes widen when she leans down to lick the pre-cum from the tip. And then her mouth is on me. Holy shit, I'm in her mouth. She takes more of me in her mouth and I let out a loud groan when she retreats, her cheeks hollowing against me as she sucks. "Jesus. . . Fuck."

My hands tangle in her hair as she continues to bob her head over me, taking more and more of me into her mouth the faster she goes. Her hand reaches up to stroke what she can't fit in her mouth and I feel my leg twitch when she gives a hard suck. Our eyes are locked and I fight the urge to close mine because I want to watch every move she makes. She moves her head faster over me, sucking hard and squeezing when necessary. I realize just how hard it is to believe that Clare was a virgin when I met her; with the way she's working her mouth on me you'd think she does this for a living.

"Holy shit, Clare." I moan loudly and my head falls back, my fingers gripping her curls. I can feel just how close I am to my release, and it takes everything in me to push her away. I open my eyes to look at her pouting lips, wanting to have them back on me. But the need for the rest of her body is much more powerful. "Fuck the rules." I slur, and I watch seconds after as she raises an eyebrow and then as her expression becomes confused when I grab her wrists and pull her to a standing position. I lift her up by the hips and bring her to my bed. I'm harsh, but not harsh enough to hurt the poor girl. I lay her down, and climb above her. Her breathing is irregular and I can tell that she's trying to maintain her dominant, sexy composure that she was portraying before I had grabbed her.

"Now, now, Elijah," she's stuttering now. I'm getting to her. Fuck yes, I'm getting to her. "If we don't follow the rules there will have to be a punishment." She pauses for dramatic effect, and then smirks deviously at me. Shit, I'm sure she was prepared for an outburst from me or something. "If you break the rules, you'll have to watch."

Like a dumb-ass, I breathe out: "Watch what?"

Clare's subtle, perfect laugh fills my bedroom, and even with music playing loudly I could hear how adorable it sounded. I watch as Clare's hands seem to roam around her body, and then I get what she means by... _watch_. One of her hands slowly slides down her stomach and into the lacy black pair of underwear she was sporting - and she touched herself. Holy. Shit. Clare Edwards was touching herself in front of me. I always knew she had courage, but never this much. Clare Edwards had balls. I knew that since the first day when she had requested my friendship on FaceRange. I knew that since she had given me her number. But this was like tying the knot all over. Fucking hell.

A gasp fell from her lips and my eyes laid intently on her face as she enjoyed every second of it. Every second of her own fingers rubbing against herself, and I was suddenly jealous. I wanted to be those fingers. I wanted to be kissing her down below and making her gasp and moan and scream.

"It's my birthday." I blurted out, and Clare's motions stopped, and she peeped an eye open. "And I want to do what I want. So stop..." I gestured all over her body. "Stop doing all of that and let me fuck you."

Clare's eyebrows rose immediately and I wonder if she was annoyed with my sudden outburst, or intrigued. Her hand slipped out from her panties and her mouth fell open slightly and she uttered the words:

"Then by all means, Elijah..." She paused, and her lips curled into a smirk. "_Fuck me_."

This was when all of the fun began. This was when I pounced like a tiger and kissed her all over and touched her simultaneously. She'd gasp, and lift her hips up off of my bed into my hand that rubbed her so painfully slow. I reached for the dresser drawer beside my bed, my knees the only thing supporting my body weight, and shuffled around blindly for a condom. When I had finally located one, I yanked my lips away from Clare, pulled my hand out of her underwear, and sat up straight - leaving her flustered and utterly breathless. Just how I wanted her.

I ripped open the condom package and fumbled around with it in my fingers for a few seconds. But then Clare gasped and sat up when I began to actually put it on. "No, no." She grabbed for the little plastic thing and fiddled with it in her hands. "Let me."

My eyebrows raise both consciously and subconsciously as Clare sits forward and takes my cock in her hands. She rubs one hand up and down slowly while the other slides the condom on. I close my eyes and let out a shallow breath.

"You must be watching porn." I groan, "You fucking know what you're doing."

"No porn. It's disgusting watching other people have sex with each other. Pitiful, even."

"Ah, so I guess that means we won't be making a sex tape any time soon then." I joked, but I suddenly felt her lips dangerously close to my ear, and she whispered:

"Now, I didn't say that."

I can't see it, but I sure as hell can feel the smile on her face, and hear the seductiveness dripping from her tongue. My fingers hook around her lace underwear as I yank them down her body. She's giggling with excitement and her lips are curled into the biggest grin I've ever seen on her mouth. But once I've managed to get us both naked, I silenced her laughter with my lips, kissing and biting all over her. I slid my hands all over her body, lifting her hips up off of the bed to meet mine, as one of her legs wrapped around my torso.

I push into her, and she gasps so elegantly that it causes me to smile a bit. I don't even find myself starting off slow as I usually would intend to. Because it's my birthday and as I had stated earlier I got to do what I fucking wanted to. Our hips crashed, our lips battled, our eyes were tightly shut in bliss. God, fucking Clare Edwards was heavenly.

"_Elijah_…" She moaned out, and I never realized how great my full name sounded until that moment. When her head was pressed into the pillows, and her back arched into mine, I noticed how beautiful she was too. I kissed down her neck, leaving small bite marks as I did so. I knew in the morning she would probably be covered in lovely little bruises but I didn't say a word about it, nor did I really give a shit. Hell, when did I _ever _really give a shit?

I cursed under my breath, and suppressed embarrassing groans of ecstasy. The way her small body felt underneath me was fantastic. The way her warm breath would hit my face was phenomenal. The way her normally snippy, attitude stricken voice would speak was moaning and whimpering because of me was just added pleasure and greatness to the moment.

Wow. Happy fucking birthday to me.

Neither of us lasted very long. Either it was the fast pace we had begun at, or maybe it was that time felt short during such moments of bliss, but I didn't fucking care. Because when she finally reached her breaking point, she did as she always did. She would wrap her arms around my shoulders and hold on, and her legs would quiver around me, and she would leave shaky breaths in my ear and sometimes she'd whisper how hot she thought I was in dirty little words that I didn't even know she knew. It was a bit of a self-esteem booster, I won't lie.

We both collapsed in a heap when it all ended. All I could hear was the two of us breathing heavily and the music from the CD Clare had brought over. I didn't even know the song.

"Wow." I breathed, trying hard to catch my breath.

"Yeah, wow basically covers it." Clare laughed. I climbed off of the bed to clean things up a bit. Dispose of the condom, put Clare's clothes neatly in a pile, and put the desk chair back. And then I climbed back into bed with her. We pulled the blankets up to our chests, and for a few minutes, we just kissed each other. Nothing more than our lips touching each other. It was simple and almost innocent. Nothing like we ever experienced before.

We were wrapped up in the sheets. My legs were tangled with hers and it began to come into my mind that this might possibly be the best birthday I had ever experienced. Even better than seven year olds and Hot Wheels. There was this glisten in her eyes when she looked at me, and her breathing was still slightly irregular but I knew it would calm down in a few minutes. She just stared at me, bright eyed and excited. I slid my arm around her waist, bringing the two of us closer to each other. Our breaths mixed.

"Thank you for today." I said softly. I didn't know why I was keeping my voice down, but I was. And she started to as well.

"You're only thanking me because I gave you a lap dance." She giggles, and the sound of her laughter fills my bedroom for a moment. "I told you that today was a booty call."

"It wasn't a booty call." I promise her. I licked my lips slightly. "Honest, when I invited you over, I had no intention of the two of us having sex with each other. I just... Like being around you."

Clare smiles. "I like being around you too."

I didn't know what to say after that. So I pulled her closer into my arms and sighed. We were cuddling with each other. My arms around her, her head on my chest. Honestly it was just a big mess of feelings being thrown out for her to see. I needed to just face the music. It was clear. No, it was painfully obvious that I would be the loser of this game. Feelings were added to the mix. I was sucked into her whirlpool of emotions just like she had said. Fuck! She had called it from the beginning! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I looked down at her head resting so peacefully on my chest and I wondered if she was asleep. It wasn't late, but I suppose sex between the two of us could be considered exhausting. She looked so cute. Her angelic-like qualities quickly returning to her as she held onto me softly. I wouldn't say that I was in love with her, but, as cliché as it may have sounded, I was definitely in like with her. Deeply, deeply in like.

She stirred slightly, eliciting a delicate, sleepy moan from her mouth. Perhaps she really was tired.

"Sleep here if you want." I offer, and Clare shakes her head, her messy curls brushing me.

"I just need to rest a little. I'll go home eventually, I swear." Clare answers, almost as if she would be nervous to spend the night. Like she wasn't worthy to spend the night. "You're cozy." She looks up at me, and I smile.

"Thanks."

I'm portraying utter happiness on the outside because, hell, I should be happy. Technically, I am happy. But inside I'm boiling up with anger because of this stupid game.

This stupid game is fucking with my head.

I realize now - that I want to fall for her.


	8. the physics lab

**A/N****:** Aye! I'll make this quick and short. Thanks for all of the reviews and follows and favorites. We love all of your support! This is kind of a filler chapter, but I'm sure you'll still enjoy it. **ALSO!** I (Degrassi-love3) have a new story! It's called _Beautiful Mystery_ and I'd really appreciate it if you guys checked it out! Anyways, enjoy chapter 8 of Halcyon!

**Rating**: Becca is too sick to come up with something witty so basically ya theres smut.

**Disclaimer**: We don't own Degrassi or the music we talk about, unfortunately.

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiralling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Walking into English class I couldn't help the smile that was plastered on my face. I had a surprise for Elijah, and the image of his face lighting up like a Christmas tree made me very excited. I couldn't wait to tell him. I sat in my seat and watched as Ms. Dawes started her lesson. About ten minutes into the class I turned around and looked at Elijah's desk, my eyebrows furrowing as I realized he had yet to be here. I turned back to the front and decided to wait a bit more.

When I realized there was only five minutes left of class and Elijah still hadn't showed up, I gave up hope. I frowned and pulled out my phone, quickly sending him a text asking where he was. I picked at my nails as I waited for a text, but frowned even deeper when he didn't respond. The bell rang and everyone rushed to run out the door. I sighed and stood up before grabbing my books and making my way to my locker. As I was shoving my books into my locker I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I quickly shoved everything inside my locker and fished my phone out of my pocket to see a text from Elijah.

_I'm outside, waiting for you on the steps. Didn't feel like going to any classes today._

I raised an eyebrow at the text. He had skipped all day? I bit my lip and put my phone away. I grabbed my bag and closed my locker before heading outside. People scattered to their cars and sped off, the busses carrying others following suit. I watched other's walk away from the school, friends by their sides or alone with their iPod. It didn't take long for the school parking lot to be deserted, aside from the teachers cars still parked.

I spotted Elijah sitting on the front steps. I made my way over to him and slowly sat down, watching him intently. He cast a glance my way and I frowned at the look in his eyes before he turned back to stare ahead. His eyes were dull and filled with sadness, his normal shine gone. He was upset, I could tell in the way his shoulders were hunched over, and by the frown staining his lips I knew he was hurting.

"Elijah," I whispered, hoping he would look at me. He didn't. "What's wrong?"

Ignoring my question, he began to speak, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I wouldn't be in class. I went for a drive to clear my head." I nodded in response and watched as he looked to his hands. His frown deepened. "My parents are fighting again."

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"I don't want you to be sorry." He wasn't angry with me; he sounded more monotone than angry. "I just want you to be my friend."

I slid over to him and wrapped my arm around his before grabbing a hold of his hand. I placed my chin on his shoulder and looked up at him. "You're my best friend, Elijah. Whatever you need, I'm here for you."

"Spend the rest of the day with me?" Elijah asked softly, his eyes focused ahead. "Get my mind of things. You know, ride my bike till we decide to stop, get ice cream, make a porno; I'm fine with either one."

I laughed softly and felt a spring of joy in my chest when his lips curled up into a smirk. I wrapped my arms around his neck, "Ice cream sounds nice."

He chuckled and turned his head to look at me. He smiled and I noticed an admiration in his eyes that I'd only ever seen when he let his walls down. "What would I do without you?"

"Die a very lonely death, with no one to draw a moustache on your picture at the funeral."

A grin spread across my face as I watched his head tilt back with laughter that sounded like heaven itself. I stared at him and bit my lip. There was a feeling in my chest that made me feel confused and scared. There was something in me that would only come out and flutter when I was around Elijah or thinking about him. My stomach tied in knots and my chest ached, which made me fear the end result. We had agreed on a challenge, and I sure as hell didn't plan on losing. But at this rate I wasn't sure if I would win, either.

His arm wound around my shoulders and he brought my head into his chest, his low chuckle softly fading out. "You're hilarious. Please, continue amusing me with your skilled lips."

I didn't think twice about my next move. I swiftly broke from his grip and placed my hands on either side of his face, pulling his lips to mine. Still in shock, his lips stayed frozen against mine until he realized that I wasn't going to pull away any time soon. I opened my mouth against his and sighed softly when I tasted his tongue. He tasted of cigarettes; he must have had one recently. One hand pressed firmly against my back while the other held the side of my face, his thumb brushing my cheek softly. I didn't know where the kiss came from but I sure as hell didn't want it to end.

Elijah nipped at my bottom lip, and I frowned when he pulled away. He looked at me, his eyes searching mine as his hands held me. He breathed, "That's one way to do it."

I smiled and tightened my grip on his cheeks. He winced and quickly pulled from my grip, turning his head away. I frowned, "What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Clare, don't worry about it." He looked at me with a side glance and smiled, making my frown deepen. Something was wrong.

Before he could resist me, I placed my finger on the side of his chin and quickly moved his head to the side, gripping his hair in the other hand to hold him there. He groaned as he struggled to break free from my grip, but the only thing I was focused on as a gasp fell from my lips was the growing bruise on Eli's left cheek bone.

"Oh my God," I breathed. He finally broke from my grip and covered his cheek with his hand. "What the fuck is that, Elijah? What happened?"

"It's nothing, Clare. Just drop it," he grumbled.

"No. This is serious, Elijah. Tell me what happened." He didn't say anything, and I grew angrier with every passing second. "Elijah, tell me what the fuck happened or so help me God I will–"

"I SAID DROP IT CLARE," Elijah shouted at me. He was red in the face and his fists were clenched. I had never seen him so angry before. He had never yelled at me; sure, he had gotten aggravated or annoyed by me, but he had _never_ yelled at me. I was shocked, to say the least.

I stood to my feet and narrowed my eyes at him before turning and walking away from him. My fists were clenched and my breathing was hard. I had half a mind to walk over to his house and give his parents a piece of my mind. I could hear Elijah's footsteps behind me as he caught up, gently tugging on my elbow.

"Clare, stop. I'm sorry." When I didn't stop he ran up in front of me and I collided into him, quickly taking a step back. "Clare, stop."

He opened his mouth to say more but stopped when he noticed the look on my face. He reached out to grab me but I took a step back, ripping my arm from his grip. I lifted my hands to my face and groaned into them. I was extremely pissed off, and had nothing to let my anger out on. Elijah just stood there and stared at me, a blank expression on his face. I removed my hands from my face and placed them at my sides and glared at him, wanting to scream at him for being so stubborn all while wanting to hold him and kiss him until he felt better.

Fuck, I needed to get my emotions intact.

"Clare…" Elijah breathed softly, slowly dragging my name out. "It's nothing, I swear."

"Fuck you," I spat. He blinked, but I wasn't finished. "You're really fucking stupid if you think that's nothing, Elijah. Was it your dad?" When he didn't say anything I punched his arm, trying to get him to break. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him, but he winced anyways. "Tell me what happened!"

He didn't say anything. He just stood there and blinked at me, his arms dangling by his sides. I breathed through my nose and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Tell me what fucking happened."

Again, he didn't say anything. I watched angrily as he bowed his head and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. I huffed and shoved at his chest, trying to get something out of him. He took my shove and stumbled back, standing still where he landed. I gave him an expectant look when he glanced up at me and watched as his shoulders slump.

"I'm sorry, I deserve that. I shouldn't have yelled at you," he spoke quietly. His eyes were glued to a tree in the distance. "I don't want to be like my dad."

"Christ, Elijah." I stepped towards him and placed my fingers on his chin so he would look at me. His eyes were dry and his expression blank, making me frown. I waited for him to give in and spill everything to me, but he stayed quiet and continued staring at me. "Did you tell your mom?"

He shook his head. "No. My dad looked about as shocked as I was. I don't know if it'll happen again, but I think he is finally realizing that he has a problem."

"I'm sorry," I said. I stepped up on my tippy toes to press my lips to the corner of his mouth, making sure I was on the side of his face that hadn't been bruised.

"Don't be sorry," he muttered. "It wasn't your fault."

He turned his face slightly and pressed his lips to mine. When he pulled away I leaned forward to give him a hug. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I'm always going to be here for you."

He nodded as we parted and shoved his hands back in his pockets. We began to walk towards Elijah's bike. "So, are we going for ice cream or making a porno?"

I turned to look at him and laughed, nudging his side. Playful Elijah is back. "Why not both?"

Elijah turned his head to gape at me, and when he noticed the look on my face he relaxed and laughed, shaking his head. "I totally thought you were serious for a moment."

We reached his bike and he climbed on, me following suit. I wrapped my arms around his middle as he brought the bike to life. Leaning in to his ear, I whispered, "Who said I wasn't?"

…

Elijah bought me ice cream. It was clear about his money situation, as he had told me several times that he was tired of supporting the family, but he wouldn't relent until his cash was in the register and it was all paid for. He said he wanted to repay me for him yelling at me. We both got cups of vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce and gummy bears. I was the one who suggested the gummy bears because I told him that they would cheer him up. There was a small table near the window, and that was the one we sat at. We were surprisingly quiet while we ate. No Elijah trying to play footsie with me underneath the table or cracking jokes about how his hair looked like shit after riding the motor cycle. He was just painfully quiet.

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" I asked. Elijah shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess. I mean, I have no reason not to tell you."

He shifts in his seat slightly, his eyes glazing over with nervousness for a moment before he stirs his ice cream slowly. I don't rush him, because he looks like he's uncomfortable and trying to figure out what words to say and how to say them. And when he finally does open his mouth, I'm all ears.

"It started like a usual argument, you know – Bullfrog being a douche bag, and CeCe crying. I hate seeing her cry, you know. It like, fucks me up." He pauses, and messes with the spoon for a moment. "So I freaked out, and started yelling in defence for her. She ran upstairs. Bullfrog yelled, I yelled. I was yelling things like, _fuck you, do you see what you're doing to her?_ _She hates herself because of you. You fucking dirt bag, scummy piece of shit, no good waste of life_. And he lost it. He hit me and I guess I kind of deserved it. I was being an asshole, too."

"You didn't deserve it." I shook my head. "Nobody deserves to get hit."

Elijah let out a shaky breath. "Neither of us said anything after he did it, like, we were both in shock that it had actually happened. I grabbed the keys to the bike and I fucking bolted, Clare. I got out of there before he could beat me to a pulp because that's what I thought he was going to do. God, I'd never seen him so angry before."

I reached across the table and took his hands in mine. "He's not going to hurt you again."

"I'm scared to go home, to be honest."

"Well," I squeezed his hands gently. "You can always hide underneath my bed."

Elijah smiled, and looked down. "Thanks. You do have a nice shag carpet."

It was like a cheesy romance movie, and we leaned across the table to give each other a quick peck on the lips.

"Don't be scared anymore." I whispered, and Elijah smiled, pressing his forehead to mine.

"With you around, I won't."

…

Football games have always been a drag. I've never really liked them. I only have one reason for going; Katie. But now I have a reason for staying; Elijah.

Katie, Jake and I walked toward the bleachers, their hands clasped tightly and my earphones placed in my ears, playing loud enough to block out most of the cheering. The sun blared against the skin of my legs that my shorts didn't cover up and the shoulder my oversized sweater fell off of. My sunglasses blocked out most of the light of the sun as we walked, and I watched as everyone was sitting on the bleachers, cheering and hollering support for our schools football team.

Katie nudged my arm and pointed to a spot in the middle of the bleachers where Elijah and Adam sat, waving his hand at us. We made our way over and I slid in next to Elijah, Katie and Jake taking the seats on the other side of me. Elijah grinned and placed his hand on my leg. I pulled the earphones out of my ears and smiled at him as I shoved my iPod in my bag.

"Hey," I said.

Things have been slightly different since the day I found the bruise on his cheek. Somehow it brought us closer in a way, and I've found that he has opened up to me a lot more in the last few days than before. If something was bothering him he'd have no problem venting to me, even if it was about his parent's. I think knowing that I didn't judge him on the fact that his parents were assholes made him trust me more, which felt really nice.

"Hi," he responded before turning his attention to the game and hollering with everyone as they cheered. "I work today. Are you coming to visit me?"

He wasn't looking at me, but I nodded anyways, "Of course."

Elijah cheered again with the rest of the crowd and fist pumped with Adam before turning to face me. I noticed a couple people staring at me, but thought nothing of it. They didn't seem to be disgusted or anything, so I let it slide. I felt Elijah's hand squeeze my thigh to get my attention. I turned to look at him and said nothing as he searched my face. He clicked his tongue and then turned back to the game slowly, his hand still placed on my thigh.

"How are things at home?" I blurted.

Elijah turned to look at me and gave a nod, "Fine. Bullfrog apologized, but things haven't really been the same."

I nodded in reply and he turned back to the game.

"Are you as bored as I am?" Katie asked into my ear.

I turned to look at her, "The real question is, are _you_ as bored as _me_?"

She snorted and ruffled my hair, "You're so weird."

I grinned and shook my head to fix my hair before pushing my sunglasses up to the top of my head. The game went on and I watched the sweaty football players run around while throwing the egg shaped ball to each other, trying not to die of boredom. Elijah, Adam and Jake seemed to be enjoying themselves while Katie and I subtly listened to my iPod.

When I looked over at Elijah I noticed the look in his eyes. He was just as bored as I was, though he was putting up a front for Adam and Jake. Or maybe it was for me? Nah, he knows I don't care for this shit. I looked at the board and noticed that we were winning by a long shot. I twisted my lips to the side before pulling the earphone from Katie's ear and leaning over to Elijah, ignoring her whines of protest.

"Come with me," I said to Elijah. He turned to look at me with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I admitted and leaned closer to him. "I'm just really bored and figured you could help me have some fun."

The grin on my face told him my double meaning, and I watched his eyes darken and lips curl up. He turned to say something to Adam who nodded. Elijah stood up and walked off the bleachers, turning to give me a look. I stood up and followed, explaining to Katie and Jake that I'd be back.

We walked out of everyone's view and away from the field before Elijah grabbed my hand and sprinted to the school. I was shocked to see the doors were opened, and Elijah smirked at me before dragging me inside. I laughed as we ran down the empty hallways before he pulled me into the Physics lab.

"You know, I think this is how horror movies start. Don't be surprised if we're killed halfway through," I teased, watching as he walked through and around the tables.

"Well, let's hope the killer has the decency to wait until we're finished," Elijah said.

He turned to look at me as I pulled myself up to sit on one of the tables, his eyebrows raised. Slowly, he walked towards me and grazed his fingers along the tables. The room was dark; the only light shining through was the sun's rays between the blinds. He finally made it over to me and placed his hands on the table on either side of me. He brought his face close to mine and smiled, and before I could kiss him he swiftly dipped his head down to place his lips on my neck. Instinctively, my fingers found their way into his hair, softly gripping the strands. His hands slowly massaged my thighs as his tongue licked and sucked my skin, his teeth marking me with little love bites.

He groaned softly when I tugged on his hair and pulled back to look at me. Before I could do anything he tugged on my legs and pulled me off the table, catching me as my feet hit the ground. His left hand gripped the nape of my neck as he kissed me, his tongue tasting like Coca Cola and popcorn. I subconsciously remembered that Adam was eating popcorn; he must've shared with Elijah. He walked forward until I was pressed up against one of the walls, his other hand fumbling with the button and zipper of my jeans shorts. I let him do as he pleased as our lips collided over and over again. He succeeded in undoing my shorts, and our kiss broke as he slipped his hand into my panties, his cold fingers pressing firmly against me. _Oh…_

"Christ," I gasped as he moved his fingers against me. His breath hit my cheek as he watched me whither in front of him, enjoying the effect he has on me. He slipped a finger inside me and I let out a moan, feeling his palm on my bundle of nerves. His fingers moved faster with every breath I took, and my hands flung out to grip his shirt, clenching it in my hands and tugging on it as I rode his hand.

I let my hands wander until I hit the button of his jeans, popped it open and pulled the zipper down. Before he could slip out of them I shakily reached behind him and into his back pocket, pulling his wallet out. I slammed my hand against the wall and cried out when he added more pressure to the place between my legs, my breathing hard. He suddenly stopped and pressed his body to mine as he kissed me, my fingers blindly reaching inside his wallet to pull out a condom.

"Are there camera's in here?" Elijah asked against my mouth.

I knew there wasn't, but as I pulled away from his lips to grin at him with mischief, I said, "You've always wanted to make a porno."

"Fuck, that's hot," he groaned before pressing his lips to mine heatedly.

I quickly reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head before ripping mine off of my body. I reached out to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me, our tongues tangled in a dance as he pushed my jeans and panties off my hips and to the floor. I stepped out of them and felt my excitement grow as he pulled his pants and boxers down, leaving him completely nude and me with my bra still on. He quickly discarded that as well.

Elijah kicked all of our shed clothes behind him, and I squealed when he turned and picked me up in his arms before placing me on the floor, on top of our clothes. He knelt down and began to place kisses along my body, starting from my stomach and up to my chest. His hands slid up my arms and interlaced his fingers with mine, and I arched into him as I felt his hardened member against my thigh. I placed the corner of the condom package to my teeth and tore it open, handing it to Elijah. I watched as he slipped it on and settled himself between my legs, his tip entering me before slowly exiting. He watched my face as he repeated the act several times, his lips curling in satisfaction as I whined and withered beneath him.

"Please Elijah," I begged.

"What was that?" He asked as he leaned closer to me and cupped his hand over his ear.

I narrowed my eyes at him and, instead of responding, flipped us over so I was straddling him. He stared up at me with longing and I only smiled as I lifted myself up and let myself slide onto him, a low groan escaping his lips. His hands gripped my hips as I began to ride him slowly, taking in the bliss this new position gave me. I have never been on top yet, and by the look on Elijah's face he was enjoying it as much as I was. I moved over him and leaned down to press my lips to him, feeling his hands slide down to grip my ass.

My movements slowed as I kissed him, and he took matters into his own hands as he began to thrust his hips up and into me. He moved faster than I had, and for a moment I had wondered how he had the strength to do so, but my thought was cut short as a sharp cry ripped through my throat. I gripped his shoulders as I dug my head into his neck, his hands held my bottom in a bruising grip as he fucked me.

"Oh my God," I moaned, my eyes squeezing shut as I let out a blissful cry.

Elijah groaned into my ear, his breathing heavy. "Holy shit," he muttered.

He slowed his movements and rolled his hips into mine a few times, slowly and sensually. I lifted my head to look at him, our noses brushing as my fingers traced the curves of his face. I kissed him passionately, my mind fogged up with only thoughts of the boy lying beneath me. He started up again and thrust his hips harshly into mine, his arms holding me tightly. Our lips broke, but I stayed where I was and stared into his eyes as he thrust in and out of me. I leaned forward to take his bottom lip into my mouth, feeling my body tense as he let out a small moan, his eyes locked on mine. I let his lip go and cried his name, watching him close his eyes in ecstasy. He breathed my name, and I felt a burning inside of me that was about to explode. His pace increased and I could feel his body tense as we came to our release simultaneously. My body shook above his as his movements stilled, our eyes locked as we relished in our bliss.

I collapsed against him, feeling his hand rest against the back of my head. We lay for a few minutes, our body's slick with sweat as we tried to regain our breathing.

"There's no camera's, right?" Elijah repeated his question from earlier. His voice was soft as he caressed my back with his fingers.

I lifted my head to smile at him, "No."

He grinned and we laughed softly. "Good. I'd like this to stay a personal memory."

I leaned down to press my lips to his, feeling his hands as they cupped the sides of my face. I pulled back and grinned at him, "I have a surprise for you."

"Oh really?" He asked.

I nodded and leaned over to dig in my bag. I pulled out two tickets and flashed them in his face. His eyes widened and his grin broadened like a little boy on Christmas day. He snatched them from my hands to examine them. I smiled and placed my chin on his chest, "I was going to give them to you last week, but I forgot about them because of everything that happened with your dad."

"You got me tickets to _Fun._?" He asked, eyes darting up to mine.

I shook my head, "I got you _a_ ticket. The other one is mine."

Elijah grinned at me with mirth in his eyes and placed the tickets to the side. He wrapped his arms around my waist and flipped us around so he hovered above me. "You're so fucking amazing and I'm going to repay you by fucking you so hard you won't even remember your name."

"Promise?"

Elijah grinned and sealed the deal with a kiss.

By the time we had gotten dressed and made sure the room was clear of any indication that we had been in there, we made our way back to the football game. As we took our seats again, I noticed Adam had moved to sit next to Katie and Jake. Elijah and I sat on the other side of Adam and watched the last bit of the game.

This time, when Elijah placed his hand on my thigh, I placed my hand over his and held his fingers, my lips curling up into a grin I couldn't suppress.

Life was good.


	9. bands & fans

**A/N**: Hi guys! This is chapter nine, and this is basically your average, everyday, super awesome filler chapter, if we're going to be completely honest. I hate the way it all turned out but my partner in crime seems to think this chapter is good? Oh well, tell me what you guys think in the reviews because I love you and you love me and shit like that. Okay, see you all in the future xoxo gossip becca

**Rating**: the smallest bit of smut for your dirty little minds.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Degrassi or the song lyric from Moving To New York but I do own the song I wrote yeah I wrote a song!

**Summary**: _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

"Jesus, Elijah, this shit is terrible!"

"It's not _that _bad, Clare."

"It's awful!"

Wait.

Hold up a second.

Let me back up.

I'm getting _way_ ahead of myself and you're going to be confused and that's not the proper way to tell a story. It all started on a Wednesday. Nah, actually I think it was a Monday but those details are completely unimportant. What's really important is the fact that Adam Torres is a total idiot and Jake Martin… God, I don't know what to say about him. Adam was in it for the girls, Jake was in it for the money, and I was in it out of pity.

It started on a Monday, I'm sure of it now. Clare and I were by our lockers. We were giving each other that stare we often gave each other that said something along the lines of: _I'm actually picturing you naked right now._ Some people called it gazing, or bedroom eyes, but honestly I just thought it was me looking at her and her looking back at me. I didn't know why people had to put a name on the way I looked at her. Anyway, she had told me before that she wasn't able to come to Halcyon later because her mother was dragging her out shopping and that she'd rather die than go shopping with her mother. And then I said something like:

"But then you'll run out of clothes to wear and I might have to see you wear the same cardigan you wore three weeks ago."

She didn't even have enough time for a witty comeback, because Adam came sprinting down the hallway towards the two of us. It looked as if he had almost been running for the past ten minutes to get to me, and he was waving a piece of paper in his hands barbarically. When he finally reached Clare and I, he placed his hands on his knees, bending over to catch his breath. I shot a look at Clare and fought a laugh. Clare shrugged.

"You better text me later, mister." She said as she strode away. But before she was gone, she placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned close to my ear. "Maybe if you do I'll send you some cute pictures from the dressing room." A giggle fell from her lips as she walked off. Adam finally gained his composure before I could take the time to imagine said pictures.

"Dude." He waved the paper in front of my eyes so that I couldn't snatch it from his hands. "Battle of the bands is this Saturday! Battle of the fucking bands!"

I snorted. "You and what band, man?"

"I dunno!" Adam shouted throughout the hallway. "If only _SOMEONE_ WOULD JOIN MY BAND!" He continued to yell as if someone would appear out of nowhere and beg to be a part of _WhisperHug –_a name Adam had come up with. I didn't get it.

"Quit yelling, you're attracting bears." I growled, my fake frown turning into a grin when Adam rolled up the paper and smacked me with it. "I don't know why you're telling me about your dumb battle of the bands. Why not go tell Imogen or something?"

"One, Imogen hasn't talked to me since that goddamn football incident, thanks for that, by the way." Adam snarled. "And two, I'm telling you about it because you're going to be in the band."

I shut my locker and shot Adam a confused glance. "Never signed up. I never even auditioned. Hell, I can't even play an instrument, Adam."

"I've heard you sing in the shower those few times you stayed over because of your parents. I mean, you're kind of good. A little better than mediocre." Adam shrugged his shoulders "Either way, Jake's in, so you have to be. I may even be able to string Dallas or Drew into this if I try hard enough. Anyway, fuck it man. With me on bass, you on vocals, and Jake on… Jake on…" Adam shrugged for a second time. "I dunno, but who fucking cares, right? We're gonna be fucking fantastic! WhisperHug is going to kill battle of the bands!"

I groaned loudly when I heard Jake's name. Of course Adam could get Jake into this thing. He probably said something like: _Jake you'll get super rich then you can take Katie out to dinner at that really expensive restaurant at the mall_ and Jake was hooked. Fucking Jake. "First off, if I'm really going to be in this fucking bad idea waiting to happen, we're not calling it WhisperHug. Like where the hell did you come up with that, anyway?" I barked, and Adam looked around awkwardly avoiding any eye contact with me.

"Look, we can change the names whenever we want. But if we get my brother on drums and Jake on guitar, we could be really killer."

"I _don't_ want to do this." I protested.

"I know, I know."

"But –"

Adam threw his hands into the air. "FUCK YES. THANK YOU." He yelled. Adam threw his arms around me into a hug and I could just imagine the cheesy grin on his face. Oh God, if only I knew what I had fucking gotten myself into.

…

That following Thursday – since it was my only day off – was our only rehearsal before the big show on Saturday. I'd sent an email to Dean letting him know that I needed the night off, and he was cool with it. And while Adam may have been totally pumped for the fucking thing, I wasn't. In fact, I was dreading it. I never really considered myself a singer or vocalist or whatever I wanted to call it. My shower head was not a microphone. Clare had never said anything about my singing voice when I would quietly murmur the lyrics to one of her favourite songs, so that must have said something about my voice. In fact, I think maybe she had told me to shut up once or twice.

I had asked for Owen – he's on the football team, and to be honest I don't even know why he showed up to practice, he's not even in the band – to take a video recording of us playing _Moving to New York_ so that I could show Clare later on, but maybe that wasn't exactly the best decision I had ever made.

The first two or three times we played the damn song, it wasn't too bad. Jake was pretty shitty at the guitar, but Adam made up for it with how he was on the bass. And man, Drew _was_ pretty killer on the drums, I had to admit. For a few minutes, I actually thought that this whole 'band' idea wasn't _that_ bad. Maybe we wouldn't win battle of the bands and take home the thousand dollar prize, but we could sure come in second or third.

It took us nearly half of the practice to figure out a new band name. Adam was apparently _shocked_ that he was the only one into Whisper Hug. By the end of practice, we had figured up a method of picking a new name. It was Owen's idea, so maybe it wasn't _totally_ pointless that he had shown up. All of us wrote down two words on two pieces of paper and stuck them into Owen's baseball hat and then pulled them out. It took us like four or five times to pick a good one. Mostly because _Catfish Armpits_ and _Magenta Pharmacy_ don't exactly sound like good names for a band. Finally we decided on Chemical Feedback. I don't really know how it happened, but it was whatever. Chemical Feedback. I actually thought the name was good for a while.

That was, until I told Clare.

…

"Jesus, Elijah, this shit is terrible!"

"It's not _that_ bad, Clare."

"It's awful!"

Ah, here we are.

"What's so bad about it?" I asked, shoving my hands into my pockets. Clare held my cell phone up to her ear again to hear it.

"First off, the vocals are _horrific_. The drumbeat isn't matching the guitar, which is also pretty miserable, and last but not least it sounds like someone is _dying_." Clare placed my phone down on the counter, clearly disgusted. "I can't believe you joined this band. You cannot perform at battle of the bands tomorrow night."

I muttered something inaudible under my breath and turned away from her. I didn't know whether or not to tell her that I was the one with the _horrific vocals_ or not. For some reason I doubted that she would care, but whatever. Typical Clare to be the one to love music and hate the band I'm in. Typical Clare Edwards.

"Who's singing anyway? It's Jake, right?"

I shook my head.

"Adam?"

"Nope." I spat.

I turned around to look at her, and I noticed her face starting to turn red. "…Drew?" She asked hesitatingly.

"It's me, Clare." I said sadly. "I'm the one singing."

Clare sighed softly and reached out towards me. I backed up before her hand could touch my skin. "I didn't mean to insult your singing." I raised an eyebrow. "It just sounds bad on your phone, I'm sure. I just…"

"Clare if you hate the band, I'm not going to be in it." I told her. "I just thought…"

Clare tilted her head to the side. Like a puppy dog; she looked adorable. "Thought what?"

"I dunno. That I could write you a cute song or something." I twiddled my thumbs slightly underneath the counter, and Clare's eyes lit up. "And then I could get Adam to help me write chords for it or something. I didn't even want to be in the band but then I thought about you. But you hate the band so there's really no point."

"You can write me a song without being in a band, you know."

I nodded. I propped my elbows up on the counter and placed my head in my palms. "How am I going to tell Adam I can't be in his band?" I asked and Clare smiled, mimicking the way I was standing towards the counter. She brought her face close to mine, rubbing our noses together slightly.

"Just tell him that Clare Edwards does not give her blessing."

…

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLARE EDWARDS DOES NOT GIVE HER BLESSING!?" Adam shouted.

It was the day of battle of the bands. No, it was mere hours before battle of the bands. Adam was loading his bass and the portable black speakers onto Jake's red truck along with the guitar he had loaned Jake. I shoved my hands into my pockets and shrugged my shoulders casually.

"She said it was a bad idea. I trust her judgment, that's all."

"God you're so fucking whipped!" Adam bellowed, throwing his hands into the air. I really didn't anticipate the idea of him being t_hat_ upset. I figured, maybe he'd be royally ticked off for a few minutes, I'd go buy him pizza, and he'd get over it. But that wasn't the case. He was steaming. His cheeks were bright red and his fists were clenched. He looked as if he was a can of soda pop that had just been shaken up and was about to explode. Like a tornado tearing down a city in its path. I was in its path. "Not in a good way either, asshole! You do everything that little princess tells you to do I don't fucking get it. I needed you for this, man, and you're letting me down. What the hell?"

"She said it was a bad idea!" I argued.

"So what if it's a _bad idea_!? It was for fun! For fucking fun! For fun and to get chicks and so that we could think we were a little bit cooler, and change our jobs on FaceRange to _bassist at Chemical Feedback_. You're such a fucking dick sometimes, you know? You're lucky I put up with you. You're fucking lucky any of us put up with you." Adam spat at my feet, and closed up the tailgate of the truck. "Let's hope I can find someone else to sing the goddamn song before eight o'clock. If anyone even knows it because _you're_ the one who picked it."

"Adam, wait." I reached for his arm, but he snapped out of my grasp.

"I don't want to hear it. Go fuck your little girlfriend, idiot."

I thought about calling after him or apologizing or offering to still sing but I didn't see the point. There really was no _real point._ Adam would get over it by the morning and he'd apologize for all of the shit he said. Whenever we got into fights he'd always say he was sorry, and then I would say I was sorry – and then we would go play some Call of Duty. But he'd never said shit about Clare before. He'd never even technically called Clare my 'girlfriend' before either. Adam hopped shotgun into the truck and drove away with Jake driving.

My phone buzzed in my pocket momentarily and while I was expecting it to be Adam calling me to lecture me further, it was a bit of a pleasant surprise. _When you're done with letting down your friends you should come over. Nobody's home and I still haven't listened to my Arctic Monkey's vinyl._

And though my heart told me to go after Adam, to go and apologize and reunite with the shittiest band in Toronto, I gave into what my head wanted:

Clare Edwards.

…

There are these framed photographs on her desk; ones that I've never even noticed before. There were pictures of her when she was little with long hair pulled back into a pony tail, and some in two braids. She had glasses. Clare looked like a completely different person in these. She smiled a lot more, too, I noticed. Her dimples were showing and her eyes were alive with light. They weren't dim and scheming as they usually might be. Not that I was against the way her eyes were now, her eyes were beautiful always. I really only glanced at most of them, but constantly I could find similarities in each of them. The hair. The smile. The little cross necklace around her neck.

"Do you believe in God?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess." Clare shrugs. She flipped through a page in her textbook and let out a brief sigh. "I did more when I was younger, but as I got older it kind of got boring; religion and stuff. Plus my parents' jobs became a more frequent event and church wasn't as ideal. So it all kind of stopped. It's whatever though; I turned out okay, didn't I?" She smiled brightly at me before looking back down at her book. It was a world history textbook, I noticed. She was doing homework. "What about you?"

I never realized that she and I had never covered the whole religion topic before. She and I talked about everything, but never once had I asked what she was. For some reason I just never noticed Jesus' light shining in Clare and I always thought it was pretty obvious I didn't, so we never brought it up. "Not really. It's kind of pointless."

"So you don't believe in anything? No God, no devil. No any of that?"

"Nah. Besides, there's no point in me believing in God now. I'm in too deep with all the bad shit I do. The guy would never forgive me."

Clare looked up from her notes and smiled. "Yeah. Me too." She quickly went back to her studies and I wasn't sure why. It was a Saturday night, and she had her nose in that book like it was me or something. I let out a loud groan and collapsed onto the bed beside her. She looked over her shoulder at me, my head stuffed into the pillows. "What?"

"Maybe I should go to Battle of the Bands." I grumbled.

I heard the sound of Clare's textbook slamming shut, and suddenly felt the bed shift and her warm breath on my face. When I opened my eyes again, there she was. Smiling up a storm and her eyes alive with the light I had seen in those pictures. Maybe she did have the shining eyes and I never noticed it. "The way I see it," Clare began sweetly, "you have two choices. You either go to Battle of the Bands with Adam, or you stay here and we can kiss each other all night."

I pursed my lips and let out a deep breath. "Yeah but if I don't go then Adam's going to be pissed at me for weeks. Hell, maybe even months. And if I don't stay here I miss out on you."

"You see me all the time." Clare said sweetly. "I see you at school every day and I see you at Halcyon. Speaking of that lovely place, why aren't you there now?"

"I got the day off for the band thing." I groaned loudly, and rolled onto my back. I stared at Clare's ceiling, watching as the ceiling fan rotated around and around and around. I finally shut my eyes when I started to get dizzy. "Doing the right thing sounds like shit, right now. Can't I do the wrong thing and stay here with you? It's like, Adam blew up at me in the parking lot as if he was trying to get me to change my mind and go with him. But I don't want to."

"Then don't."

"But then I'm a fucking asshole."

Clare sat up slightly and put her arms on my chest, looking down at me. "You're not a fucking asshole, Elijah. You're just not pleasing everyone. And I mean, you can't please everyone, it's a known fact. So I guess in the end you've just got to do what makes you happy." She sighed and tilted her head to the side. "Are you just going to lie around and feel guilty all night, Elijah?"

"Probably." I mumbled.

"Then forget all of this." Clare threw her hands up into the air, and I watched as she sat up completely. "Let's go. I'll watch you play, and I can judge how you sing and work the crowd. And maybe if you past my test we can go hookup in the janitors closet. Deal, or deal?"

I sat up as well, and furrowed my eyebrows. "Are you sure? I mean, you said the band sucked anyway."

"Yes, I'm sure. You're going to sing and it's going to be fucking fantastic and you'll win battle of the bands."

…

I ended up giving in to her idea, and going to battle of the bands. We got on the back of my motorcycle and we rode to the school, where, surprisingly, there was a line of people waiting to get inside. I had no idea that people actually supported local, growing bands, nor did I exactly care either. I parked my bike around the back, next to Jake's truck in an almost make shift parking spot. There were a couple people outside tuning up guitars, getting ready for their performances – and then there was Chemical Feedback (minus me) looking as if Hell was about to break loose.

"Well, we can't find a new fucking singer." I heard Adam groan, and I watched as he slammed his fist against the concrete wall, and then yelp in pain as he realized how hard it had hit him. "This is shit. I can't believe we trusted Eli."

"Ouch." I said aloud, and eyes turned towards Clare and I standing beside each other. I kind of wished that we had been holding hands or something, but I would settle with the feeling of our shoulders brushing against each other's. "I mean, I know I'm kind of a douche bag but I _am_ trustworthy." I smiled a little, and looked at Clare for a moment, and then back to the band. "Sorry for being a shithead." I said honestly. "I was hoping I could be back in the band –" I cut myself off, and held up a hand. "For tonight, I mean. I can't leave you guys hanging like this."

Adam turned to Drew and Jake, as if he wanted to have some sort of group discussion on whether to let me be back in the band for the night. I mean, I knew that they were going to let me back in. Hell, they were desperate for my return, but it was very Adam like for him to over-dramatize the moment for as long as he could before agreeing to any one situation.

"Yeah," Adam said flatly. "I guess you can be back in. We're gonna do like, one run-through before we go on so let's fucking do that already."

I nodded, and turned to face Clare. "You should go wait in line. I better see you right up against the stage, otherwise I'm going to be pretty pissed." I joked, leaning forward and stealing a peck from Clare's lips. It was odd, how neither of us could say we wanted to date each other, or even develop feelings for each other, but we would kiss each other in public. I didn't know whether I liked that or not.

"Please, Elijah," Clare rolled her eyes. "If I have to push and shove to get to the front, I will. You'd better touch my hand too. Who knows how famous you might get?"

"For someone who has only seen The Jonas Brothers live," I smirked, "You have some high expectations for a concert." I stole one last kiss and took off with the rest of the guys. Drew and Jake seemed happy to see me, while Adam still looked a little bit pissed. Then again, I couldn't really blame him. I told him our band was shit and then ditched him hours before our first gig.

But I came back, so I'm not a total dick, right?

Setting up was easy as hell, mostly because while other bands had specialty drum sets with their names on them, we didn't. Although, we had only formed the fucking band three or four days ago. We didn't have signs, or t-shirts, or anything. We just had our instruments and a song to perform terribly.

Or at least, we all thought it was _a song._

A song would have been easy as hell. Just playing a simple song you learned the day before for a concert would be so mind-blowingly easy. Too easy. I guess I could blame Adam at a time like this, but I won't. He just didn't read the participation sheet correctly, or something. All I know is, one song isn't enough. All I know is, you need a cover – and an original.

"We're going on in twenty minutes and we don't have an original song to play." Adam stated the obvious.

"Maybe we should just give up?" Drew suggested.

"We can't give up! Especially now that we have Eli back." Adam insisted. He ran a hand through his hair nervously as all four of us tried to come up with an idea. "What's an easy tune we could play?"

"I could just improvise it." I offered, shrugging my shoulders. Surely it couldn't be _that_ hard to write up a song on stage. Rappers freestyled all the time, I probably could too. Besides, with all of the emotions I had jumping around in my head for Clare right now, throwing out a love song could be easy. "I mean, Jake could play a G chord the whole time, and Drew can make up some beat – and Adam, it shouldn't be too hard for you to follow along, right?"

Everyone agreed that I would be free styling it on the stage and making a fool out of myself. Perhaps it was punishment for my attempt to leave the band hanging at the last minute, but I really didn't question it. I probably deserved it, anyway. Maybe this moment here could be when I could quietly tell Clare how I feel about her. Well, not quietly – but _subtly_ how I felt about her. About her smile and her laughter and her soft touch. I wanted to write a song about her, and I guess… this would be my chance.

I will never forget how humiliating standing up on that stage was. How we were the third band to perform and when I looked down into the audience I didn't see Clare's shining face staring up at me. Of course, I couldn't be too upset – perhaps people weren't letting her through to see her… well, I wasn't her boyfriend, but I would wish I could be.

"Uh, hi." I stuttered into the microphone. I couldn't tell if I was blushing or not, but my cheeks felt like the warm feeling you get when they get all hot and red. Maybe it was just the stage lights. "I'm Eli Goldsworthy, and we're Chemical Feedback…" The crowd was silent mostly, except for a few cheers from people we knew. I could hear the howls of the football team in the very back, and the girly cry of someone I knew very well. Clare Edwards. I scanned the crowd as best that I could to find her, and grinned excitedly when I had finally located her. She was near the back, standing beside the bathroom doors to the auditorium with her hands cupped around her mouth to cheer for me. She was so cute.

I guess I had been staring awkwardly for more than a couple of beats because Adam had to take his own microphone to snap me out of my gaze. "Our first songs called _Moving to New York_ by the _Wombats _and it goes a little something like this."

So we strummed on the guitar and we pounded on the drums and I tried my best to overdo some form of stage presence by jumping around and singing loudly and touching the crowd's hands. I was lucky that I was popular because I don't know why else girls would want our hands to touch each other's. I grinned, and I ran my hand through my hair and I looked out into the crowd for my eyes to catch with Clare's but she didn't seem to be very focused any longer. Her hips were swaying to the beat constantly, but her eyes were locked with someone else, making conversation with them.

"_Looks like Christmas came early; looks like Christmas came early for me._" I sang into the microphone finishing off the remainder of the song. My heart was pounding in my chest, and it wasn't the adrenaline of the show making me so excited. It was because Clare was grinning and laughing with someone. Well, not just any someone. It was a guy. It was a guy I wasn't exactly the fondest of and I knew that she wasn't aware of that. And I also knew that Clare wasn't my girlfriend so technically I wasn't allowed to be jealous about this. But fuck; I was jealous about it.

Adam strummed the last few chords of his bass and I knew that was my cue to keep talking, but I was focused on Clare. "Thanks guys." Adam said towards the crowd, attempting to get my attention at the same time. I tried to snap out of it to introduce the other song.

"So, uh," I started off, running a hand through my hair. Clare was still talking to him. "We didn't really know we had to sing an original song until like, thirty minutes ago, so…" I laughed softly. "So if this comes out like shit, sorry. This song is for someone really fucking fantastic in my life and… I dunno what I'd do without her." Her interest didn't even flicker to the stage. Or at least it didn't seem like it. "So let's get this bullshit on the road."

A few girls closest to the stage pulled out their cell phones to record this mystery song. I laughed a little, acknowledging them as Adam and Jake strummed the first couple miscellaneous chords and Drew tapped his foot lightly on the pedal eliciting a mild drum beat.

"She looks like an angel / but she talks like the devil / and her smile could kill a room / She's too busy to care about your affairs / but she knows everything that you do / She's a home run, honey don't you know / She could haunt you with the smack of her lips / I've got the taste of her on my tongue / and the feeling of my hands on her hips

She's a beautiful disaster, a fox on the prowl / and she's headed straight for your town / She's so sexy she could drive you crazy / She's better than the feeling of air in your lungs,"

I wasn't sure where I was going with this, but the words seemed to flow freely, and I let them.

"She's a screamer, she's a believer / hell, she's so fucking hot / I'm into the way that she says my name / I'm into the way that she's not / into me

She's a beautiful disaster, a fox on the prowl / and she's headed straight for your town / She's so sexy she could drive you crazy / She's better than the feeling of air in your lungs,"

Clare Edwards wasn't listening. Clare Edwards was too busy talking to the well-dressed guy in the back to even give me the time of day; a side glance. She'd come for my show and it didn't even feel like she gave a shit. Then again, that was kind of how Clare was. I couldn't be pissed though, so I faked a grin and nodded my head at the crowd who clapped for us. We cleaned up our act, and stepped off of the stage to load all of our crap back into Jake's truck.

A few girls approached us behind the building, one of them I recognized to be Imogen from the football game. And coincidentally, she still seemed to be into me even after I was such a dick to her. She repeatedly told me how fantastic the song was and how she recorded it on her cell phone and planned to listen to it when she got home. She asked if she could put it on YouTube and I told her to do whatever the fuck she wanted to do and gave her a hug.

Imogen Moreno is the tightest hugger I've ever met.

So, after all that work, all those pointless decisions and changing my mind constantly, it was all for shit. Hell, I knew it was all for shit to begin with but I couldn't let down my fucking friends. Or maybe it was the tempting idea of hooking up with Clare in the janitor's closet afterwards that made me so into trying again. We lost Battle of the Bands. It's not like I was surprised or anything, though, I mean, we sucked. Adam was pretty bummed out about it, though. He thought we had a good chance apparently, but I didn't see it. We got eighth place – or something like that. It took me a while to find Clare in the crowd after the show, but when I did, she was grinning like an idiot and threw her arms around me.

"That was crazy good!" She congratulated me, wrapping her arms around my neck and smiling up at me. "The song you made up on the spot was _way_ better than the song you planned for, too. It felt really… raw." I cocked my head to the side, intrigued. I didn't even think she was listening.

"I'm glad you liked it."

Clare retracted her arms from around my neck and as they fell back to her sides I missed the feeling. God, I hated how much I had fallen for her. I scratched the back of my neck awkwardly. It had been painfully obvious the song was about her, and while I hadn't exactly mentioned any of my feelings for her or anything, it still felt like she could have pieced it all together. But maybe she had just been blinded by that guy to realize it all.

"Sorry you didn't win," Clare shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. "Those judges are idiots for not picking Chemical Feedback. I mean, you guys will be number one on iTunes in no time." She joked, grinning uncontrollably.

"Guess that means no hooking up in the janitor's closet." I said hopelessly. In a way, I was almost kidding. But the thing with Clare is that you can never joke, because she'll joke right back at you in a way you can't tell if she's being serious or not. Clare touches my arm gently, and rolls her eyes again.

"Elijah Goldsworthy," She says slowly. The way my name rolls off of her tongue makes my stomach hurt. "I said if you passed _my_ test we would. And I'll say you were about a B, B minus." She waves her hand that isn't touching my arm in the air a bit, and then looks over her shoulder. "Meet me in the janitor's closet by Mrs. Dawes' room in ten minutes and maybe I'll give you an eighth place prize that's better than a shitty little trophy."

Ten minutes later, Clare's wearing half of her shirt and her hand is stuffed into my jeans and the room smells fucking horrible but I can't even focus on the smell of cleaning products because Clare Edwards's hands feel like fucking heaven. She has me dangling off the edge and I slam my hand on the cold wall behind her head, her smug grin mocking me.

We have such a fucked up friendship, but I'm addicted to it. I can't say no.

"Elijah," Clare said sweetly. There was no seductiveness that dropped from her lips, which was slightly confusing considering the position we were in at the moment but I didn't question it. Mostly because my eyes were rolling into the back of my head as she moved her hands faster. "Can you sing me that song again? The one you wrote on stage, I mean."

I shoot my eyes open and stare at her in confusion. She hasn't stopped her ministrations but I'm clearly confused as fuck. "Uh, Clare, it's a little hard to concentrate right now do you think – shit…" I groaned, interrupting my own sentence, "Maybe I could sing it later."

"No, I wanna hear it right now." She argued. Her hands squeezed down on my cock and I gritted my teeth harshly to suppress a moan.

"Listen, Clare – fuck…" I breathe heavily, shaking my hair slightly. "I don't even – shit, yeah like that – remember half of the words. I made it up – holy fucking shit – on the spot."

"_Eliiiiijah!_" She teases in a sing song voice. It almost sounds exactly like the first time she ever spoke my name. It's so fucking annoying but at the same time so attractive that I'm worried if I'll even make it to the blowjob portion of this hookup. "I want to hear your cute little voice."

I grunt softly, and swallow. "S-She's a screamer, she's a believer; hell she's so fucking hot – holy, wait, wait, Clare _fuck._" It's nearly impossible to concentrate on this stupid song while Clare's hands move faster and faster on me. And as she begins to bend down onto her knees in front of me, I unknowingly begin to sing faster and faster. "I'm into the way," my words start slurring together in a pathetic sort of way as I crumble under her lips. "thatshesaysmyname. I'm into the way thatshe'snotintome."

I hate the way Clare Edwards makes me feel. I don't want to feel this way, but I'm stumped.


	10. last horrah

**A/N**: I don't know if any of you have noticed but I changed my pen name! I'm no longer Degrassi-love3, I'm _eloquences_ now! Just a heads up! Anyway, here's chapter 10! We worked really hard on this and it is actually one of goldsworthys (Becca) favourite! Please don't kill me. Enjoy! (also this isnt one of her favourites thIS IS HEr FAVOURiTE and this is her saying hi xoxo)

**Rating****: **YES SMUT! But unfortunately the last you might see for a while...? (foreshadowing?)

**Disclaimer****: **Also unfortunately we don't own Degrassi or any of the songs we may say or sing.

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

"Holy fuck is this game ever slow," I grumble as I wait for the video game to load. I huff and let myself fall against Elijah's bed, my head hitting one of his pillows. I let out a shout of appreciation when the game finally loads and I get it started.

Elijah walks back into the room with a bowl of popcorn in one hand and two cans of Coca Cola in the other. He shuts the door behind him and jumps on his bed. I sit up and shift forward, allowing him to sit behind me. He places the bowls and drinks down before getting comfortable, his back resting against the headboard. I hand him his controller before I lean against him, my back to his front and head on his shoulder. His knees are bent and I rest my arms on his thighs and he wraps his around me as we begin the game.

"Why haven't I met your parents yet?" I blurt out of curiosity. Every time I come over to his house his parents are never home.

"I'm afraid that if you meet my dad, you'll beat the shit out of him," Elijah says. I open my mouth to argue, then pause and close it as I nod, accepting the fact that I probably would. Since the incident that happened between Elijah and his dad, I've always had a secret hate for him, although I guess it's not so secret now.

I press my lips in a thin line as we continue the game, my mood turning sour at the thought of his dad hurting him a few weeks ago. I gasp in surprise when Elijah kisses the place behind me ear sweetly.

"Clare, I know it upsets you, but let it go. I have." Elijah looks at me with a pleading look when I turn to face him. I sigh and turn back to face the screen, deciding I'm done with playing for now. I toss my controller aside and watch as he changes it to single player before continuing. I lay against him as he plays, the popcorn bowl in my lap as I eat, occasionally reaching up to feed him some.

"You're very comfortable," I mumble, shoving popcorn into my mouth and nuzzling further into him.

"Thanks, I try," he says and I smile.

"I may sit on you more often." I run my fingers up and down his thighs, from his knees down to his waist and back again.

"You're more than welcome to," he says, his eyes glued to the screen.

I sit for a moment and watch him play. I bite my lip, and I realize it's because I'm nervous. I still haven't told him my news yet, and I'm not sure on how he's going to take it, how he'll handle it. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm not sure on how _I'm_ going to handle it. A part of me doesn't want to tell him; wants to pick up my phone and send a text saying _on second thought, I can't_. But the other part of me want's to try something new, and this would be the best thing. Elijah's my friend; he'll understand, right?

_Right_?

I sigh, and knot my fingers together. If I'm going to make this work, I'm going to have to approach this in a different way. My lips curl into a soft smile when I think of an idea.

I turn my head and lean up, catching Elijah's ear lobe with my teeth. I feel him hit a button on the controller before the TV is quiet, indicating that he had paused the game. I release his lobe and move my lips to just below it, letting my tongue poke out and graze his smooth flesh. I hear his sharp intake of breath, making me grin.

"Don't stop on my account," I say, referring to the game. I wait until he's pressed play before continuing my ministrations. My hands are running along his legs, occasionally circling down onto his inner thighs. My lips continue placing soft kisses along his neck, and I find myself feeling ecstatic when Elijah's Adam's apple bobs. I swiftly turn in his arms and swing my legs around his so I'm straddling him, his legs falling flat as I do so. He looks at me with wide eyes, and I lean in to his ear, "Keep playing, Elijah."

He lets out a breath of air and shakes his head at me, bewildered, and turns his attention back to the game. I sit and watch him for a few moments, taking note of the way his tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrates. I move my hand to the collar of his shirt and pull it to the side, exposing his shoulder. Slowly, I lean forward and press my lips to his warm skin, leaving a delicate kiss. I repeat the process again and again, slowly making my way to his neck, down to his collar bone, and back up again. I slowly trail tender kisses up his neck, to just below his ear, and then the length of his jaw. I listen to his sighs of appreciation as I do so, my insides curling at the sound of his breathing as it changes. He turns his head to try and kiss me, but I grip his chin in my hand and force him to stare at the screen.

"Keep playing the game, Elijah." My voice is strict, and I nip his ear. "Let me do what I want and I promise it'll be worth it." Elijah groans in aggravation, but continues the game anyways. I grin and lick the shell of his ear, "Good boy."

I shift so I have better access to the other side of his neck, watching as he glances at me from the side, realization dawning on him. He returns his attention to the game and smirks. Oh how I wish I could just kiss that damn smirk right off of his lips. Instead, I pull his collar to the side once again and lean down to recreate my actions from just a few moments ago, kissing his shoulder, collar bone and neck. This time, I kiss further down, just below his collar bone. My tongue flicks out to lick his soft flesh before I press my lips to it in a kiss, and then add just the slightest of suction, hearing the small moan that fell from Elijah's lips. Grazing my teeth against the light pinkness of his skin, I nipped him lightly, hearing him gasp.

"Fuck," he mutters, and I look up to see that he had died in the game. I turn to him with an innocent look and shrug my shoulders, earning a playful glare from the boy in front of me. "You did that on purpose."

I grab his controller from his hand and place it to the side before shifting so I'm sitting directly in front of him. I bite my lip and shift forward, rolling my hips into his and shoving my breasts in his face. "What are you going to do with me, Elijah?"

Elijah's jaw drops, and I watch his eyes darken with something that tugs at my insides. The look he's giving me makes me feel wanted.

"Jesus fucking Christ," he mutters. He acts fast; in a matter of seconds I'm pushed onto my back, his hand in my hair and lips pressed to mine. It's heated and fast and our tongues are working like swords, fighting and clashing. His lips are possessive, his hands are greedy, and his body warm. Everything within me yearns for more, and for a second I wonder how that could be, because we're pressed so tightly together already, but I'm already working on getting more. My fingers grip his face, shoulder, and back, my nails leaving marks on his neck as I try to pull him closer. I rush to pull his shirt up, and he eagerly pulls it over his head and throws it to the floor.

"This is why my parents are never here when you are," he breathes, kissing me quickly. "Somehow, we always end up doing this, and well, you're a screamer."

He kisses me again and I laugh against his mouth; a full wholehearted laugh, my hands moving to cup his face as he grins down at me, chuckling softly. His lips find mine once again, and I surrender myself to him and let him remove my own shirt, letting it fall to the floor with his. Before I realize it, my fingers are already working the button and zipper of his jeans. His lips find my neck as he moves to undo my pants, and just as I let my eyes close to relish in the feeling of his kisses, he removes my phone from my pocket.

"You're phone's vibrating," he mutters, his lips never leaving my neck as he hands it to me.

I sigh and dig my fingers into his hair while holding up my phone with my other hand. I open the text and, realizing it was neither one of my parents, bite my lip.

_Can't wait for tomorrow night! ;)_

I close my eyes and quickly decide that if I'm going to go through with tomorrow night, then I can at least have this moment with Elijah right now. I toss my phone to the floor.

"No one important?" Elijah asks, lifting his head to look at me. I shake my head vigorously and bring his lips to mine, my fingers returning to the zipper of his jeans. I push them off his hips as he tugs my jeans down, the both of us a laughing, tangled mess as we try to remove our jeans. Once they are both thrown to the floor to join the other unwanted clothing, he's holding me in his arms again, my mouth attached to his. His tongue moves expertly with mine, and I realize he's taking his time. Taking our time is not good for me right now. I'm burning and I want him. _Now_.

My fingers are quick and tug his boxers down his hips, and I guess that was enough to get the point across, because soon enough Elijah is pulling my panties down my legs. He's gone from my grasp for far too long than I've wanted, and the sound of a drawer opening and closing fills my ears before he returns with a foil packet between his fingers. I grab it from his hand and rush to rip it open with my teeth before reaching down to roll it onto him. Elijah's eyes are wide and he hisses softly when I touch him with my fingertips.

"Eager, are we?" He teases, and I nod quickly before bringing his lips down to mine and wrapping my arms around his neck. He sighs into my mouth, his hands running up and down my sides.

"Please," I whimper, softly thrusting my hips up into his. My subconscious claps with glee as he ready's himself at my entrance, his hot breath hitting my lips. He eases himself into me and starts to move, but I pull him flat against me and hold him, my palms pressed to his back. "Wait, stop. Stay still."

He obliges and stills his movements. After a second he leans back to look at me, his arms moving to circle around my head. I close my eyes, my breathing soft, as I try to carve every detail about this boy in the back of my mind. The way he feels inside me, against me; the touch of his fingertips, the feel of his kiss, the way he looks when his hair brushes the tops of his eyes, the way I feel when he looks at me with desire, the taste of his tongue. I make sure every little thing about him is burned into my mind, because I'm not so sure if I'll ever get to have him like this again.

Elijah's voice wrenches through my thoughts, "What is going on? You're acting weird."

I open my eyes to see him staring at me. I quickly shake my head, "Nothing. I just… nothing, move."

He eyes me for a moment, but when I lean up to kiss him he begins moving. He lets me hold him tightly, his hips moving a lot slower than usual, which I'm thankful for. His lips are soft, his touch gentle. He's moving so sensually inside of me that it makes me arch into him, his arm sweeping behind my back to press me to him. His lips break from mine and he pants against my neck, his hair tickling my jaw. I sigh and close my eyes, my fingers digging into his back.

He moves so he's on his knees, his body hovering over mine as he rests on his forearms which are placed on each side of my head. I open my eyes to look at him and wrap my legs around his waist, locking my ankles. My hands are in his hair as I lean up to kiss him, his hips moving faster than before. I break from our kiss to moan his name against his cheek, my teeth tugging on my bottom lip.

"I love it when you say my name," he mutters. For a moment I think back to the days when he hated it and smile, looking into his shinning eyes.

"Elijah," I sigh slowly, watching his eyes as they dart to my lips. He growls softly in his throat and picks up his pace, his lips catching mine in a deep, possessive kiss. I cry out against his mouth, my breathing harsh and ragged. He's panting and groaning and moaning, a thin layer of sweat already forming on our bodies. He kisses me and kisses me, over and over again. The only times we're not kissing are when we're catching our breath, and the occasional moans of his name that falls from my lips more times than I'd intended.

"Oh, shit," he curses. His fingertips dig into my hips as he pounds into me. I wrap my arms around his neck and close my eyes tightly, my mouth falling open as a sharp cry escapes involuntarily. I let out a breath and move my hips against his, loving the way he's holding me. "Look at me, and let go," he says, his breath hot on my ear.

I open my eyes, and with one last thrust of his hips, he has me shooting to the sky as my climax courses through me, my body shaking against his. He watches me intently as I shakily hold onto him, his mouth dropping open when he falls off the edge as well. I moan and softly rub myself against him as I ride out my orgasm, my body quivering from the aftermath of the intensity I had just endured.

"That was the best orgasm I've ever had," I mutter softly.

"This is the cue for _All I do is Win_ to start playing in the background."

I let out a lazy laugh, too tired to give it my all.

Elijah's head falls to my shoulder, his lips placing a kiss there as well. He removes himself from me far too soon than I would have liked, throwing the condom in the trash, and shifts so he's leaning against the head board. Before I can stop myself I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around him, my head falling to the crook of his neck. Our breathing is uneven, and he holds me tentatively.

"Okay, what's going on? This isn't like you," he says softly.

I sigh into his neck. He pulls the blanket over us and I hold him tighter. "I have something to tell you, and I don't know how you're going to react."

"Whatever it is, you can tell me. You know that." His voice is caring and tender.

I lift my head and kiss his jaw, his cheek, and then his lips. "Don't be mad," I whisper against his mouth.

"Dear God, you're not pregnant are you?" His eyes are wide and mouth agape.

"No!" I rush to say. "No, I'm not pregnant."

He sighs with relief and runs a hand through his hair. He opens his mouth to say something but I quickly cut him off with a kiss. When I pull away, he's quiet. He took the hint.

"I–" I pause, watching his curious eyes examine my face. I place my face in my hands, unable to look at him when I tell him. I sigh. "I have a date tomorrow."

It was silent for a lot longer than I wanted. I peeked through my fingers to see his expression, dropping my hands when I noticed he was more confused than before. He pushes his eyebrows together, closes his eyes and opens his mouth, before snapping it shut and opening his eyes again.

"You have a date," he says slowly, "and you just let me fuck you."

I sigh exasperatedly and wrap my arms around his neck, "Because I knew it would be the last time if it works out with me and Luke."

That changed his mood, fast. He narrows his eyes at me. "Your date is with Luke Baker?" I didn't miss the venom in his voice. I nod slowly. "Clare, the dudes an asshole. You can't go on a date with him."

This time, I narrow my eyes. "You can't tell me who I can and can't date, Elijah."

He scoffs, "I know him way better than you do. I'm telling you, it's not a good idea."

I unwrap myself from him, but stay seated in his lap. "Let me get this straight. You don't give a shit that I have a date, but when you find out its Luke it's suddenly a bad idea? He's a fucking Christian for God's sake, what's the worst that can happen?"

"Just because he's Christian doesn't mean he isn't an asshole. You should see him when he's not around girls. The dudes a fucking jerk and I don't approve. If you want to go on a date than chose someone else, like Adam or that Cam kid," Elijah suggests.

"Adam likes Imogen and I'm pretty sure Cam would piss me off more than you do. And you don't approve? Guess how many fucks I give? None. I'm going on that date whether you like it or not. I just thought you had a right to know. And just so you know, the only reason I let you fuck me is because I wanted to at least have one last good day with you before we had to go back to being just friends. But by the looks of it we might not even be that." I hope off of him and collect my clothes, quickly pulling them on.

He sighs, "Clare." He climbs out of bed and grabs his boxers, pulling them on as I tug my shirt over my head. "I'm sorry, okay? I just don't think this is a good idea. I'm not trying to stop you from going on a date; I'm just saying that Luke is probably the worst possible choice. You deserve better."

I shake my head and turn to face him, "Maybe I do, and maybe I don't. But I won't know until I go on the date, Elijah." He says nothing and I turn to collect my bag. I sling it over my shoulder and turn to look at him again. "You know, Luke's the first guy to even look in my direction since grade nine, besides you, and you and I are just fuck buddies. So I'm sorry for wanting to at least try and have a normal relationship. I just wish I'd get to have you as a friend if anything went wrong."

Elijah steps forward, "I'm your best friend, Clare. Of course I'd be there for you. I just don't want you getting hurt."

I sigh, "Well, I've got to walk before I can run. I want to go on a date with Luke. I've never been on a date, and who knows, maybe it'll be nice. But I want to find out for myself, okay?"

Elijah presses his lips into a thin line. "Fine. But promise me one thing." I give a nod and he continues, "Don't let him kiss you." I give him a look and he steps forward. "I mean it, Clare. If things go well and he really does like you, then he can wait. Don't let him kiss you."

I close my eyes and groan in annoyance. "Fine."

…

My date with Luke was everything I'd ever expected. He took me to a nice restaurant, and we ate and talked for hours. I'll admit he liked to talk about hockey more than I would have liked, but he was great company. He's funny and cute and really sweet. I don't understand why Elijah thought he was such an ass. He seems like a perfect gentleman to me.

I had him take me to Katie's at the end of the night; I wasn't ready to let him know where I live and Katie wanted me to tell her every detail after it happened, anyways.

As we stand outside, he grins at me with soft eyes. I know this is when the awkward first comes, and for a moment I was excited that I'd be able to have one of those cliché TV moments, but I remembered my promise to Elijah which had deflated all of those hopes. But he was right. If Luke was really interested in me, he'd wait.

"I had a really nice time," I say, because that's what you're supposed to say at the end of a date, right?

He smiles, "Me too."

It's that awkward way-too-obvious moment where the boy leans slowly into the girl and the girl leans up on her toes to end the night with a kiss. But because of my stupid promise to Elijah, I find myself shifting so I kiss his cheek. He's shocked and a bit confused when I pull back, but I play it cool.

I smile. "If my parents see us out here my dad will probably shoot you," I lie softly, feigning a laugh. He smiles and nods. "I'll see you at school?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "We should do this again soon."

_See, Elijah? He's perfectly fine._

I grin, "I'd like that. Goodnight, Luke."

"Goodnight, Clare."

I turn and walk in Katie's front door, shutting it softly behind me. I turn to watch him walk away through the window, quickly pulling out my phone, dialing a number and pressing it to my ear.

"What did the fucker do?"

"We should've made this more interesting, Elijah. You were so wrong about Luke."


	11. steaks & mistakes

**A/N**: Hey everyone! It's becca I really like this chapter because awkward and buildup and omg! I know there are 46 of you and you all should leave us some reviews because we really appreciate it and we love to hear all of your theories/thoughts on each chapter. I love you guys and keep being you. :*

**Rating**: No smut poor you!

**Disclaimer**: Don't own Degrassi but I own a new cell phone case.

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

Yelling and screaming helped, to be honest. Kicking that stupid wooden desk chair and throwing books off the shelf was actually so helpful that I wondered why I never did it in the past. I was pissed. No, pissed isn't a big enough word to describe how upset I was. Enraged. Fuming. Furious. There; those words do the trick. I threw my cell phone across the room, hearing it crack as it hit the wall.

I didn't fucking care.

I pushed chairs over, I ripped posters down, I threw books off the bookshelf and pulled at my hair in agony. I'd lost her. I'd lost her to a fucking jock, of all people. A lying, asshole, jerk of a jock. Clare didn't know him like I did. She only saw the parts of him that he wanted her to see. The one that holds open doors and tells her that she's pretty all the time. Why didn't I do that?

Oh yeah, because I wasn't allowed to get feelings for her.

Regret was filling my lungs like cigarette smoke. I'd gotten myself into this, and it was painful. I kept repeating what she had said and the way she had acted after we had last had sex over and over in the back of my head, hoping that it might make me feel better, when in fact it made me feel like utter shit. The way she held onto me and kissed me and how she ran her fingers through my hair. It had been a day and I missed her so much. Her curls, her smile, the smell of apple pies. I missed Clare Edwards. I cared too much for Clare Edwards.

_You know, Luke's the first guy to even look in my direction since grade nine, besides you, and you and I are just fuck buddies._

I think that was what had hurt me the most. The way she spat out her words and how all I was to her was a fuck buddy. And a best friend. I knew deep down that that was all I was to her, but I always hoped I was something more. There wasn't, though, and I should have known that. Hell, I should have expected that. Because when am I anything more than a friend to anyone? Except Imogen, but fuck, I'd rather kill myself than hold a conversation with the girl. But I _did _look in her direction, even though we are – or, should I say, _were _in the friends with benefits territory. I viewed her as beautiful. I wanted her. And not in the I want to fuck her kind of way. In the, I want to make you mine kind of way.

_I've never been on a date. _Maybe if the circumstances were different, I could have been the first guy to ever pull up to her house with a motorcycle and make her ride behind me. I could have been the one to take her out to dinner and a movie and give her a quick kiss on the cheek and honor what I had said. I hoped to God she hadn't kissed him. Or that he hadn't kissed her on her doorstep. I meant what I had said to her that if things went well that he could wait to kiss her. I waited to kiss her, didn't I? Hell, I didn't even initiate it.

"What the fucks going on up here?" Bullfrog shouted as the door to my bedroom swung open and he stood, wide eyed and enraged in my doorway. "It sounds like you're fucking someone up here!" His eyes laid upon my destroyed bedroom, and all of the misplaced items, and his face went red. "What the fuck!?"

I shakily ran my fingers through my hair, my breathing erratic and heavy with every short breath that I took in. Bullfrog stepped into my room, slamming the door behind him and raising his hands into the air for an explanation that I couldn't give him. I couldn't tell him about Clare. I couldn't tell him about anything.

"Do you want to tell me why you're fucking with all of your shit? I spent goddamn money on all of this and you're throwing it around like it's nothing!" I was lucky he hadn't taken any notice of my shattered cell phone beside my bed. "What's going on!?"

"Nothing, Dad… I… I…"

"Stop stuttering like a fucking idiot and tell me what the fuck is going on!"

I placed a hand on my desk, noticing that my arm was shaking as it supported my leaning weight. I didn't know how to answer him, nor did I want to. But I swallowed hard and shook my head.

"I'll clean it up, I promise." I whispered.

"Fucking tell me, Elijah Goldsworthy!"

I scowled at the way he said my name. My parents hardly used my full name, except CeCe on occasion, which, was okay in my mind. But when Bullfrog used it, it nearly enraged me. Especially now that Elijah was what Clare would call me. And hearing my father use the words she would, pushed me over the edge. I clenched my fist.

"Fuck off dad! I don't need your bullshit too, okay? You don't even fucking care about me anyway. I'm fed up with no one caring about me the way that I want them to or that they should. I'm fed up with all of this fucking bullshit that won't go away, or change, or transform into how I want it to. I'm fucking done."

And that was when I stopped caring.

…

"Fucking hell, man, you look like shit." Adam leaned over towards me and waved a hand in front of my lazy eyes. I hadn't slept much the night before. "It looks like you haven't eaten or slept in a week. Jesus, what were you doing last night?"

"Nothing." I said lowly. I didn't answer him, mostly because Clare was sitting right in front of me and I couldn't risk it. Do you remember when I once said that I liked Mrs. Dawes class? That statement was no longer true. Along with the statement that Clare Edwards smelled like apple pies. No, now she smelled different. I didn't like it. I wanted her scent back.

"Yeah, sure, I'd believe hat." Adam rolled his eyes, and tapped my gently with his pencil. "Either you were getting plastered last night, or you were having a lot of sex with a really hot girl." Adam pauses, and his eyes glance over to Clare. "I think I know who –"

"Will you shut the fuck up? I told you, I didn't do anything last night. Ask Bullfrog." I gritted my teeth, and watched as Adam raised his hands into the air. I was really hoping Clare wasn't listening, though I knew she would be. I could just tell.

"Uh, that's okay. I'll take your word for it. I'm not going anywhere near your dad."

"Smart move." I grumbled. I glanced behind me at the clock, thankful that there wasn't much more time for me to have to endure in that fucking place. So I gathered together my stuff and placed my head against my desk, waiting for the bell to finally ring and free me from an awkward seating position and a fucking idiot for a best friend. How were we even still friends, anyway? The bell finally rang, and I got out of that hell hole as fast as I possibly could, hoping to spend minimal time at my locker before Clare would arrive and we'd have to engage in awkward conversation.

But I was cursed today. I could hear her shoes and out of the corner of my eyes I could see her scrolling in her combination to her lock. I glanced over, biting down on my bottom lip as our eyes met momentarily.

"Hey." I said quietly, and she nodded. "So… your date went well?" I asked.

"Yeah, really well." A smile crept up onto her face, as if she was thinking about it. God. She used to smile when she thought of me. "We're going on another one tonight, I'm really excited."

I faked a smile. "That's cool." I shut my locker, and stepped closer to her. "Did he kiss you?" I asked. Clare's face twisted up in confusion.

"Not that it's really any of your business, no. I kissed him on the cheek, that's it."

I let out a sigh of relief. If they had shared a kiss I thought I would have gone ballistic. I was long past the idea of not wanting feelings for Clare Edwards anymore. It was evident, and the sheer thought of another boy kissing her sent my head into a frenzy. "We're friends, so, I thought it was my business. It's okay though…" I trailed off. Sensing the awkwardness lingering in the air, I sparked up a new topic. "So are you coming into Halcyon tonight?"

"I don't know," She shuts her locker and her shoulder leans against it, looking at me. "With my date and all, I'll be kind of busy. I mean, I have to make myself look pretty for him." She grins slightly and rolls her eyes.

"You always look –"

"Clare!" A voice cut me off and she turned away. There he was. Hockey team star, jerk face, asshole, Luke Baker. I didn't get what she saw in him. We were completely different. "Hey!" He grins, turning to Clare as both of their eyes seem to sparkle as they look at each other. Did we used to do that? "Katie said she wasn't able to give you a ride home today, so I thought maybe I could, is that okay?"

I wanted to interject and say that I was taking her home, but I knew that was inappropriate. So I just watched.

"That's so sweet of you," Clare blushes. I watch as her mouth curls into a large grin and she leans over towards him. "Should we leave now?"

"Yeah, I need to get home so I can get ready for tonight. I'm really excited for it, Clare."

"Me too." She answers, and then turns to me. "I'll see you around, Elijah."

"Bye Eli." Luke waves his hand at me.

"Luke." I answer, and they're gone.

This whole them-meeting-each-other-at-their-lockers thing went on for days. Eventually it even morphed into him meeting her outside of Dawes' class and carrying her books for her. That was the worst one. Because I could have carried her books, and held her hand and done all of those things. Why did our relationship have to be like this? Why couldn't I have just pinned after her from the start?

By the time it was Friday, I knew I couldn't live like this for much longer. Either I had to win Clare Edwards' heart, or I had to get over her. And both of them were terrifying to me. The sparkle in her eyes when she saw Luke Baker made my stomach hurt. But the worst part was that she had no more time for me. She wanted us to continue being best friends, didn't she? Then why was she dropping me from her life completely? Clare rarely came into Halcyon anymore, and she almost never made contact with me in the hallways. I think the last thing I heard her say was _could I borrow a pencil? _And that was on Tuesday. She sat with the hockey team table, so she could spend more time with Luke, and I missed her. I wondered if this was on purpose or not. Maybe she just wanted to forget about me and all of the times that we shared. Maybe she wanted to pretend I hadn't taken her virginity and that we hadn't acted as if we were in love or something.

But I wasn't in love with her, they were just defined feelings. But they were on the road to love.

…

"You really just need to get over her," Jake told me, fussing with the controllers of his video game remote. "I mean, look at you, you're a wreck all the time now. All because of a girl? Shouldn't he just get over her, Katie?" He was passing the conversation onto her so that he could continue playing the game, I could tell.

"I'm sure Clare would want you to get over her, too." Katie said, resting her legs over Jake's and nuzzling her face into his neck. "She never really talked about you two's relationship, but I know Clare well enough to know that she wouldn't want you to be sad."

"We didn't even have a relationship, Katie. It was just… her and I." I grumbled. "You know you're sworn to secrecy on all of this, right? You may be her best friend but if you even think about uttering a word of this to her I'll go fucking crazy."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Katie stuck her tongue out at me and let out a sigh. "I haven't seen her in like a week. She's always with Luke."

"Me neither." I whispered.

"Why does she sit with those hockey jerks, anyway?" Adam spat. He was mostly jealous that he could never get on the hockey team, but I'm sure he also genuinely hated those assholes too. Besides maybe Owen. "We're way cooler than them."

"Fuck yeah we are." Jake added.

"She sits with them because she's dating Luke," Katie interjected. "Maybe Clare's just being clingy because she hasn't dated anyone since grade nine. And boy was that disastrous."

"What happened?" I asked, putting down my game controller.

"He cheated on her with one of her like, best friends. That's when we met and that's when she stopped talking to like, everyone. She was miserable for months. Never cheat on Clare Edwards, because she will never forgive you." Katie told me. I watched as she swung her legs off of Jake's and stood to her feet. "I'm getting drinks, you guys want anything?"

"Coke." I nodded.

"Sprite." Adam said quickly as the game started to get more difficult.

"I'll have – fuck!" Jake slammed his controller down on the coffee table, and brought his hand to his forehead. "I'll have a water, please, baby."

Katie stifled a laugh, and walked off to the kitchen. As Adam started up another game, Jake quickly turned to me.

"Listen, I wasn't going to any of say this in front of Katie, but there's only one way to get Clare back." He said lowly. I leaned in so I could hear him better, nodding slowly. "You have to make her jealous. You have to show her what she's missing. I mean, how else is she going to remember how much she wants you?"

"So what, like a rebound?" I whispered.

"Kind of. Only until she comes back to you and you can take her back with open arms. It's simple. Just find another girl to mess around with until Clare sees how happy you are and goes right back to you. It's in all the movies, it always works."

"Well, who?"

"Drinks!" Katie chimed, stepping back into Jake's living room and placing a tray full of drinks down on the table.

"Anyone, just take my advice." Jake said as Katie climbed onto his lap.

"What advice?" She tilted her head to the side.

"Nothing." Jake turned to Katie, and a smile curled onto his lips. "You're beautiful, you know?"

So I hatched up a plan as quick as I possibly could. I came up with a recipe that I knew – despite Jake's constant reassuring – would fail inevitably in the end. It was clear that Clare Edwards was hung up on Luke Baker and it wasn't about to end any time soon. I knew that I was in too deep to save myself from the feelings I possessed for her, but I had to try. She saw something in me once, at least, so those feelings couldn't get away that easy. Even if they were pure physical attraction.

I knew that, well, to put it plainly, my intentions were purely from a dick's perspective, and that someone would probably end up being hurt in the end. I searched the halls the next Monday, trying to find someone I could use in this operation, and there seemed to be only one candidate that I could take out on such short notice that would be too consumed in my looks and speech to realize what was actually happening behind her back. I knew Adam would be pissed, I knew _she _would be pissed when it was all over, but I had to. It was for Clare. I never wanted to get this in over my head for a girl, but I was. Goddamn Clare Edwards.

Imogen Moreno was my victim. She was kind of short, wore abnormally frilly clothing and put her hair in obnoxious pig tails. Sometimes she even wore knitting needles in her hair and if she whipped past you too fast she'd smack you with the ends of her knitting needles. Painful, to say the least. When I asked her on a date, I thought she was going to faint or something; because her face turned really pale and she had to fan her face with her hands to cool herself down. I laughed it off, trying to pretend she was cute or something but hell, it was annoying.

I invited her out for dinner at Little Miss Steaks on the following Thursday, letting her also know that since this would be our first date, it would be a little more appropriate if it was a group date, or double date, or whatever. She seemed to be okay with that idea – and also added that then she'd have an excuse to sit on the same side of the booth with me while we ate.

Oh God. I was screwed.

That's when I told Clare.

"Clare." I whispered, poking her back with the lid of my pen. She immediately turned around in her desk, holding a pencil in her hand and a generous smile on her cheeks. I missed seeing her smile when she saw me. "What are you doing Thursday night?"

Clare tapped her pencil on her chin for a moment, as if trying to figure out what her plans were. "I'm probably seeing a movie with Luke or something." I watched as the pink eraser ended up tugging between her teeth. I licked my lips slightly. "Why?"

"I uh, I have a date." I said awkwardly. Clare's eyes lit up with interest.

"Really? Who with?" She inquired. She turned towards my desk fully, placing her elbows down and her chin in her palms. She looked so cute. Fuck. She didn't even seem a slight bit upset about my news; if this didn't work, I'd probably die.

"Imogen." I answered her. Clare's expression changed slightly into confusion.

"I thought you hated Imogen? You always said she was annoying."

I shrugged lightly. "I was probably just judging her from first glance. You know the saying; never judge a book by its cover."

"Yeah but that's about… books…"

That's when Adam turned towards us. "Wait, what the hell?" He intervened. I swallowed hard. I guess at the start of all of this, I hadn't really thought about Adam and his little sort-of crush on Imogen Moreno. At first I had always thought it was just because he was hoping for a good hookup, but in reality, he spoke about her more than he should have. "You're taking Imogen out on a date? I thought –"

"Anyway," I ignored him. "I thought it would be appropriate for our first date to be a group thing. I figured it'd be best to ask you and your…" I tried hard not to choke the word out. "…boyfriend to join us."

"You could have asked Katie and Jake." Adam growled from beside. I shot him a look.

"Yeah well, I wanted to ask Clare."

Adam crossed his arms over his chest. "Eli –"

"Look, Adam, can we talk later?" I snapped. Adam didn't make a witty remark, or hold his hands up in defense. He only turned around in his desk back to his work. He looked upset with me. Why the fuck would he be upset with me?

"Well, I don't see why not." Clare smiled. "I'll let Luke know the details and I'll text you about it."

I frowned. "Why don't you just tell me at Halcyon?" I asked. Clare blinks, almost as if she doesn't want to answer my question. Oh, I get it before she even has to say it. She won't be coming to Halcyon any time soon. Not that I was surprised, her visits were scarce now and days. The last time she showed up, I wasn't even working. She had gone to see Dean, which said a lot. But I never brought it up to her.

"Well, today and tomorrow Luke and his sister and I are going to the homeless shelter to give food to those less fortunate. He's a real believer in taking care of people. Next week we're going to University Village to see Becky's grandmother, and she told me that maybe she can get me a job there!" University Village was an old folk's home that was usually staffed by teenagers desperately seeking money. They were pretty serious about jobs there, and the only reason I never applied was because they drug tested.

I don't remember the last time I did any drugs, but I wasn't going to risk it.

"But you don't need money." I pointed out. A pink blush crept up onto Clare's cheeks.

"Well, Luke works there, so I thought it would be fun for the two of us to work together."

I wanted to barf. I wanted to blow chunks all over my desk. She was seriously going to blow off everything to be with Luke Baker? Get a fucking job to be with Luke Baker? What in the world could be so fucking special about Luke fucking Baker!?

The ringing of the bell pulled me from my thoughts and Clare smiled at me. She told me that she would text me later and that she was sorry she wouldn't be able to drop into Halcyon any time soon to say hello. Yeah, sorry. I was sure she was sorry. Only, I fucking wasn't.

I had to speed out of class to get past Clare and Luke walking each other to their lockers. I hated this. I fucking hated this. Why wasn't I Luke Baker? Why did I have to be the darkly dressed guy that girls only wanted for a hookup? Well, fuck that, Clare Edwards, because I've got a date with a girl that actually wants to be around me. A girl that doesn't just want me for a hookup. And while I may only be using her to get you back, I'll enjoy this while it lasts.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Adam called, chasing after me down the front steps of school. "Imogen? Of all the girls you could have used, you picked Imogen. You know that I want her."

"I didn't think that was real." I shrugged. Adam finally caught onto my arm, dragging me over to the flag pole. "I have to get to work."

"It can wait, asshole, we're talking." Adam spat. I nodded, shoving my hands deep into my pockets.

"Okay, let it out or whatever."

Adam didn't even take a second to breathe, as he started to spit out insults at me. "You know, when Jake said to make her jealous he didn't actually think you were going to do it. He thought you were way less of a dick to do that, but clearly not. You selfish fucking bastard. All you care about is yourself, and getting Clare Edwards. Did it ever dawn on you that maybe Clare _doesn't_ want you? Maybe she just wants to be left the fuck alone."

"You know that's not true..." I said softy. "You've seen the way she looks at me and how she acts around me..."

"We all see what we want to see, Eli. You should have known that. Now you're going to use Imogen Moreno for a dumb as shit plan that won't even work. You stupid fucking dumbass."

"Shut up!" I shouted, putting my hands on his shoulders and shoving him away from me. "You don't know me, or her, or whatever her and I have going on. Imogen will be fine, she'll get over it. This is about Clare and I."

"Yeah, it's always about you and Clare," Adam grumbled. "Remember all of the times you bailed on Jake and I? Remember Battle of the Bands?"

"I came back, didn't I?" I argued.

"Yeah, but Clare fucking told you to!"

I spat at his feet, and rolled my eyes. "Fuck you. If this is what's going to fuck up our friendship, it shows we barely had one at all. Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Whatever, Eli. Or should I say Elijah because that's what your little angel calls you." Adam turned around, slugging his backpack over his shoulder and walked away.

"Adam -" I reached for his arm, and ended up brushing his backpack instead as he walked away. "Fucker!" I shouted after him, but all he did was flip me off from behind.

...

I never thought I could ever go on a date that could be so painfully awkward and embarrassing. Sure, maybe I'd had dreams of a one-on-one date between Clare and I that could be so awkward, but a double date? A double date between the girl I had so many feelings for, an annoying chick, and a dick.

Halfway through I should have tried to strangle myself in the bathroom.

Imogen had a tight grip on my arm in an ill-fitting booth at Little Miss Steaks. For the first eight and a half minutes, I was nervous that Clare and Luke would even show up. They were probably stuck in a washing machine syndrome of snogging in the back of Luke Bakers' moms' minivan right about then. Shit. I was going to be stuck with _her _for dinner, sitting on the same side of the booth. Strangling myself seemed to be the best option.

"Hi! Sorry we're late!" Clare's sweet, melodious voice filled my ears and I let out a sigh of relief as she sat down in the booth directly in front of me. Our knees touched slightly but Clare ignored it. I didn't, though.

"Totally fine!" Imogen chirped. "We ordered drinks while we waited."

There was a glass of Coca-Cola in my hand and I noticed Clare looking sadly at me for what seemed like a split second. She had no reason to be sad – she was here with her fucking _boyfriend. _

Luke clearly felt the awkwardness in the air. He started talking about hockey. I wanted to say something witty like _what the fuck man, your girlfriend hates sports _but I kept my mouth shut for Clare's sake. I didn't want her to think I was jealous or something.

Luke had dressed tastefully. He had a light blue dress shirt on and khaki pants that reminded me a little too much of when Degrassi had once been a hell-hole full of uniforms. That was a weird as hell rule that I was too lazy to pay attention to why it was issued. I, on the other hand, was glad in all black. _Black Keys _t-shirt, leather jacket, black jeans and black sneakers. If this guy was the kind of guy Clare liked, well-dressed with extremely overdone hair, than why had she ever bothered to hang around me? Mess with me? None of it made any sense. My thoughts were interrupted by Imogen's tug on my arm.

"You look so nice tonight." Imogen said. Her voice was low but I was sure Clare had heard her. Let the 'making Clare jealous' begin.

"Thanks." I smiled at her. "You do too."

"So, guys," Luke interrupted. I scowled. "The playoffs are coming up soon. Ice Hounds are number three in the Toronto area, so I'm sure we'll win."

"That's so great, Luke!" Clare said cheerfully. I narrowed my eyes at her. Was she _seriously _into this scumbag? She'd never even interested in sports before. Unless I just hadn't been listening to her. No, no, I always listened to her.

"Yeah! We have a game against Leaside tomorrow, I'm so pumped," he continued, "I get to play left wing, which is my best position. Sometimes Dallas lets me play right but I'm much more proficient at –"

"Baker," I said, aggravated, "contrary to popular belief, not everyone in Canada likes hockey, so could you kindly shut the fuck up."

Clare gasped slightly, appalled at my language. "Elijah!"

"What?" I countered, crossing my arms. "Can't we talk about something we all don't find totally fucking boring?"

"Of course, but can you calm down?" Clare said softly. She almost looked nervous. And for a second, I almost felt bad. But then I took a look at Luke Baker glaring at me and I lost all forms of my compassion.

"Fine." I grumbled and turned my attention to Imogen. She had straightened her hair for the night and I'd be lying if I said she didn't look pretty. Not as beautiful as Clare, but much more attractive without her glasses and pig tails. Seriously. She caught my glance towards her as I just sort of _stared _and she giggled. God, her giggle was annoying. I always thought Clare's laugh could be annoying at times but you've never heard Imogen Moreno giggle.

I tried to pay attention to Imogen, I really did, but it was difficult with Clare and Luke laughing about personal affairs constantly. I heard Luke say something about his grandmother, and how excited he was for the two of them to possibly be working together. I wanted to vomit again.

"My church is having a Sunday picnic this week," Luke said to Clare, but I couldn't help but listen in. "It was Becky's idea, but the entire congregation agreed that this would be fun. We're allowed to bring dates, do you want to come? There's going to be worship music and fried chicken in the park across the street from The Dot."

Clare smiled a little, and before she could utter another word, I butted in:

"Luke, I didn't know you were a bible-humper like your sister." I couldn't stop myself. Clare stared wide eyed at me.

"I haven't heard that one before," Luke said dryly, rolling his eyes. "It's a privilege to have Becky as my sister. She's very close to God and so am I."

I rolled my eyes back at him. "There's no fucking God, Luke."

"Actually, Eli, there is. How else would the earth be created?"

"I don't fucking know." I laughed, picking at a piece of bread in front of me. "It's not like I really give a shit, either. Religion is stupid, you fucking narrow-minded assholes trying to shove your beliefs down other people's throats. I can't believe Clare even wants to go near you, considering you probably recite Proverbs to her every five minutes."

Clare stood to her feet, enraged. "Elijah, may I see you outside?" I smirked, unhinging myself from Imogen's grip and standing to my feet to follow Clare outside the building. Truthfully, I had never seen her so angry before. Hell, I don't think I had seen her angry ever except for when I had originally told her that I thought that her dating Luke would be a shitty idea. Then again, I wasn't exactly wrong, no matter how much she seemed to like him. When we turned around the corner of the restaurant, heading towards the exit, she grabbed onto my arm and dragged me out as fast as she could.

It was chilly outside, the cold November night air being a factor. I felt a little bad for Clare who was shivering in a dress while she started to bark at me. If the moment hadn't been what it was, I would have offered her my coat. She looked so nice in leather, too.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Elijah? Why are you acting like this?" She yelled. She waved her arms around a lot, too, like she was trying to get the point across and the only way to do it was with hand motions. "You're acting like some jealous ex-boyfriend who can't stand to see me happy. Don't you _want _me to be happy?"

"Of course I do." I grumbled, shoving my hands deep into my jacket pockets. She was wailing and going on and on about how immature I was acting and for a moment, I wondered how she ever put up with me. She knew I was always a jerk in some ways.

"You're jealous." She points out. Of course I'm jealous, but I counter.

"Jealous?" I laugh, "Of what?"

"You're jealous that I'm happy with Luke and that you don't get to kiss me anymore." Clare crosses her arms over her chest. One because she's angry, two to make her look more mature, and three because it's fucking freezing outside.

I snort. "Yeah fucking right." I sneer. "That's bullshit, Clare. There's no reason I should be jealous. You're blowing this all _way _out of proportion."

"_I'm_ blowing it out of proportion?" She seemed to have snapped, raising her voice a few octaves higher. "You're fucking kidding me, right? Have you not been listening to yourself? You're bashing my boyfriend _and _my relationship. You're such a fucking bastard!"

I can't help myself anymore. All of this anger and rage coming from her is not only in a way attractive, but completely annoying. There's only one way to shut her up, and I know, and I wonder if she knows it. I doubt she would have ever seen it coming but I'm the kind of guy that would pull a stunt like this. Especially with the feelings I held so dearly for her.

I threw all caution to the wind.

I stepped closer, quickly.

I grabbed her face close in my hands and I kissed her.


	12. kissing crimes

**A/N**: So this chapter literally hurt to write but it had to be done. Nonetheless, I hope you enjoy. P.s. it's okay to cry 'cause we did.

**Rating**: Still no smut ha ha ha

**Disclaimer**: We don't own Degrassi but we own your mom ha HA *high fives each other* *all i do is win plays in the background*

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

There it is. That Coca Cola kiss that I had been craving for the past week. The light stroke of his tongue makes the taste more prominent, igniting a small whimper from me. I wasn't sure when I had begun to respond to the rhythm of his lips, or when exactly I had let him press me up against the brick wall, but either way I didn't stop him. I didn't push him away, I didn't slap him because he was acting like a jerk, I didn't turn away and run back inside to Luke; I didn't do everything that I should have done.

Instead, I brought my hands up to touch his cheeks, my fingers trailing across his jaw line and neck and into his hair. I let him hold me and kiss me as he pleased. I let myself melt into his kiss because for a moment I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to forget the fact that we were both currently on a date right now; a double-date. I wanted to forget the fact that we had come with someone that wasn't each other. I wanted to forget that we had even stopped our little no-strings-attached relationship, or whatever the fuck it was, because in this moment it was me and him.

But then reality kicked in. My subconscious was scowling at me and waving a disappointing finger my way. I realized what we were doing was wrong and something I would normally never do, and brought my hands to his chest. I shoved him back, our lips separating with a light smacking sound. My breathing was uneven and his eyes were dark, his lips parted as he breathed heavily.

I reached up to shove him again, watching him stumble back, my anger and confusion getting the best of me. "What the fuck was that?"

"Don't pull this shit, Clare. You kissed me back." He was right, but I didn't want to let him have the satisfaction of it.

"God, you're so aggravating. Everything was perfectly fine, why couldn't you have just left it alone?" I was pacing in front of him, my right hand on my hip and my left tangled in my hair.

"Because Luke is a pig and–"

"And what are you?" I whip around to face him, his mouth immediately snapping shut. "God, you just kissed me during a _double date_. What about Imogen? Do you even like her? Because last time I checked you thought she was the most annoying person you had ever met. You're so fucking confusing."

He narrows his eyes, "I'm confusing? You're the one that fucked me before your first date with Luke fuck-pants McAsshole. You couldn't keep your hands off me one minute, and then the next you're all up on Luke because he's sweet and a Christian and you wanted a real relationship." His mocking tone made me grind my teeth. "Did you ever think that maybe he can't give you what you want, what you need?"

I scoff, "Oh, and you can?"

"No," his answer was quick, making me raise my eyebrows. "I'm just looking out for you. You're my best friend. But ever since you got together with that asshole you don't seem to want to be around me, or when I finally get you to myself he swoops in like some cliché Disney prince and drags you away to hang with his friends. And while we're on that subject, you hate popularity, so why don't you stop trying to be someone you're not and actually fight for what you want."

"I don't know what I want." My voice is high pitched with exasperation. "Jeez, you think you know everything don't you? We agreed on no strings attached when we started our little… whatever you want to call it, but now when I call it off because I actually have a shot at being happy with someone you make it seem like I stabbed you in the back."

"I know what we agreed on, but I think we both know that no-strings-attached never works." He's tense, his eyes dark with aggravation. He's angrier than he's making it out to be, and trying not to snap at me. "I think our little arrangement is what made us so close, and the fact that we stopped is tearing us apart."

I roll my eyes, "You're crazy."

I hit a nerve.

"I'm not crazy," he yells, taking a step towards me. "I'm bipolar."

My eyes shoot up to his, my lips parting with a small gasp. I search his face for any indication that he's joking, but he's as serious as ever. He's waiting for my response, but what am I supposed to say to that? I inhale sharply, letting my hands fall to my sides.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I whisper into the cool night air.

He shrugs, his face impassive. "It never came up."

I sigh sadly and look at my shoes, "Can we talk about this later? I'll come over tomorrow or something and we can talk through everything, okay?"

"I don't want your pity, Clare."

"It's not pity, I just–" I take a deep breath. "Let's talk about this later, okay Eli?" I turn to make my way back into the restaurant, expecting him to follow me. When I realize that he isn't, I turn to look at him. He hasn't moved; he's staring at the wall in front of him.

"What did you just say?" He says lowly. I narrow my eyes.

"I said let's talk about this later." I clarified. Elijah shook his head.

"No, Clare. Not that."

He turns his body to look at me, shoving his hands in his pockets. His look is impassive, hiding what he's thinking. He inhales sharply and slowly strides over to me. And as he passes me, turning his head to glance at me with sad eyes, he says, "You used to call me Elijah."

Sitting back in the booth with Luke talking up a storm into my ear about something I couldn't care less about, I watch as Imogen's hand caresses Elijah's arm every chance she gets. They're talking and he's smirking and she's laughing, a loose strand of hair wrapped around her finger. I want to gag. Do girls honestly think guys find that attractive?

Everything moves in slow motion; the waiters, Luke's uninteresting words in my ear, Imogen's little touches to Elijah's shoulder, and the movement of his lips as he talks. It's all too slow, too quiet. I watch as the people around us laugh and smile with their friends, their lovers, and their family. Everyone is so fucking happy, while I'm sitting here unsure of what to do.

_You used to call me Elijah._

I couldn't concentrate on Luke, no matter how hard I tried. I tried to pay attention, honest, but I'd find myself zoning out before he could get a full sentence in. I guess it didn't really matter. He didn't notice how uninterested I was, anyways.

_You used to call me Elijah._

I'd smile and nod as if I were listening, putting up a front that hid everything I was feeling inside. I wondered if Elijah was doing the same or if he was officially done with me. I watched him from the corner of my eye as Luke continued, completely oblivious to my actions. Elijah looked as if he was enjoying himself, his lips curled in a polite smile as Imogen talked her head off. But in that moment, he had turned his head and caught my eye, and I noticed his smile didn't reach his eyes.

_You used to call me Elijah._

I inhaled sharply when he turned back to Imogen, responding to her story. I wasn't sure if the pang in my chest was from guilt or loss. I wasn't sure if I had lost my best friend or not, and I felt guilty because I did it to myself. I didn't want anything to change between Elijah and me, besides the obvious of course. I wanted us to be the way we were before; before that stupid little bet we made.

_You used to call me Elijah._

God, will my subconscious just shut up already? His words were haunting me and I pinched the skin between my thumb and forefinger to keep myself in check as I smiled at Luke, nodding my head, urging him to go on. I felt sick, thinking of the way Elijah looked before he walked into the restaurant. He looked lost, sad, broken; I had hurt him, my best friend. Why was it so hard? Why couldn't I just tell him I'm sorry and that I miss having my best friend and that I just want to go back to the way things were before the bet?

The bet was stupid. He was right; we both knew no-strings-attached never works, so why did we agree to do it? I wasn't sure. But a part of me was ecstatic that we had because of all of the great times we had, the way it felt so normal. But the other part of me wished we hadn't made the bet; if it weren't for the bet we wouldn't be in this mess. I'd still have my best friend and he wouldn't be so torn up right now. Or was I the one who was torn up?

"Clare?" Luke's voice broke me from my reverie. "You okay?"

I looked into his curious eyes, paused a moment, feeling Imogen and Elijah's eyes on me. I smiled, "Yeah, just a small headache."

I reached for my glass of water and took a sip. Imogen turned to Elijah and continued whatever she was saying, but looking up I noticed he was still staring at me. I tried my best to give him the most apologetic look ever, hoping he would understand how sorry I was. He pressed his lips together in a thin line before turning back to Imogen, his polite façade returning.

_You used to call me Elijah._

_Fuck_. I've messed up.

By the end of the night when we have finished our meals and have paid, Imogen declares that her mom is waiting outside and leans up to kiss Elijah. I watch as he smiles politely, and just at the last-minute turns his head to kiss her cheek, much like I had done with Luke on our first date. She looks a bit disappointed but accepts the friendly gesture and bounces outside, waving goodbye to Luke and me.

"I'll be back, I just have to use the restroom," I tell Luke.

"Oh okay, um, I actually have to go now. Drew and Dallas invited me over to watch the game and I'm already late. I'll see you tomorrow, okay babe?" He leans over to kiss me, and I'm thankful when his lips land on my cheek, although I'm not sure why.

I stutter, "Oh, um, okay. Bye, have fun."

He grins at me and darts towards the door, saying a small goodbye to Elijah. Once Luke is out of earshot, Elijah turns to me and fake coughs, "Asshole."

I narrow my eyes at him in a death glare. He raises his hands in defense and I turn towards the restroom. As I'm washing my hands, I think about calling Katie to come and get me. I'd probably interrupt one of her and Jake's intimate moments, making me dismiss the idea. I guess I could call my mom or dad for a ride.

Returning to the table, phone in hand, I slow my pace as I noticed Elijah is still waiting. He stands and I fiddle my thumbs, tilting my head in curiosity.

"I figured you'd need a ride." His tone is friendly, making me let out the breath I had been holding in.

"Thanks, but I can just call my parents. It's not a big deal." I'm nervous, and I try my best to hide it.

"Clare, let me drive you home. Friends drive friends home, don't they?" His voice is teasing, and the little twinkling in his eyes telling me he's not in the mood for another fight.

I twist my lips, "Okay."

Outside, climbing on his bike behind him, really made me wonder if this was such a good decision. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around his middle, feeling my stomach flutter as we zoomed down the street. I wanted to speak up when I noticed he was taking the long way to my house, but kept my mouth shut; I didn't want to protest against his decision. He stopped at every yellow light instead of zooming through it like he normally would. As we sat at the red lights, his fingers would gently caress my own or rest against my knee.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked as we sat at a red light. The roads were quietly deserted around this part of the city.

He rested his hand over mine as it lay upon his stomach, "No, I'm not mad. I just want my best friend back."

I sigh and tighten my hold on him, closing my eyes and resting my chin on his shoulder. "I want mine back, too."

He was very quiet as we waited for the red light to turn green. Soon, we were back to zooming down the street. When we pull up into my driveway, I stay seated behind him as he steadies the bike, his legs holding us up. I place mine down to the pavement as well, but make no indication that I'll be getting off soon.

"What are we doing, Elijah?" I ask softly. The question had been bugging me for a while.

"Sitting in front of your house," he says.

I pull my hand back to lightly slap his chest, "You know what I mean."

He sighs, his head tilting down to watch as his fingers play with mine gently. "I don't know."

We're quiet for what seems like a really long time. Crickets and neighboring dogs nearby are the only thing that I can hear besides my own and Elijah's breathing. His fingers try desperately to pry each of my own apart so he can slide his inside and hold my hand, but every time he seems to be close, he pulls away and just caresses my skin and my wrists. I had nearly forgotten what it had felt like to have Elijah's hands all over me. How soft his fingers were and how gently he would touch me.

"Do you?" he finally whispers, and I furrow my eyebrows.

"Do I what?"

"Do you know what we're doing?"

I shake my head, my curls brushing against the back of his leather jacket, "No."

I listen as Elijah puts the kickstand up and I move back slightly at the feeling of his body shifting so he could swing his leg over the side to stand up. He helps me off of his bike, and I shudder slightly when I realize we were so close together. It's quiet, and there's tension in the air, and he continues to hold my hands as I try to ignore the fact that my head hurts. I don't want anything more to happen between us, but I can't leave everything like this.

"I'm sorry." I say softly as he walks me to my front door. He's still holding my hand.

"What for?"

"For calling you crazy and–" I pause briefly and frown, "for calling you Eli." I can hear Elijah scoff, and I look up at him. I can see his lips defined in the moonlight, and his green eyes look particularly beautiful.

"You don't have to apologize for calling me Eli." He says coldly, though I could tell he didn't mean it that way. "We're only friends now. There's no reason for you to call me Elijah anymore."

I couldn't tell exactly what he meant by that, only that I knew his words hurt tremendously. Technically we were always friends, from the start when I had called him that. But maybe the name had transformed into something more for him. I didn't want to over-think it, so I didn't say anything else.

We reach my front porch and the light flickers on automatically. Elijah let's go of my hand and shoves both of his hands into his pockets, and gave me a half-assed smile. He said he's not mad, but for some reason I didn't believe it.

"Well, dinner was fun," Elijah says flatly. "We'll have to do it again sometime."

His tone tells me he doesn't really mean it but I go along with it, anyway. "Sure thing."

The door is right there, but neither of us go for it. Neither of us reaches for the handle to open it and to let me go inside and leave. He just stares at me with those sad eyes that I never want to see again. I wish I could read his mind. I wish I knew what was wrong.

"I'm sorry, too." His tone is sincere, which is a little surprising. "For being a jerk. I want you to be happy, I do. So if Luke makes you happy, then I won't interfere."

My stomach churns at the word _interfere _but I say nothing about it.

"I'll see you at school on Monday." He doesn't even ask if I'll be at Halcyon anymore, he just expects I won't show. I break a little inside knowing this fact, because friends or fuck buddies, it was our safe haven. And I completely blew him off.

"Elijah," I say softly, and he nods. I open my mouth to say more, but it seems to go dry; and staring at him underneath the dim porch light causes me to lose all ideas of right or wrong. I lunge forward, wrapping my arms around his neck and placing my lips on his just to taste his Coca Cola lips one more time. It's really nothing more than a drawn out peck on the lips. There was no tongue, or feeling each other up and down; just my arms around his neck and my mouth on his mouth. When I slowly pull away from him, he stares at me, bewildered.

"I had to say goodbye in a way we'd both understand…" I swallow, and let out a shaky breath. "This has to stop here, Elijah. This _thing_ that we have. The kisses and the touches and the way we treat each other. We're friends, now; only that. And no matter how much we may miss this _thing_ we have, we have to let it go – it's the best thing for us." I realize that my speech wasn't just meant to convince Elijah; I'm trying to convince myself. "This should have stopped the moment I agreed to go on a date with Luke," I sigh softly, shaking my head.

Elijah's eyes narrow, "You pounced on me, remember?"

"Yes, I remember, and it shouldn't have happened. I wasn't thinking straight."

Elijah twisted his lips to the side, "Do you regret it?"

My eyes soften and I frown, "No, I don't regret it." But I should. He nods slowly, finally accepting my words. I frown, "We promised no feelings, remember? I'd still like to have you as my best friend."

"Yeah, I remember." He says huskily. "There are no feelings, we're just friends."

"Okay." I reached for the doorknob, turning it slowly to see it was unlocked, just as I had left it before I'd left. "Goodnight, Elijah."

"Goodnight, Clare."

…

Walking into the cafeteria and looking around, I see Luke waving me over to his table. I make my way over and take my seat, greeting the guys. They smile kindly at me and go back to their previous conversation. Luke wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him as he continues to talk to the guys.

"Hi, Clare," a girl with long black hair and dark skin waves to me as she sits down next to Dallas. I smile, trying to remember her name. I believe it is Alli.

"Hi, Alli," I say. She grins before turning to Dallas, and I feel relief that I hadn't gotten her name wrong.

"What's up, Clare?" Bianca says as she moves to sit on Drew's lap, wrapping her arm around his neck and grinning at me.

I smiled and greeted her in return. I remember the party Luke has dragged me to the other day and how he introduced me to nearly everyone there. He is very popular, much like Elijah. Only, a much different kind of popular. But throughout the party I had realized just how boring it was and how much I hated it, the reason being I was at a stupid party instead of at Halcyon with Elijah. I blew him off again because Luke had invited me out, and it didn't take a genius to know just how upset that made Elijah. Because now, he just expects me not to show up.

Speak of the devil.

"Yo, Eli! Over here, man!" Owen bellows. I follow his gaze to the door and watch as Elijah grins and nods at the table, making his way over to us with slow strides. I bite my lip, remembering the two kisses we had shared yesterday. I know I should probably let Luke know, but that would lead to questions that I don't want to answer. I sigh softly and decided it'll stay a dirty little secret.

"Hey guys," Elijah says as he takes a seat in front of me. He looks at me and gives me a tight smile, his lips pressed together. I give him a sad smile, unsure of what else to do. He eyes Luke's arm around me for a moment too long and quickly turns his gaze to the guys, jumping into their conversation.

"Hey, Clare, Eli, over here!"

Elijah and I both look up to see Katie, Jake and Imogen making their way to an empty table. Katie nudges her head to the table, her eyes and smile locked on me. Elijah stands and looks at me, urging me to join them. I look over at Luke who is eyeing me with a pleading look, silently telling me not to go. I frown and turn back to Katie, Jake, Imogen and Elijah and slowly shake my head no.

Elijah gives me an almost sad look and walks over to Katie, Jake and Imogen, shaking his head at them. I watch as Katie frowns, disapproving, while Jake only rolls his eyes. They sit and Katie looks at me again, silently asking me with her eyes why I'm not sitting with them anymore. I shrug and subtly nudge my head to Luke, who is deep in conversation with the other boys. She scowled and turned to her food, digging in. I turn my attention back to my table.

I shift uncomfortably, feeling someone's eyes on me. I try to shake the feeling but it doesn't go away. I huff and quickly glance around the cafeteria, noticing everyone is too busy with their own friends to pay attention to me. But then my eyes catch Elijah's, and I inhale sharply. He's giving me a passive glance, frown clear on his lips. He turns back to Imogen, sitting beside him, before I could do anything and continues on with their conversation, his lips curling up into a laugh as Imogen whispers something into his ear, taking one of her cafeteria French fries and popping it into his mouth. They're both smiling and for some reason, it makes my stomach queasy.

Frowning, I shake of Luke's arm subtly and begin eating my food, Luke seeming to not even notice the lack of touching between us. I watch and take notice that Adam isn't sitting with the four of them, which is odd, considering Elijah and Adam have been best friends since I can remember. Imogen says something aloud to the group, making the three of them all burst into laughter. Jake's choking on his lemonade and it almost looks as if Katie has tears in her eyes. The jealous frown I'm sporting seems to deepen. I want in on the fun. I want to know what's so funny.

But instead, Luke's arm snakes around my waist as the team continues to talk, the girls joining in as well, making me realize that I had already picked a side.

I just didn't know if it was the right or the wrong one.


	13. perks & jerks

**A/N**: Hey guys! I feel super sick right now but I hope you all enjoy chapter thirteen of Halcyon. It's probably the biggest filler chapter you've ever read ((not really but I think so)) but all I have to say is Luke Baker is an asshole. Thanks for all of you that have been reading and reviewing and favoriting and following! We're sooo close to 100 reviews it makes my stomach even more queasy ((but good quesy)). Keep being awesome and review this chapter. :*

**Disclaimer**: I own some advil not Degrassi! ((or _She's Thunderstorms_))

**Summary****:** _When Eli Goldsworthy is pulled into Clare Edwards' world, he doesn't realize he's spiraling deeper into her crazy, nonchalant life until it's too late. Clare's intentions are harmless, until she asks the one question that changes their relationship. There are two sides to every story._

* * *

"Halcyon: Denoting a period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful."

I didn't realize how much I hated Luke Baker until she brought him to our place. Our spot. I never really thought about how much Halcyon meant to me, either. That is until she brought him in. I don't know why she thought that was even _half _a good idea. Because when she first walked in, I couldn't stop smiling. And then I saw who was on her arm. I blinked, first assuming this was a joke. Because why on earth would Clare want to bring her boyfriend to the play she was deflowered? I bet Luke thought she was a virgin, too. Or at least Clare probably told him that she was. It would make sense.

"Hi Elijah!" She smiles, putting her elbows on the counter. Luke's standing behind her. "Got anything new for me?" I nodded slowly.

"Considering you never come in anymore, yeah, we have a shit ton of stuff." I answered. "I'll go get some things you'll like." I took off into the back. I'd be lying if I said I didn't glance at the wall with the _Smiths _poster every time I walked back there. I'd also be lying if I said I hadn't been creating a collection of new things just in case Clare might so possibly drop in.

So I carried it all into the front, letting the ever-growing pile of new material overflow in front of her. Her big blue orbs widened at the sight. I leaned back and smirked.

"Oh man, I didn't realize I was missing so many new albums!" Clare eagerly begins going through the pile, squealing in delight. As she's looking, she says to me: "Elijah, could you play me a song I like so that Luke can hear something _fantastic_?" I nod. I think about barking at her, saying that she can play him music at her own house, but I don't. I grab a record from underneath the counter, in a spot marked with a sticky note that says: "Clare's Favourites." I didn't really notice what I had grabbed for until the damn song started playing. I'm brought back to the third night at Halcyon. She was dancing so gracefully and it was when I was purely only physically attracted to her. _Dance with me, Elijah._

I had to pick _She's Thunderstorms._

Clare's ears pick up on the tune, and she begins to grin uncontrollably. She turns around to face Luke, who looks at her as if she's an angel. She's _my _goddamn angel.

"Luke," she says softly. My stomach drops to the floor. "…dance with me."

Okay, now she's trying to mess with me. She couldn't just forget about this. Either I'm too good at remembering innocent, sweet things that Clare Edwards has said to me, or Clare wants to fuck with my head. I'm going to believe that it is the latter.

So they dance in front of me. She has her arms around his neck and a ginormous grin on her face. I can't watch. I have to go into the back.

I could feel my heart pounding drastically in my chest and it hurt. Was this what heartache was supposed to feel like? I leaned against the poster lined wall and took a deep breath. It was hard to concentrate. It felt difficult to breathe. I knew that having a bipolar disorder wasn't easy for me, though I always tried to ignore it. In fact, sometimes it felt as if it wasn't even there and that I had miraculously been cured, which, I liked to believe that this was true. But on some occasions it liked to reappear and bite me in the ass.

This was by far one of those occasions.

I paced back and forth in the back room, occasionally wringing my hands and telling myself things like _get a hold of yourself, Goldsworthy_ and sometimes,_ you're better than this _and lastly_, Clare doesn't have that much of a hold on you. _But unfortunately, Clare _did _have that much of a hold on me. I could hear her angelic voice laughing from the other room, and I could just imagine Luke holding her close. I was supposed to be holding her close. I slammed my fist against the wall.

I had to sit down. I took long, deep breaths through my nose, breathing out through my mouth. I didn't know I could get like this because of a stupid girl. Especially because of Clare Edwards. But it was brimming on the horizon and after knowing her for such a long time I wonder if it was… if it was the big four letter word. No, I didn't want to think it was that. I had gone into this telling myself that I would never feel anything towards Clare Edwards besides physical attraction. But I'd failed that.

So why not go all the way?

Why not just admit to myself that I'm definitely hopelessly in love with her?

I know why not. Because I like to think that I'm the bigger man that can contain his feelings when I am clearly not.

The single-song record finally comes to an end, and I could hear the sound of the record and the needle scratching as it searched for a new song to play. I didn't want to get up, though. I didn't want to go back and see them. I figured for a moment that Clare would mess with the player herself, fixing it so that the song would play over again. Or that she'd go behind the counter and pick a new record for herself, but she didn't.

"Elijah!" Instead, she called my name.

When I didn't respond, I could hear her click-clacky shoes coming towards the back of the store and my heart rate picked up, along with my mind beginning to snap back into reality. I was at work. I wasn't in my bedroom where I could sulk about my loss of Clare Edwards. I was at work, and I was supposed to be working. But before I could compose myself, Clare bursts through the curtain and sees me sitting on the ground with my knees to my chest and my head against the wall. I look pathetic, and her expression shows utter concern.

"Are you all right?" She asked, worry in her eyes. I struggled to stand to my feet, using the back wall as my support, though my head was pounding and my vision seemed to be blurred. I hated how I got like this. I hated how I could feel at some times. "Elijah, are you all right?" She questioned again, and I nod. Though I am lying, because I'm far from all right. "Give me a minute."

Clare rushed out of the back, and I don't know why – but for some reason I had this idea in my head that she was going to bring Luke Baker back here to pray for me. Thank God she didn't though. Thank everything she didn't. She finally comes back in and sits down on her knees because I had sat down again.

"I had Luke wait outside." Clare whispered, swallowing. "How can I help?"

I blinked. "You want to… help…"

"You're having a like, episode, aren't you?"

"Am I?" I brought my hands to my cheeks, realizing they were hot and sweaty. My hands felt clammy against my skin and Clare mentioned that I was shaking. Great, I was having an episode at work. "Shit, you're right. Fuck."

I had never experienced an episode in front of Clare before, nor did I ever want to. I'd somehow been able to keep myself composed in front of my friends and her, and let it all out when I would be able to return home again – but apparently not today. Apparently not when I saw Clare and Luke dancing with each other.

I probably looked dumb.

She probably wanted to leave.

"Elijah," She says my name, and I look up at her. She looks so compassionate and I realize that I have only seen this sort of side of her a few times. The last time we had fucked, the time Bullfrog had hit me, and the few nights before on her front porch. I decided at this moment that this was my favourite side of her. I was angry that Luke was able to see it more than I was. "I want to help. Tell me what to do to help."

"God, Clare, I don't know." I barked. I wasn't used to this whole 'episodes around people' thing. I wasn't sure how to talk to her. "If you want to leave, then go."

"I don't want to leave." She said sincerely. "Why would you think I would want to leave?" Clare placed her hands on my knees and looked at me. "I flipped the sign on the store to closed so that you can take as much time as you need to collect yourself. I've never… had one of these, or been around someone having one so… I don't know how long it's going to be, but I'll stay with you the whole time, okay?"

I nodded slowly. Clare sat beside me, leaning against the wall and wrapping her arm around my back to pull me against her. I'd never felt like this before. With her arms around me, I could feel how much I was shaking in her grasp. I let out a shallow breath as she whispered things like _you're okay_ and _things will be fine soon _into my ears. I felt her head on my shoulder, kissing it softly. It wasn't in a romantic sort of way, or in a way that should turn me on at all. It was to remind me that she was there. That she wasn't going to go anywhere until things were all right again. I wanted this to end already, for this stupid storm to pass so Clare could get up and leave again.

Because the longer she cradled me in her arms, the easier it was to accept it.

I'm definitely hopelessly in love with her.

"I think I'm okay." I whispered after a few minutes had past. Clare slowly began to unhinge herself from around me and I don't know why, but I whimper at the sudden loss. But thank God Clare doesn't hear it.

We're both leaning up against the wall. My legs are brought up to my chest while hers are lying out in front of her. I always thought that I was the one who initiated conversation between the two of us but apparently not. Because Clare opened her mouth and said:

"I've never seen you like this before, Elijah."

I laughed softly. "That's bipolar disorder for you."

"You're a mess." She pointed out. I tilted my head to look at her.

"Look, I know this isn't one of my shining moments but you don't have to be so blunt about it. I prefer to have these in the comfort of my bedroom where I have anti-depressants and sleeping pills to numb the awkward feeling. And I don't want you to have to think you have to take care of me or something. I didn't even know that this was going to happen." I said quietly. Clare tilted her head my way as well. Our faces were so close together it almost felt as if we were revisiting the time in our friendship where there were no boundaries and at any given moment we could be kissing. But there were. And I couldn't kiss her.

"Elijah –"

"You should probably get back to Luke, now. He's been waiting for like ten minutes." I cut her off, because I was afraid of what she was going to have to say. I was afraid that she might continue talking about the bipolar thing, or make a comment about how she cared about me. Or worse, ask what had triggered all of this. I didn't want to deal with it. I wanted her to leave already so I could finish collecting myself in the privacy of the back room.

"I told him it was an emergency. He's waiting in his car."

"What kind of car does he drive?" I asked.

"His mom lets him borrow the minivan because she's out of a job right now."

I wanted to laugh, because I assumed this prior to even going near the kid, but the fact he was using it because his mother had no job made my stomach hurt. The economy was tough, hell, I was working for my own family so I couldn't laugh. Or maybe it was because my lungs were too tired to laugh. I nodded.

"Is it as fun as the motorcycle?" I asked.

Clare shook her head, smiling a little. "Not even half as fun." She started to stand to her feet, and reached out to take my hand. Helping me up, I sighed a little, inaudibly. I missed the feeling of our hands in each other's. "Are you sure you're going to be okay? I can stay while you work."

"You were out with your boyfriend, I can't interrupt. I'll be fine." I assured. Clare flashed me a hesitant look.

"Okay, but if you need me, you have my number. I'm a phone call away."

I nodded, and she left.

I didn't end up calling her to return, though I did think about it. I didn't have to work much longer, so calling her to make her come back seemed to be fruitless. I closed my eyes and leaned against the counter. I never wanted to blame her for things, but this all just seemed to be Clare Edwards' fault. I didn't want to possess these feelings for her any longer. But it was impossible.

Imogen called me later on that night. We went to the movies, but it wasn't the same as how I used to be at the movies with Clare. I held her hand and occasionally she would lean her head on my shoulder. In my head, I'd try and pretend that she was Clare entirely, but it was too hard. There was no point. She wasn't Clare, and she never would be.

Sunday I had to stop myself from calling her several times. I kept thinking about inviting her over to hand out while Bullfrog was at work and CeCe was out with her friends, but I didn't. I knew I'd get carried away and I knew that I couldn't do that. I think I understood why Clare was trying to stay away from me, or at least, the idea that I'd like to think was why she stayed away from me. We both knew what would end up happening, so we tried to steer clear. Hell, the last two times we were alone together besides my meltdown, our lips had brushed each other's and I had tasted what I'd missed so much. I wonder if she felt the same way.

She probably didn't.

She had Luke Baker to kiss now.

I thought about calling Adam, too, to invite him over to play video games with me but then I remembered I had fucked that up too. Jake was over at Katie's, and for once in my life, I felt completely alone. I had a girlfriend, yet I felt alone. There was no one to be around, nothing to do. Usually when days like this would arise I'd call Clare and we'd just talk on the phone. But I couldn't do that, either. There was nothing to do. So I was forced to be around Imogen.

She came over, and unlike Clare, Imogen did not play video games with me. She watched patiently from beside me on the couch downstairs (no way in hell was I bringing her up to my bedroom any time soon) and watched. Sometimes she would ask questions like _what gun is that? _or _how many times can you die before the game is over? _She was kind of annoying, if we're going to be honest here and sometimes I had to politely ask her to be quiet or else I would lose the game.

The one good thing about Imogen, though, was that she was a really good cook. She made me about five or six grilled cheeses in her time of staying at my house, and each time I felt obliged to reward her with a kiss, though I was hoping to keep my lips stained with a kiss from Clare Edwards until her and Luke had broken up. But I didn't, and I'm sure she had kissed Luke in her free time so I could do the same to Imogen.

A few times during Imogen's visit I wondered if I should throw caution to the wind and hook up with her. I mean, neither of us were doing anything and _technically _since I was her boyfriend it was a normal thing to do. But ever since Adam had said what he had, I couldn't get his stupid words out of my head. _Now you're going to use Imogen Moreno for a dumb as shit plan that won't even work. _True, the plan would probably backfire somewhere along the line and my usage of her would be so dick-like that she'd probably spread rumors around the school. I guess Imogen wasn't really that bad. I mean, she was extremely annoying and she was clearly no Clare Edwards but I'm sure to someone else she could be really amazing. Someone else meaning… Adam, of course. I made a mental note that when I would finally be able to break up with her after my conquest for Clare would finally be successful (hopefully,) I'd set her up with Adam. She at least deserved that.

I kissed Imogen goodnight before she left. It was a longer version of all the kisses I had given her earlier. And it was before she had walked off of my porch, so her mother probably saw me smooching up a storm with her. Ha, whatever. It's not like I really gave a shit. In fact, if her mother hated me, then that was probably a good thing.

…

Drew had asked me to bring him some cigarettes after school. He had some stupid football meeting, and he told me that he was in desperate need of a pack or else he'd probably go ballistic. And considering I'm the only person out of the entire mirage of people he knows that is eighteen, I was the one sent out on the job. Of course, he did pay me to pick up the cigarettes and five dollars for gas, so I couldn't complain; though I did anyway.

He had asked me to meet him in the locker room, but I told him I'd meet him outside. Mostly because I wasn't in the mood to see any sausages today, considering I would see Jake and Adam's constantly outside of school, and many others from porn flicks on my lap-top at home. But then also because I knew that the hockey team practiced after school and if I was in there, I'd catch sight of Luke Baker, which I was desperate not to do.

But either I'm cursed, or it was just destined to be this way.

"Hey, Eli!" A voice called, I picked my head up from looking at the cracked screen of my cell phone to see Luke Baker strutting down the hall towards the locker room. Of course.

"Uh, hey Luke." I grumbled.

I was hoping that this was going to be the bare minimum of our conversation, but just as he was about to turn to go into the locker room, he backed up and pointed a finger at me. "You're close to Clare, right?" he asked. I nodded slowly.

"Uh, yeah…"

"Okay, great, listen." Luke began, and I stared at him, bored. Even his voice was annoying. "Christmas Vacation is coming up and since I'll have a lot more time to spend with Clare, I was thinking of ways I could… you know… get with her. I know a decent amount of stuff about her but not enough to know if she wants to have sex with me or not. I know she's a virgin so I'm not sure if asking her is the right thing to do. God, she's just so fucking hot, I think about it all the time, you know?"

I pin my eyebrows together in a look of utter confusion mixed with disgust. I try to nod slowly. In a way, I'm trying to comprehend this myself. I knew this side of Luke, I'd seen it before. But Clare was only released the side of him that was kind and Christian and innocent. If she saw him like this, would she still want him?

Then again, she wanted me, and I was nearly this bad. Perhaps even worse.

"Uh," I started off unsure of how to respond. I could either fuck up their entire relationship by giving him the wrong answer, or support it all and let him see that she was far from a virgin. "Well, she likes music."

"No shit, Sherlock. I hate nearly everything she listens to. It's constantly all of this alternative rock and indie bullshit. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it." Luke rolled his eyes, and flashed me this grin that made me sick. He was kidding, right? He had to be kidding. "She invited me to go see _Fun. _with her this weekend but there is no way in hell I'm going to go."

That's what hit me the most. Beneath Luke's aggravating tone and his dickish words were that Clare had replaced my spot with Luke Baker. Were her and I even friends anymore? Of course we were, but I was still dumbfounded that she had the audacity to switch things up a bit. She had purchased that ticket for me. Not for Luke. What the fuck?

"If she's your girlfriend, shouldn't you go with her to make her happy?" I asked. I finally shoved my phone into my pocket so I could pay attention to him.

"I don't have to all the time. If she's that pissed I won't go with her she can take Katie and then when she comes back we can hook up or something to make up for me not going. I make her happy anyway." Luke countered. I let out a sharp breath and shrugged my shoulders.

"It's your call. She's your girlfriend."

Luke snorted. "Damn right she's my girlfriend. She's so hot, too. I know you guys were just friends so you don't know what it's like with her in the bedroom or anything, but for as far as we've gotten, she's quite the little screamer."

God, I wanted to deck him so hard right there.

I wanted to knock his teeth out and watch him bleed all over the linoleum floor.

I didn't have the chance to, though, because Drew walked out of the locker room and rolled his eyes.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Goldsworthy. I told you to meet me _in _the locker room. Can I have my goddamn smokes now, please?" Drew barked, holding his hand out impatiently. I shrugged my backpack off of my shoulder and messed through the front pocket to pull out his package of cigarettes. "Thanks. God, I've been having withdrawals all day. You're the shit, Eli."

"I know." I mumbled. I was too pissed off to even try to be sarcastic at this point. I hated Luke Baker.

Before it was just indifference and dislike.

But now it was different.

This wasn't just some quiet, behind doors fight for Clare Edwards anymore.

This was war.

And I was going to win.

"Yeah, well, I'll see you around, Eli. I'll let you know about the progress with Clare and if I get to fuck her or not. Thanks for your help." Luke pushed on the door, allowing him entrance to the locker room before I could say anything else.

I hadn't given him any advice.

Maybe he was just so fucking stupid he hadn't even paid any attention to the fact that he sounded like such an asshole. I couldn't believe Clare was dating this jerk. I couldn't believe that she had even batted an eye at him. That she _was _batting her eyes at him. She deserved someone much better. And I know I'll sound like a conceited asshole right here, but I don't care.

She deserved me.


End file.
